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The Signposts of a Growing Disciple – Part 2

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What does a mature disciple of Christ look like? Over the past decade LifeWay Research has delved into this with thousands of pastors and church leaders. Culling through the data, we discovered that strong discipleship ministries and practices could be put in eight categories. We call these eight categories the signposts along the discipleship pathway. One sign of growing disciples is that they build relationships with others.

We were built for relationships. I know that doesn’t sound as poetic as John Donne’s “No man is an island entire of itself,” but it captures the same truth. God wired us to live in community with others.

In the opening chapters of Genesis, an incredible picture of God’s creative power is revealed. Each day of creation closes with “God saw that it was good.”  In fact, at the end of it all, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good indeed” (Gen. 1:31).

The only thing God observed that was not good was the man living alone. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him’” (2:18). The context was the creation of the woman and the introduction of the God-ordained marriage relationship, but it points to an overarching principle: We were created to live in relationships.

The ultimate relationship we’re called to is a personal relationship with Christ. But when we come to Christ, we also come to His body: the church. As we walk with Christ, we don’t walk alone. We walk alongside others. Community—living and interacting with other believers—is a central part of a believer’s discipleship and growth.

From the earliest days of the church, this idea of community was central. “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer” (Acts 2:42). Do you hear the “togetherness” in that passage?

The New Testament has close to sixty passages with the phrase “one another.”

  • Love one another (John 13:34).
  • Live in harmony with one another (Rom. 12:16).
  • Instruct one another (15:14).
  • Have equal concern for one another (1 Cor. 12:25).
  • Serve one another (Gal. 5:13).

You help me in my walk with Christ; I help you in your walk. We’re in this together.

Scripture contains only one explicit command telling us why we must be involved in a community of believers.

“And let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Heb. 10:24-25, emphasis added).

Yes, we gather together for worship … for prayer … to hear and study God’s Word, but in all these things, we encourage each other. I’ve heard the excuse—and you probably have too: “I don’t need to go to church to worship God … to pray … to study the Bible.” While we can do these things privately (and we should), we miss the rich element of doing it with other believers. We are hard-wired for community, and there’s no greater place to do that than in relationship with other believers.

As we mature in Christ, we see the value of community more and more. Consequently, we will seek to build and strengthen those relationships. But maturing believers don’t just build relationships with other believers; they seek to build relationships with those outside the faith too. They do this with intentionality; they want to build a relationship in order to show the love of Christ and share the gospel.

Ways the Church Can Foster Believers Who Build Relationships.

  1. Promote Bible study groups. Corporate worship with the whole body is great, but the ideal way to build relationships is within the smaller setting of Bible study groups. Whether you call it Sunday School, Small Groups, Life Groups, or whatever, a group of 8-16 people gathered to discuss the Bible together can’t help but build relationships within the group.

Some group leaders love a larger group, but the larger the group gets, the dynamic for relationships within the group can lessen. Introverts are far more likely to participate and thrive in a smaller group—and 1/3 to 1/2 of the congregation is filled with introverts! So when a group is regularly reaching 16  or more people, start a new group.

  1. Create opportunities for relationship building. Encourage the Bible study groups to do more than just study the Bible together. Parties, mission projects, and ministry opportunities bring people together. 

Consider intergenerational opportunities as well. Let a get-together or ministry project involve two or more generations. For example, as younger adults build relationships with senior adults, they can be mentored and disciple by someone with more life experience.

  1. Model building relationships. As a church leader, you have many occasions you interact with outsiders. When appropriate, take someone with you. Let him learn how you start and build a relationship. Open the door for him to build a relationship with the other person. Our relationship-building habits can be contagious.

We’d love to hear from you. What are some ways your church is helping believers build relationships?

Lynn Pryor (@lynnpryor) is a team leader in LifeWay’s ongoing adult Bible study department. He also serves as an interim pastor in the Nashville area. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.
Church Leadership

The Signposts of a Growing Disciple – Part 1

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What does a mature disciple of Christ look like? Over the past decade LifeWay Research has delved into this with thousands of pastors and church leaders. Culling through the data, we discovered that strong discipleship ministries and practices could be put in eight categories. We call these eight categories the signposts along the discipleship pathway. One sign of growing disciples is that they share Christ with others.

Deep down, most believers know they should be sharing their faith, but few of us do. We can offer excuses—I’m afraid of saying something wrong. I don’t know how. I don’t want to come across like a pushy salesperson.—but growing in our faith should include sharing our faith. Mature followers of Christ may still experience sweaty palms or the occasional nervous tremor in their voices, but they embrace the opportunity to witness of Christ for three reasons:

  • They see it as their personal responsibility.

Christ’s Great Commission (Matt. 28:19-20) is a call for everyone, not just pastors and church leaders. Everyone is commissioned to make disciples. Of course, that includes more than just evangelism—it includes the whole discipleship process—but it begins with leading the person to trust Christ. It is our responsibility to not only let others see Jesus in us but also to tell them about the Jesus they see in us!

  • They are aware of the lost people around them. 

We are surrounded by the lost, and as we live out our faith, we stand out. For example, when we respond to trials and difficulties with joy and contentment, others notice. Maturing disciples are aware their actions are observed by others. They are ready to respond to any questions the lost may have, and they are equally ready to give an answer even if the question is not verbally asked. As Peter wrote, “In your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Pet. 3:15).

  • They build relationships with the lost.

It’s tempting—and easy!—to surround ourselves with other Christians and those who believe just like us. While maturing disciples do not neglect the needed accountability and fellowship with other believers, they also intentionally seek out the lost. They attempt to build a relationship, getting to know the other person, in order to love them and seize the opportunity to share with him the gospel. 

Ways the Church Can Foster Believers Who Share Christ.

  • Model it. Let church members see you share your faith. Talk about it. Take someone with you if you’re making an intentional evangelistic visit.
  • Lead a course on how to share your faith. There are several good options for leading a group in learning to share their faith: Tell Someone by Greg Laurie; Life on Mission by Dustin Wills and Aaron Coe; and the classic Share Jesus Without Fear by William Fay and Ralph Hodge.
  • Lead a course on apologetics. Many believers are concerned they wouldn’t know how to respond if they’re asked a difficult question. One place to start is in offering a course on defending the faith and answering the tough questions. Mary Jo Sharp’s Why Do You Believe That? and Jeremiah Johnston’s Unanswered are good options. 
  • Pray for the lost. During corporate times, we often focus on health needs. We should lift those needs before God, but guide believers to also pray for lost people by name. Encourage them to place those names in a prominent place as a reminder to pray. As we pray for individuals, our hearts are drawn to them and God opens doors for sharing the gospel with them.
  • Cultivate relationships with those outside the church. Use every event on the church schedule as an open door to those outside the church. Remind believers to get to know the lost guests who attend the events and be intentional in building relationships.

We’d love to hear from you. What are some ways your church is helping believers share Christ?

Lynn Pryor (@lynnpryor) is a team leader in LifeWay’s ongoing adult Bible study department. He also serves as an interim pastor in the Nashville area. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.

 

Church Leadership

8 Ways to Make Your Bible Study More Engaging

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I loathe lectures. I suppose there’s a place for them in learning somewhere, but I don’t think group Bible study is one of them. Unfortunately, lecture is a common method used in Bible study—as if imparting knowledge is the number one goal—and it’s the reason a lot of people write off an invitation to join  a group. They equate Bible study with a misguided approach to Sunday School where someone lectures and reads to them.

I don’t blame them. I would dread that too. But there’s a better way.

Think back to your childhood. In the early years of school, you drew, told stories, interacted with the others kids, and even played games as a part of learning. Somewhere along the way, though, we were expected to grow up, which means sitting quietly in chairs, reading a book, and listening to the teacher. Play was reserved for recess.

I propose we recapture the ways we used to learn, because we never outgrow the ways we like to learn. 

Educators like Thomas Gardner and Thomas Armstrong have identified eight ways we learn. We can all learn using these eight approaches, but individually, we gravitate to certain ones. There are certain approaches to learning that connect with each if us and make learning and applying quite easy and natural. It’s time we brought these back into our group Bible study.

Here are the eight approaches to teaching and learning. See which ones resonate with you.

  1. Relational Learners. Some of us learn well when we get to interact with others in the process. As we work together, they learn from each other. This can happen through personal sharing, storytelling, debating, and brainstorming. The key is that we’re doing it together. (In fact, as we look at these others ways we learn, many of them can be incorporated with relational learning and working together.)
  2. Musical Learners. For some of us, music enhances the environment for learning. They don’t have to be musicians, but they enjoy music. Let them listen to a song and consider how it connects to the Scripture being studied. They can rewrite lyrics of a well-known song to capture the essence of your study. Even playing music in the background during other activities gets them in tune with learning (no pun intended).
  3. Logical Learners.  OK, so these people often enjoy lectures, but they also like problem solving. They like to reason through things and analyze them. They enjoy an outline, word studies, analogies, and even statistics.
  4. Natural Learners. When nature and God’s creation are brought into the mix, these people become more attune to learning. They’re the ones whose quiet time is enhanced with a walk though nature. But you can bring nature—physical objects—into the group as well. For example, as you discuss Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well, pass out water. Or better yet, give them salty pretzels, and they’ll be thinking about water. A physical object helps them make the connection and discover biblical truth.
  5. Physical Learners. The physical learners in your group don’t always like to sit still! Physical movement engages their brains. Use hands-on activities. Let them role-play. When asking a question that calls for an agree/disagree response, place the words on different walls. Let the group members move and stand based on how they agree with the statement. Let me stress again, movement engages their thinking.
  6. Reflective Learners. These learners don’t mind quiet. They like to internalize and think things through. Like logical learners, they don’t mind a lecture, because they want to think and reflect. Instead of talking, occasionally direct the group to write down their responses to a discussion question.
  7. Visual Learners. Anything they see with their eyes engages learning: visuals, PowerPoint, movie clips. Let them draw or illustrate something from the study. Drawing is not a juvenile activity. I’ve done this with senior adults, and they loved it. Why? We never outgrow the way we like to learn.
  8. Verbal Learners. These people in your group connect with words: writing, reading, and speaking. Give them a moment to read a small portion of the book you might be using. Let them write a prayer oru how they will apply the Scripture. Let them use words!

Some of these learning approaches will take you out of your own comfort zone if they are not how you like to learn—but others in your group will love it. They will feel more engaged. But don’t try to do all eight approaches in one study! You’ll wear yourself and your group out. Instead, incorporate one or two different learning approaches each time you meet. Thirty-five years of leading groups has shown me that by using these eight approaches on a regular basis, everyone is more engaged. They learn better, which leads to transformation—and that’s what it’s all about.

NOTE: LifeWay’s ongoing Bible studies—Explore the Bible, the Gospel Project, and Bible Studies for Life—offer ways to incorporate these learning approaches in their group plans.

Lynn Pryor is the publishing team leader for Bible Studies for Life. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com. Follow him @lynnpryor.

Church Leadership

Planning for Spontaneity

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Are you a planner, or do you prefer to fly by the seat of your pants?

I’m sorry. That didn’t sound very spiritual. Let me put that in churchy language: Do you make plans, or do you just let the Spirit lead?

Order v. freedom. These two approaches don’t have to live in opposite corners, but unfortunately, the “Orderites” view the “Freedomites” with disdain,  and the “Freedomites” look down their spiritual noses at the “Orderites.”

It’s nothing new. In the 2nd century, the Montanist Movement arose with an emphasis on the spontaneity of the Holy Spirit. They saw the church as becoming too structured; conversely, the established church saw this movement as venturing into heretical territory with too much emphasis on prophetic revelations instead of the written Word of God. There was some validity in the accusations of both groups.

Another example comes from colonial America. The established churches with their rules and order looked down on those who emphasized the “inner light” (to borrow a Quaker term). While schools like Yale and Harvard were still institutions with a Christian emphasis, they had concern over the “spiritual enthusiasm” of students influenced during the Great Awakening.

The tension continues, as churches stare down each other over the question of how much emphasis should we give to the Holy Spirit. Order v. freedom. This should not be an either/or matter. It should be both/and. We need to plan—and we need to let the Spirit lead.

“Everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way” (1 Cor. 14:40).

Confession: I am a planner. I live by this verse. I have a love for to-do lists. My prep for Sunday’s sermon begins on the previous Sunday.

Planning is good, but too much reliance on that plan can be bad. On previous occasions as I’ve prepared to lead a Bible study group, I have created teaching plans I was sure would lead those in my group to (1) bring five more people with them next week, (2) go on the mission field, and (3) spearhead revival in America. But then someone would raise a question or an idea would surface that wasn’t in my well-orchestrated plan. I can’t help but wonder if I have been guilty of quenching the Spirit because I wouldn’t deviate from my plan.

Once when I was preparing to lead a group through Experiencing God, I was captured by something I heard from the author, Henry Blackaby.

Plan, but be prepared for the Holy Spirit to work.

In the Book of Nehemiah, we find Nehemiah grieved by a report he received about Jerusalem. He rightfully turned to God and prayed for the city and for himself. He wanted God to work. He sought God’s leadership, but at the same time, he planned.

The king said to me, “What is it you want?”

Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king …” (Neh. 2:4-5).

And Nehemiah laid before the king a detailed plan. He had prayed. He had planned. He prayed again. And now he presented the plan he had prayed over.

Order and freedom are not mutually exclusive. Planning and relying on the Spirit should go hand-in-hand.

  • Creating plans without a reliance on the Spirit’s leadership is presumptuous on our part. I can figure this out on my own,
  • Simply waiting for the Spirit to lead us at the critical moment is equally presumptuous. God will tell me everything I need to know at the last minute.

Prayer—a dependence on God—must permeate our planning and our action. God will often change our plans at the last moment, but if we have been dependent on Him through the whole process, we are in a far better position to know what is of God and what is not.

Plan, but be prepared for the Holy Spirit to work.

Lynn Pryor is the publishing team leader for Bible Studies for Life. He is serving a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com. Follow him @lynnpryor.

 

Church Leadership

An Innovative Approach to Church Life…from 1916

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The following historical tidbit surprised me.

It just seems so natural to walk into the store, make my selections while I walk up and down the aisles, and check out. But prior to 1916, you went to the local grocer and simply handed him your list. He went to the back, got the items, and brought them out to you. Every store did that, including the store Clarence Saunders operated in Memphis. But the process bugged Saunders. It was time-consuming. He wanted a faster way to serve customers—and serve more customers.

This sounds so ordinary to us, but he rocked the shopper’s world when they walked into his new store and found all the products were out front—not in the back. He handed shoppers a basket and empowered them to pick up their own items!

Some people expected this approach to fail. The naysayers expected a negative reaction: I should be paying less since I’m doing the bulk of the work. But when Saunders opened his new store on September 6, 1916, his innovation took off. And here we are 100 years later, gladly standing in the chip aisle, trying to choose between Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos. Some of us still shop in the store bearing the same name as the 1916 original: Piggly Wiggly.

Believers need to approach the Christian life with the same attitude we have when we enter the grocery store. If you need something, you go get it. Instead, too many Christians go to church expecting others—in particular, the church staff—to do things for them.

  • Pastor, I need you to pray for my Uncle Murray. Because God listens more to pastors.
  • Pastor, you need to share the gospel with my neighbor. If he was saved, he’d keep his dog out of my yard. Because the message of salvation only has meaning when it comes from the pastor—and not from someone who has been yelling at the neighbor’s dog.
  • Pastor, you need to visit Martha. She’s upset because she’s been ill yet no one came to see her. Because only pastors are allowed to visit the sick.
  • Pastor, the restroom is out of paper towels—again.

Anyone who has ever pastored can tell you these are exactly the kinds of things many church members expect their leaders to do. It never crosses their minds that they could do these things themselves.

Church members need to get out of 1915! Let’s move into 1916 with its innovative approach to grocery shopping and apply the same principle to church life. If you see something in life and ministry that needs to be done, do it. Don’t present your list to the pastor and expect him to do it.

Notice who does the work of ministry in this passage:

“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service” (Eph. 4:11-12).

Don’t give your ministry shopping list to your pastor. Take care of it yourself—as God leads you and works through you.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Pet. 4:8-10).

Lynn Pryor is the publishing team leader for Bible Studies for Life. He is serving a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com. Follow him @lynnpryor.
Church Leadership

When the Local Bar Acts More Like the Church Than the Church Does

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For the record, I don’t frequent bars. But I do watch a lot of movies. And if Hollywood—that bastion of truth—has taught me anything about bars, it’s two things the church should embrace:

  1. People in bars talk to each other. OK, so maybe it’s because a little alcohol works on our inhibitions, but people talk. They talk to whoever walked in with them, the bartender, or just the random guy sitting on the next bar stool. They talk problems at home, hassles of work, or whatever. They talk about life.
  2. People in bars accept you just as you are.This is the part that fascinates me. People will talk about themselves, and those listening just listen. No judgments. There’s a sense of shared humanity: we’ve all got problems and we’re in this together.

Sure, people at church talk to each other, but there’s often a superficiality to it. We talk about the Bible, we talk about Jesus—and in all we talk about, we want to appear spiritual. We want to look like we’ve got it all together. After all, if we’re Christians and we love Jesus, shouldn’t we have it all together?

We don’t have it all together.

And because we don’t have it all together—but we assume other believers do—we don’t want to open up, lest we look inferior or unspiritual. We’re afraid people won’t accept us as we are—or worse, they’ll reject us. So we pretend. And when it comes to praying together, we talk about a distant relative’s gall bladder rather than our own doubts and struggles. Unfortunately, this lack of openness means we miss out on the deep sense of family and fellowship—sharing all things in common—Christ intends for His church.

I lead a small group Bible study. One week as we closed in prayer, one of the group members requested prayer because she had been struggling with feeling down all week. At the end of our prayer time, another person commented, “I didn’t know she struggled with that too. I sometimes get down, but I didn’t want to say anything.” A connection was formed that day, and it created more openness in the group.

I always thought the theme song to Cheers would be a great theme song for the local church. Just for the moment, don’t picture Norm on a bar stool; picture Norm on a church pew. Shouldn’t the lyrics of this song reflect a key motivation for going to church?

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

When we come to Christ, we come to His family. Let’s be family, talking and accepting each other.

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom. 15:7).

Lynn Pryor is the publishing team leader for Bible Studies for Life. He is serving a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com. Follow him @lynnpryor.
Church Leadership

Three Ways to Improve Your Skill as a Small Group Leader

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When I enlist leaders for new groups, I look for one key trait:

a teachable spirit.

The value of any teacher—whether he or she has never led a group or has been leading groups for fifty years—is his or her desire to learn—and keep learning. Unfortunately, too many leaders assume they know exactly how to lead a group, and that assumption is based on how someone once led them. Too often, bad teaching skills are simply passed down through the years.

But even for those among who do know how to facilitate a group, it’s wise to keep learning. The message of Scripture never changes, but methodologies change. Different generations process knowledge and interact with one another in different ways. Culture has an impact on the teaching-learning process, so there is great value in continually looking for ways to improve. And if our desire is to honor Christ through our groups, wouldn’t that include a desire to give Him our very best?

Let me suggest three ways you can invest in your group members by becoming a better leader.

  1. Self study. Pick up a book and read it! Many books are available on creative teaching, facilitating a group, and leading effective Bible study groups. A set of books I have found especially helpful over the years are written (or co-authored) by David Francis. Each book is intensely practical. Although short (48 pages), each book is not one to breeze through. Read a chapter, mull it over, and consider ways to apply it to your leadership.
  1. Group planning. If your group is a part of a planned, strategic discipleship strategy in your church (and I sincerely hope it is), consider getting with other group leaders to plan. When the leaders are studying the same book or using the same curriculum, they can come together and share ideas. Some churches do this weekly; some do it monthly. I can immediately call to mind specific stories of how my group study was enriched because of planning beforehand with others. On some occasions, I have walked into the planning meeting with a solid plan in place, but as we discussed ideas for leading, I left with an even stronger plan. On other occasions, I struggled with how I would approach a certain issue or part of my plan. As I shared my concern and we discussed it, I left the meeting with a great solution.
  1. Conferences. Check around for Bible study training occurring in your area. Some denominations (Southern Baptists, for example) offer training events on a state and local level. These conferences are led by experienced practitioners and offer great tips for working with different age groups, developing a creative study, facilitating a discussion, and on and on. One benefit I particularly enjoy is interacting with leaders from different churches. We learn from each other.

Leading your group has kingdom impact. It is significant! That reason alone should be the impetus for doing what you can to continually hone your skills as a group leader. Take advantage of the opportunities before you.

Lynn Pryor is the publishing team leader for Bible Studies for Life. He is serving a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com. Follow him @lynnpryor.

 

Church Leadership

Taking Discipleship Beyond the Group Time

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Every Bible study leader wants to do more than simply teach the Bible. We lead our groups because we want to see people transformed by the truths of God’s Word. We want people to come to faith in Christ. We want people to grow in that faith and their walk with Christ.

But how do we do that? How do I disciple my group?

Discipleship is not limited to simply the time we meet. In fact, for those whose time with God is limited to the group experience, I’d say their discipleship is virtually non-existent. OK, maybe not non-existent, but it’s anemic.

Discipleship is a daily process. I encourage discipleship with my group by offering them a tool that gets them in the Word every day—and they’re more easily motivated when this daily discipleship builds on their group experience. If you want your group members to grow beyond what’s discussed in the group, offer them a study and discipleship plan that go hand-in-hand.

LifeWay’s three primary Bible study curriculums each offer such a resource: a Daily Discipleship Guide. These books include three pieces that, each week, work together toward spiritual transformation.

 

1. The group experience. It begins with you as the leader. Each week, you’ll lead the group to discuss God’s Word. You’ll focus on a passage of Scripture. This group time is centered on their discussion and deep dive into the passage.

 

 

2. D Groups. Encourage the individuals in your Bible study group to meet with two other people during the week to dig further on the topic. People call these smaller groups by different names: D Groups, Triads, you name it, but the idea is that they continue to talk it out with only two more people. Over coffee or lunch, they can encourage each other and hold each other accountable as they grow in Christ.

 

 

3. Daily Study. The book provides five days of individual reading. Call it devotions, a quiet time, or time alone with God. This key part of discipleship occurs when your group members take the opportunity to read, think further on the passage, record their thoughts, and take action on their own.

 

Why is all this important? Well…because it’s discipleship. And discipleship doesn’t just happen because the group meets one day a week. Discipleship happens throughout the week. Discipleship happens as we keep reflecting on God’s Word and what He wants us to do in response. You can facilitate your group’s discipleship by giving them a resource like a Daily Discipleship Guide.

For more information:

Bible Studies for Life

Explore the Bible

The Gospel Project

Lynn Pryor is the publishing team leader for Bible Studies for Life. He is serving a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com. Follow him @lynnpryor.

 

Group Leadership

A Word to the One Who Has Failed as a Mother

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Mother’s Day is approaching. If you lead a group that includes moms, share this word with them. 

For those times when you feel like you blew it with your kids—whether you yelled at them, didn’t listen, accidentally played favorites, was too controlling, or was too lenient—you’re not alone. I wonder if the following women ever felt that way. Consider their background.

  1. Tamar was married to a wicked man, so wicked that, well, let’s just say God “took him out of the picture.” Tamar was angry with her father-in-law, so she tricked him into having sex. Tamar raised twin boys in a dysfunctional family setting (Gen. 38).
  1. Rahab was a prostitute in a seriously evil city, Jericho. Now she did a good thing when she protected the Israelite men who had come to spy on Jericho before they attacked (Josh. 2), and she is remembered for her faith and trust (Heb. 11:31). Yet I wonder if guilt over her past affected her parenting, or if her children were laughed at because their mother had turned tricks.
  1. Ruth had a story we love to tell. She was not Jewish, but she embraced the faith of her mother-in-law Naomi. But one part of her story usually gets glossed over. Boaz was a man related to Ruth’s deceased husband, and in their culture, he was a candidate to step in and marry her. But instead of just informing Boaz, Ruth went to where Boaz was sleeping and layed down. Scholars disagree on how much of a sexual advance we should read into this—and if that was Ruth’s intent, Boaz was righteous enough that he did not take advantage of the situation. This may not have been Ruth’s intention, but she sure made it easy for the whole scene to take a bad turn.
  1. Bathsheba had an affair with King David, which resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. After her husband was killed, she married the king and her child died. She had at least one other child, Solomon, but her entrance into motherhood was marred with sin.

There you have it—four women whose background would make them suspect in the local parent-teacher association. Were they good mothers or bad mothers? We don’t know, but I can assure you of one thing:

God used them.

All four of these women are mentioned by Matthew in his account of the genealogy of Jesus. He didn’t mention Eve, Sarah, or other women who surely had better pasts. He mentioned these four women by name. Yes, they were not perfect women—and by extension, we can assume they were not perfect mothers—but God used them to ultimately bring us the Messiah. 

God uses us in spite of our mistakes. If there are things you can correct, do so. If you need to ask for forgiveness, ask. But rest also in God’s grace and ability to work in the lives of your children—even your wayward children.

God is not through with your kids. And He is not through with you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Lynn Pryor is a team leader for adult resources at LifeWay. He is serving a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.

 

Church Leadership, Group Leadership

When Mother’s Day Hurts

By

Mother’s Day. It’s almost a sacred institution in our culture. If you think I’m exaggerating, ask any preacher who’s ever failed to preach on the topic or have a Mother’s Day emphasis on the second Sunday of May. 

I’m all for honoring mothers, but not everyone looks forward to Mother’s Day, such as:

  • Those who grieve over what once was. Many people still feel the pain of the death of a mother or a child.
  • Those who grieve over what could’ve been. Many women have suffered a miscarriage. (Read The Silence of Miscarriage.)
  • Those who grieve over what never was. Many women want children but have never been able to conceive.

Let’s find ways to encourage people to honor their mothers while being sensitive to those who hurt.

  1. Acknowledge the hurt. Most of those struggling with painful emotions on Mother’s Day do so in silence. They endure the emphasis during a worship service, but it’s not easy. Let’s be open and acknowledge that many of us feel pain when we talk about motherhood. People are encouraged when they don’t feel forgotten or overlooked.
  1. Avoid overstating the worth of mothers. I’d better explain that. Mothers are important. The Bible is clear on the importance of the family, and its pivotal role in all our lives. But consider the message we send when we make motherhood the greatest task a woman can undertake. For those women whom God has not blessed with children, they can be made to feel they have no worth. For women who’ve lost a child through miscarriage or death, they can be led to think their worth has been taken from them.
  1. Make it a day to appreciate our own mothers. To put it bluntly, my role as a church leader is not to honor all mothers; my role is to encourage and challenge everyone to honor their own mothers (and fathers). That’s biblical.

“Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise” (Eph. 6:2).

We can honor our mothers whether they are living or not.

  • Honor is seen in our attitude toward them.
  • Honor is seen in what we do when we’re with them.
  • Honor is seen in how we talk to them or respond to their advice.
  • Honor is seen is how we talk about them.

Make this Mother’s Day a day that honors Christ in the way we both honor mothers and love those who are hurt.

Lynn Pryor is a team leader for adult resources at LifeWay. He serves a Nashville church as their transitional interim pastor. Lynn and his wife, Mary, have survived raising two sons to adulthood. A graduate of Southwestern Seminary, Lynn has previously pastored and served churches in Texas. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.

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