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Church Leadership, Tuesday Thoughts

Tuesday Thoughts: The 4 D’s – The Drainer

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Ok we’re having a discussion about the EGR’s in your small group. And remember, EGR stands for extra grace required. Those are just people in your group who may take up a little bit more of your time, a little bit more of your patience, and they’re just more difficult to lead than the rest of the members and we also call these the four D’s. I’ve got the Dominator. That’s someone who dominates the conversation. The opposite of the dominator, it’s the Dodger. That’s someone who never enters into the conversation. And then the Debater, somebody who always wants to debate the issues. And then finally, what I want to talk about today is the Drainer. What do you do if you have somebody in your group that always turns it back to themself that never is excited, never has joy. We call them Debbie Downers. What do you do if you have a Debbie Downer in your group?

Well, there’s a few things that you can do that might help this person have more joy, more life, and be a bigger part of the group. The first thing that I would do is meet with that person outside of the group time because you probably don’t know their story and it’s hard for them to really share their story during the group time. So meet with them for coffee or after a service and just ask them to tell you their story and find out what is feeding into what is going on in their life because there might be something that you can help with that you can pray with them about that you don’t even know about. So meet with them outside of the group time.

The second thing that you might want to do is when it comes to the prayer time, that’s usually a time for somebody like this that can kind of turn it always towards their issues, their problems. Especially if you do verbal prayer requests. So instead of doing it verbally, maybe try having people write down their prayer requests on a note card and then either praying silently or sending it out during the week so the group can pray that way.

And then finally there may be somebody in your group who needs professional care. They may have needs or issues that’s beyond the abilities of the group, so make sure that you talk to a pastor, talk to a church staff member about how you can refer them to the help that they need. So if you have a drainer that’s okay. There’s some things you can do to help them and help the group.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.
Church Leadership, Group Leadership, Uncategorized

Last Chance to Register for Free Small Groups Webinar

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Hey everyone, my name is Chris Surratt and I am the Small Group and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources, and author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us, and Gospel-Centered Small Groups. I am super excited to let you know about a small groups webinar that I will be hosting on October 9th, 2018 at 11AM Central. Our panelists: Steve Gladen from Saddleback Church, Heather Zempel from National Community Church, and Bill Willits from North Point Community Church, will be discussing how to have effective small groups in the modern church. At a time when churches are giving up on, or moving away from, offering small groups, how are these three trend-setting churches continuing to produce life-changing and disciple-making groups for not only just church members, but for people outside of the church as well? And, the best part about this webinar? It’s completely free! Just hit the registration link on this video and join us for one hour on Tuesday, October 9th at 11am to learn about producing effective small groups in the modern church.

 

Church Leadership

Tuesday Thoughts: The 4 D’s – The Dodger

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Okay, we’re having a discussion about the EGR’s in your small group. And what does EGR stand for? It stands for extra grace required people. Now these are people in your group who probably take a little bit more of your patience a little bit more of your time and they’re just a little bit more difficult to deal with than the rest of the members of your group. Also refer to these as the four D’s, so you’ve got what we talked about last time. The dominator. That’s just somebody who tends to dominate the conversation, maybe turns the discussion back to themselves during the group time. And then you have the dodger, the debater, and the drainer, and for just a minute, I want to talk today about what do you do if you have the dodger in your small group.

Now the dodger is the opposite of the dominator. Whereas a dominator talks a lot. The dodger tends to not talk at all or very little during the group time. So what do you do? How do you bring them into the conversation? Let me give you four ideas to try during the group time. First of all, you don’t want to force anyone into the conversation before they’re ready. There’s a lot of people that just need some time to feel comfortable with the group before they’re able to kind of share or discuss their ideas in front of everyone and that’s okay. Especially those who are more introverts. Just give them the time to feel comfortable. Give them two or three group meetings before they feel like they have to talk. The second way that you can get people to talk is just have everyone give kind of they’re a three to five minute life story. Most people are okay talking about themselves.

Now the important thing here is that you give them some heads up on this. So if you have somebody that hasn’t entered into the conversation, give them a couple of weeks to prepare so they’re ready with their life story. So just give them about three to five minutes to talk about themselves with the group. The third thing that you might want to do is ask her opinion on something that you know she’s going to feel comfortable answering. So if there’s a question, you’ve looked ahead in the study and you feel like you know what Susan would have an opinion on this, so maybe ask that person directly their opinion on something, that you know they’re going to have an opinion on. And then fourth is to arrange a time outside of the group to kind of get to know that person, get comfortable with them so that they’re comfortable and they have a relationship with somebody in the group before they feel like they have to open up. So just maybe simply meet them for coffee or between services in the lobby. Just something to start that relationship before they have to enter into the conversation with the whole group. So that’s just the things to try if you have a dodger in your small group.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.

 

Church Leadership, Uncategorized

Tuesday Thoughts: The 4 D’s – The Dominator

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If you lead a small group, the chances are good that you have at least one of what I call EGR’s. What does that stand for? Just extra grace required. Now those are people in your group that take just a little bit more of your patience, probably a little bit more of your time than everybody else. I still refer to these as the four D’s. See if you recognize any of these in your small group. The first one is the Dominator, then there’s the Dodger, the Debater, and finally the Drainer, and what I want to do for just a minute is talk about what do you do if you have a dominator in your small group. And that’s just somebody who tends to answer more questions and everybody else maybe turns the discussion back to themselves. They may be a seasoned Christian so they feel like they have more answers than everybody else. So what do you do if you have a dominator kind of dominating the conversation? Well, let me give you four things that you might try. The first one is just simply how the room is set up for the discussion of your group. You might try sitting right next to the person that dominates the conversation. There’s something about being that close of proximity to the person who’s answering or asking the questions that maybe slow them down a little bit before they jump into the conversation, so you might try that. Also, maybe make eye contact with other group members when you ask the question, especially those that have been introduced into the discussion yet and kind of with your body language invite them to answer the question before the person who usually jumps in as the dominator. And then you might also bring somebody into the conversation by calling up their name, asking them specifically to answer the question. Make sure that it’s something that there’ll be able to answer, maybe more of an open ended question, but invite them in before the person who dominates is able to jump in and if none of that works, it’s always good to meet outside of the group time. Maybe grab some coffee or meet them in the lobby after church and just sit down and explain the mission and the vision of the small group. So that’s some things that you might try if you have a dominator in your small group.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.

 

Church Leadership

How to Have Effective Small Groups [Free Webinar]

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I hear from churches and pastors consistently about how small groups no longer work in our modern world. People are too busy for another weekly commitment. Groups organized by the church are too forced for people to connect deeply in community. Yet, we see research telling us that offering healthy small groups will close the back door and help our churches grow.

If all of this is true, the question then is: s it possible to have effective small groups in the modern church? I believe it is, and I will be discussing this topic with three church leaders, who are seeing small groups thrive in their influential churches, during our free webinar on October 9th at 11am CDT. 

Steve Gladen (Saddleback Church), Heather Zempel (National Community Church), and Bill Willits (North Point Community Church) will dig into:

  • Are we really creating disciples through our small groups, or are they just another social group we belong to?
  • How can small groups compete with other church programming?
  • Are small groups just for church members, or can they reach beyond the church building?
  • How much should church leadership try to control small groups?

Webinar attendees will receive a free eBook on small groups, and we’re saving 15 minutes at the end of the webinar for live Q&A. Register now if you’re interested, as space is first come, first serve. Hope to see you there for our discussion on effective small groups in the modern church!

Church Leadership

Now What? Five Things a New Leader Should Do Next

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Stepping out to start a new group can be an intimidating and scary experience. All of us have the same questions starting out: Will anyone show up? Have I invited the right people? Have I picked the right study? How will I disciple everyone in my group? All of these questions are natural and healthy. As you begin this new adventure of group leadership, here are five helpful steps to take next.

1. Find a coach.

Everyone needs a coach. Even the best athletes in the world have coaches who still help them try to be better. The best way for you to progress as a leader is to have a seasoned leader walk alongside you. If your church has not assigned a coach to you, reach out to someone who has been leading longer than you, and ask them if they would be willing to meet with you occasionally and answer questions. Most leaders will be honored that you asked.

2. Be one step ahead.

One of the biggest worries for leaders is not being worthy of leading other people. How can I spiritually lead others when I am still trying to figure out how to lead myself? The truth is, none of us have arrived on our spiritual journey. Our responsibility is to become more like Christ and be willing to take a few people along for the ride.

3. Connect closely with 2-3 people.

Most leaders will not be able to connect on a deeper level with every person in their group, nor should they try to. If you look at the example of Jesus and His small group, He connected intimately with only three disciples. Look for 2-3 same sex members in your group whom you can personally disciple; then, help others in the group do the same.

4. Don’t have all the answers.

It’s okay to not know the common translation of the name “Zephaniah” (“Yahweh has hidden”… in case it comes up). Always be ready to stop an unhealthy debate with, “I don’t know the answer, but I will check with a pastor this week and we can revisit it at our next meeting.” Also, a few discussions will need to be taken outside of the group time. People will respect a leader who is transparent more than one who seems to have all of the answers.

5. Pray weekly for group members.

A leader who prays is a leader who can be followed. Don’t underestimate the power of praying for each group member by name. Prayer sets the stage for life-changing moments to occur through the group meetings, and in the lives of group members.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.
Church Leadership

Tuesday Thoughts: Being on Mission

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Okay, we’re talking about the three distinctions of a biblical small group, if you remember. The first one is discipleship, so we want to make sure that we are creating disciples in our small group. Second, we want to make sure that we’re building community, that discipleship happens best within the context of community, so we want to schedule it into our group meetings and into our calendar. And then third, what I want to focus on today is mission. How can we make sure that our group is on mission? So I’m gonna give you four things to maybe look at to think about for your group to help your group to start thinking missionally. The first thing you want to do is you want to study it.

Choose study that forces your group to think missionally. Lot of the studies that we do are something that we’re passionate about, so kind of revert back to the same types of topics. So if you’re not naturally, if your group’s not naturally bent towards being on mission, choose a study that forces them to think about serving people outside of themselves. So maybe you go to lifeway.com, look at the balance discipleship plan and choose a steady from the serving God and others category, something that’s about six weeks long and take some time to study what does it look like to be on mission and then number two you want to plan for it.

Choose somebody in your group that will organize something that you can do maybe on a weekend and something that fits the skills of your group. So choose somebody, talk about it, talk about where are we skilled, and then pick a project for your group to start with to start thinking outside of the group. And the number three, it’s pretty obvious, but we want to do it. So actually make it happen. We can study it, we can plan for it, but if we don’t actually go out and do it than it was for nothing. And so make sure you get a good day and time when the entire group can do something. Maybe a weekend, Saturday morning, a couple hours where you can serve alongside another organization and become missional. The number four, and this is important and we forget this part a lot of times, is talk about it. So as soon as possible, maybe the next group meeting after your project, take some time to debrief. How did it go? How did it make you feel? What can we do differently or better next time? Because what we want to do is we want to move the mindset from a project to a lifestyle. So we go from just thinking about how do we do this project to how do we actually live missionally day by day. So study it, plan for it, do it, talk about it, and let’s become missional as a small group.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with over 22 years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Team at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, and was on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC, for 15 years. He is also the Small Group Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. Chris’s first book, Small Groups For The Rest Of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, was just released by Thomas Nelson. You can follow his blog at chrissurratt.com or follow him on Twitter @chrissurratt.

Church Leadership

Four Vital Questions for Planning the Future

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When I am taking time to work on a system, I like to think in frameworks with key questions. Asking those probing questions forces issues to the surface that we would have never discussed without them. I am also a big believer in working on it with a team. I am an introvert by nature, so it would be easier for me to work it out alone, but way less effective. A team outhinks an individual every time.

So as you pull your team together to plan for the future, here are four questions that I use to help filter the conversations toward results.

1. What was?

This is where we can have a tendency to get stuck, but we have to spend some time here to get to the next stage. George Santayana said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” What is the foundation for what you are attempting to build? If we rush into a new system without considering what it’s replacing, we will just make the same mistakes. Spend some time in your planning asking about what has been done before, but don’t stay in this stage too long.

2. What is?

This is your current reality. Take some time at this stage to do a careful analysis of your current systems and events. What is working, and what is not? What should you stop doing, and what should you start? Make sure that you have the latest facts as you spend time in this stage. It’s impossible to plan for the future when you don’t know the current state. Do some research and find out what the numbers are. It may be painful, but it’s necessary to get a 360 perspective before you can move to the next question.

3. What could be?

After you have gained perspective on where you have been and are now, it’s time to start dreaming about the future. This stage is about blue-sky thinking. Allow your team to put all of the “what ifs” on the table without worrying about the “how” yet. That will come in the next stage, but this is the time to answer the question: “What could we do if nothing was impossible?”

4. What will be?

Now that you have spent time dreaming about all of the possibilities, it’s time to decide on the initiatives that are realistic to tackle now and set goals for achieving them. Make sure to hang on to all of your ideas from the last stage and keep them somewhere to return to later.

At the end of this stage, determine the one or two goals that you have to achieve in the next six months or everything else will be a failure. In the military, this is referred to as the “Commander’s Intent”—a concise expression of the purpose of the operation and the desired end. How can the next six months be summed up, and what is the desired final result?

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with over 22 years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Team at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, and was on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC, for 15 years. He is also the Small Group Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. Chris’s first book, Small Groups For The Rest Of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, was just released by Thomas Nelson. You can follow his blog at chrissurratt.com or follow him on Twitter @chrissurratt.

Tuesday Thoughts

Tuesday Thought: Ensuring Community in Your Group

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Okay, we’ve talked about the three distinctions of a biblical small group. Number one, are we creating disciples in our small group? Number two, are we experiencing community because we know that discipleship happens best within the context of community? Then number three is our small group on mission? Are we making a difference in the world that we find ourselves in and so today I want to focus on community. How do we ensure that community is happening with our small group? I think we have to be intentional in two ways. The first one is in our schedule with our group meeting. So as you schedule out your actual meeting, you want to look at the different segments and the first part of the group you want to make sure you have time set aside for community. So about 20 to 25 minutes of just hanging out, getting to know each other, maybe have a snack or dinner food of some sort. Just to give the group the chance to have community at the beginning of the group time.

And then after that you’re going to have your study, which is going to be about 40 to 45 minutes, but then you want to set aside the end of the group time, another 20 to 25 minutes for more community building. And a lot of times this is when the best conversations are going to happen. So someone who didn’t want to speak up during the Bible study might find somebody during this last segment when you’re having dessert, just hanging out to ask that critical question that leads to discipleship. And so make sure that you’re intentional with your group meeting. Schedule the built in times for community. And then second scheduling times on your calendar for community. So as you set up kind of your calendar days to meet, make sure that about once a semester or once a quarter that you have at least one day just for community. So that means you can even do like a game night or get outside of the house or the room where you meet and have a picnic together. Go to the zoo or just do something fun that makes sure there’s community built into your calendar, into your schedule, so schedule it into your meetings and then put it on your calendar and let’s make sure we have community in our small group.

 

Church Leadership

Six Questions to Ask Before Launching Groups This Fall

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The end of summer is just a month away, and that means it’s time to plan for launching new groups for the fall semester. The odds are good that your church will have new people showing up in August who need biblical community. Whether you decide to launch a campaign with all of your groups studying the same content for a few weeks, or just have new groups available for those new people to join, asking the right questions now will help ensure the success of your future launch.

Question #1: Do we have enough coaches for the new leaders?

No matter how much training you provide for your new leaders, they will almost always run into issues during group meetings that they need answers for. The best source for providing those answers will be seasoned group leaders who have been there before. Every new leader should be assigned a veteran leader that can be one email or phone call away when questions arise.

Question #2: Are we starting the right number of new groups?

Before you launch your groups, make sure there are enough groups to accommodate the people wanting to join. It’s much easier for new people to stick to a new group than an existing one. Existing groups already have relationships formed and a new person will feel left out, no matter how open the group members are. Use last year’s August/September attendance numbers to help calculate how many new groups and coaches you will need to recruit before your sign-up weeks.

Question #3: Are we planning for multiple weeks of sign-up opportunities?

Most people only attend church one or two Sundays a month. If you only offer sign-ups for small groups on one weekend, you will miss over half of your congregation. Sign-ups should be offered at least two weeks in a row, with opportunities also available on the website for those who still missed it.

Question #4: Is the senior pastor prepared to make the initial ask?

If biblical community is an important piece of discipleship for your church, then the first vision call should come from the senior leader. The congregation will need to hear the “why” behind small groups before they understand the “what.” No one can do that better than the lead vision caster for the church.

Question #5: Are we providing biblically solid, easy-to-use curriculum?

It’s easy to spend a lot of time thinking about the details of the launch and little on what the groups will be studying. If groups are going to make disciples, they will need an easy-to-use Bible study to spur the necessary discipleship conversations. Aligning your groups with the Sunday messages is a good direction to start with. SmallGroup.com can help you write solid sermon-based studies without taking too much of your time.

Question #6: Do we have a next step for groups after the launch?

If you want your groups to continue to succeed after the initial launch, you need to think about easy next steps for them. What will they study after the short-term campaign is over? Will they continue with a coach? Will they need to add group members at the next sign-up opportunity? Provide a roadmap for them, and your new groups will last beyond the first semester. A balanced discipleship curriculum roadmap can be found here.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with over 23 years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Team at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, and was on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC, for 15 years. He is also the Small Group Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. Chris’s first book, Small Groups For The Rest Of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, was recently released by Thomas Nelson. You can follow his blog at chrissurratt.com or follow him on Twitter @chrissurratt.