Michael Kelley, Author at Group Ministry

December 9, 2019

Three Ways to Take the Temperature of Your Group

My family will tell you that I’m a thermostat control freak. I have a day marked on my calendar when I have arbitrarily determined it’s acceptable to flip on the air conditioning or the heater, depending on the season. And even when those systems come on, they’re never set quite how my family would prefer.

They’d sure like the AC to flip on before it gets to be 76 degrees, and they’d probably enjoy the heater coming on before it gets to 65. Thing is, though, I like it just fine. I actually get quite a bit of satisfaction when I’m sweating in our living room, or when I’m bundled up at the kitchen table. It makes me feel tough; it makes me feel frugal. (Notice I said frugal. Not cheap. Can I get an amen from the dads out there?)

But even as I write this, I’m realizing that those under my care don’t have the same sensibilities I do. I have created an environment in the home that I like, appreciate, and enjoy, but those within the environment I’ve created might not be having the same reaction. Sure, I can simply dismiss their feelings and keep the thermostat the way I like it, but as a leader in the home I would do well to “take the temperature” of my family to see how they’re responding to the temperature of our home.

It’s a bit of a silly illustration, but the principle is strong, I believe. When you find yourself in a leadership role, whether in an organization, a small group, or a home, there is a certain temperature you have created in that environment. As godly leaders, we are not only responsible for setting the temperature; we are responsible for knowing how the temperature we have set is affecting those who have to live inside it.

When you take the temperature, you are making sure that you have not done something detrimental to the people living in it. You are humbly acknowledging that the culture you have intentionally created is having its desired effect, which is moving people closer and closer to Jesus. And you are also acknowledging that you are not the ultimate authority, and that like any other human, you might have made a mistake and created an environment that is having unintended consequences.

So how can you take the temperature inside the environment you lead? I would suggest at least three ways:

1. Listen. Most of the time, people who sit in your environment are talking. Many times it’s the easiest thing in the world to become so convinced that you’re right and your decisions are valid that you purposely choose not to listen to those who are speaking. But if you really want to know the temperature of the environment you’ve created, you’ve got to make sure your ears are open.

Of course, when you’re listening to others, you must also be listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit. That’s because not every voice you hear will be right or even helpful. So through the wisdom that only God will provide, you and I must learn who and what to listen to and when is the right moment to take heed.

2. Observe. Let me go back to the illustration of our home. It’s possible that my sweet wife knows by now that I like the thermostat set at a certain temperature. And though she might not like it that way, she has decided in her godly heart to not press the issue; instead, she has decided to wear a scarf and gloves to the dinner table.

Many times observation is an even more helpful method of taking the temperature than listening. That’s because people always communicate even when they’re not speaking. They communicate through their body language, their gestures, and even the indirect questions they ask. Watch, observe, take note—people will tell you what the temperature is even when they don’t tell you what the temperature is.

3. Ask. Of these three, this is the most obvious, but it’s also the one I think we do the least. We can actually, verbally, ask the question. Why don’t we do this more?

I would posit it’s because we already know what the answer is, and we don’t want to really hear it. That’s because when we do, we have to react to what we suspect but are unwilling to admit to ourselves. This is a humbling thing; it means we may have to adjust the “perfect plan” we had in place, and it means we have to admit that we, too, make mistakes.

But in those moments, we would do well to ask ourselves whether we would rather live with an illusion or pursue a better future? We can actually find someone we trust, someone we know will tell us the truth, and actually ask the question.

If you find yourself in a leadership role, friends, be it of an organization, church, group, or something else, don’t be afraid to take the temperature of the environment you are stewarding. Don’t be so married to your good intentions that you fail to embrace reality.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter: @_MichaelKelley.

Church Leadership

September 10, 2019

3 Reasons Christians Must Live Alertly

By Michael Kelley

The best $7.99 I’ve spent in the last three years was adding a pretty extensive (and expensive, as far as apps go) weather app to my phone. It’s very cool. And just so you know I’m serious, I’ll say it again: It’s very cool. (Pay no attention to what my wife says regarding this issue.)

While you can use it to get all kinds of maps and track all kinds of storms, the thing I love most about it is the way it alerts me if severe weather is coming. You can set static locations, like home and work, and any time a storm is moving toward those locations, I get an alert. But it also has a “follow me” feature on it that, when you enable it, will alert you to severe weather when it is moving toward your current location no matter where you are. I could be in Colorado and get an alert about weather moving toward our home in Tennessee. Or I could be driving through south Texas and get an alert about a storm that’s currently in my path.

What is the alert? Glad you asked. It’s a truly obnoxious sound that’s impossible to ignore—just the way I like it. That means my days of staying up all night watching for any approaching tornadoes are over. I know that my phone is going to scare me half to death at 3 a.m. if indeed I need to know something dangerous is coming our way.

This single app has enabled me to live in a more alert fashion to this particular aspect of my environment. And it strikes me that, as a Christian, there are several reasons why alertness must characterize our lives. That we cannot simply muddle our way day in and day out but instead must live with a greater sense of awareness as a result of our faith. Here, then, are three such reasons why the Christian must live alertly:

1. Jesus is coming back.

This is a really real thing. It could be today. Like now. Or now. Or now. Or maybe tomorrow. That’s kind of the point. After a series of parables, all centering on the return of Jesus and the proper and improper ways to prepare, Jesus summarized it like this in Matthew 24:42: “Therefore be alert, since you don’t know what day[s] your Lord is coming.”

It’s in a slight way like coming home from work everyday. Though they don’t do it as often as they used to, occasionally I am greeted by the sound of my kids yelling to welcome me home when I come in the door. They didn’t know exactly what time I was coming, but they knew I was. And they were alert to my inevitable appearance. In the same way, we live with an uncertain confidence in Jesus’ return. We are confident that it’s happening, but not confident as to when. The proper response is to not make predictions around the exact time, but rather live constantly with a sense of alertness as to the inevitability of His impending return.

2. Opportunities are all around us.

The Christian must also live alertly because of the opportunities around us to make much of the kingdom of God. In the book of Ephesians, Paul lays out in two specific verses the rationale behind this. First, in Ephesians 2:8-10, he reminds us that we are saved by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone, but he goes on to help us see that this faith is active in nature: “For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.”

God has saved us, but He has also intentionally planned good works for us and placed them in our path. These are good works we are to walk in, recognizing them as such, and then doing what the love of Jesus compels us to do day in and day out. That’s the heart behind the second verse in Ephesians, this one coming from chapter 5: “Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil.”

Be careful, Christian, as you are walking, because unless you are alert, you will miss the opportunities right in front of you to work and invest for the sake of the gospel and the kingdom.

3. We have the tendency to drift.

We must, as Christians, be alert because Jesus is coming back. And we must be alert because of the opportunities God has put in our path. We must also be alert because we know our own hearts, and unless we are alert, we will always tend to drift from Jesus: “We must, therefore, pay even more attention to what we have heard, so that we will not drift away” (Heb. 2:1). No one drifts toward Jesus. Instead, like a boat not anchored in the middle of the sea, unless we are actively and alertly fighting against it, we will always move from our original position.

As we continue what discipleship means in the context of groups, one of the conclusions we must come to is that the maturing Christian is the Christian who is ever increasingly alert. We help people whom God has entrusted to our care to remember that Jesus is coming back, that opportunities around us abound, and that we all have the tendency to drift. May it be, then, that in all of our groups, as we continue to work toward discipleship, that we call one another day by day to a greater degree of attention.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter: @_MichaelKelley.

Church Leadership

September 5, 2019

4 Lessons About Discipleship from the First Week of School

By Michael Kelley

This past week marked the beginning of another school year in the Kelley household. This one’s a bit different than in years past because this year, we’ve got a middle schooler. That means two different school start times, two different drop-offs and pickups, and two different sets of expectations and apprehensions. But despite all those things, we made it through with minimal anxiety and bloodshed. And as I think back across this week, I am filled with admiration for my children.

I admire their attitudes and excitement. I admire their desire and individuality. I admire their ease in making friends and trying new things. And I have admired the way they’ve asked us to pray for them about specific things this week. I’ve seen so many things in them this week that have caused me to give thanks but that have also challenged me. I’m not starting school this year, but in a sense, we are all in the school of discipleship. It’s a progressive school where we are moving further and further toward Christian maturity, learning and changing and repenting and going at it again along the way.

I’ve seen in my children, the way they have begun this year, a few things that ring true about the school of discipleship as well. Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned from them as applied to my own ongoing spiritual education. I hope these things will be helpful to you also as you continue to serve in the capacity of some kind of small group ministry.

1. Routine can bring freedom.

We have been pretty set in our morning and afternoon routine these past few years, mainly because it was relatively familiar to us. But with the advent of middle school, we have had to reevaluate how things function in our home. When are lunches made? How is homework done? What time do people get up in the morning? All those things play into establishing a routine. And because this year is different, we had to somewhat turn over what we were formerly doing and start over. But a few days in, the new routine has been established.

And in that routine has come freedom. Expectations are set, and they are met, and when they are, there is a lesser amount of anxiety and franticness. Routine allows a slower and more intentional pace because you don’t feel like everything has to be done right now. Such is the case with discipleship.

Routine builds our expectations and allows us to anticipate the right things at the right time. When we, for example, have a routine about the way we read the Bible and pray, then our minds click into gear with the time is right. We don’t feel the pressing tyranny of the urgent because we know that there is a time for everything, and the time now is to sit and read. Of course, routines are made to be broken. And in the school day as well as in discipleship, it takes wisdom to know when the routine has stopped serving you and when you have started serving it.

2. Together is better.

We have had sweet times together over dinner this past week. Part of that is because of the newness of school—when everything is the most amazing and awesome in the world. I’m sure that will change soon enough. But those times will be sweet in a different way, for those are the times when we have the privilege of not only laughing together but also crying together as a family. The key word here is “together,” and together is better.

Such is the case with discipleship. Together is better here, too. We often think of our spiritual development in isolation, and that’s good and right so far as it goes. But God has been building, for all time, a people for Himself, together worshiping Him for all eternity. When we come together regularly with the people of God, unified by the truth of the gospel, then we are able to laugh, weep, rejoice, and bear each other’s burdens. We are able to encourage and remind each other of the promises of God so that we might press onto another day in faith.

3. Mercies are new every morning.

They are indeed. Thank the Lord. I shouldn’t make it sound like this first week has been perfect; far from it. We’ve had arguments, and discussions that turned into arguments. But at least for the time being, the kids have come downstairs each morning cheerful and ready for a new day. It has been a reminder to me that a good night’s rest is an amazing antiseptic—nothing looks as bad as it does at midnight, and everything looks a little better in the morning.

I don’t think this is just “self-help” rhetoric—I think it is because, for the Christian, we know that God’s mercies are truly new every morning. And that when we wake up, we can be confident that this is the day the Lord has made, and we should be obedient to rejoice and be glad in it. The kids, even though they might not recognize it, are showing me this discipline with the way they are coming downstairs even if the night before has been difficult.

For the disciple, every morning is a new day. And with the new day comes the choice to believe that God is not absent, but instead has filled that day with good works for us to walk in. We can, then, as a matter of discipleship to look on the coming day as an opportunity to embrace His work in and through us.

4. In the midst of complexity, return to the basics.

This year is going to be complex. Jana and I have already discussed how our new middle schooler is within weeks of aging out of our ability to legitimately help him with his math homework. It’s going to be complex, and math is just the beginning of the list of reasons. How will we handle all that complexity in school, relationships, and dynamics? I don’t know specifically, but in general, I think we will go back to the basics again and again. We will have dinner together. We will pray together. We will laugh together. We will be safe together.

This is one of the glories of home—that no matter what else is happening in the world, home is where you come back to and leave all masks and pretense at the door. Home is where you are you, and you are loved. That’s returning to the basics.

The same thing is true in discipleship, for there are certainly complexities in the world for the Christian. There are moral complexities, societal complexities, and relational complexities. There are also theological and doctrinal complexities. What, then, can we do in light of these things? We can return to the basics.

For the disciple, that means coming back to the home of the gospel. It means returning again and again to the simple and unchanging truth that with Jesus, we are eternally safe because He has loved us even unto death.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter: @_MichaelKelley.

Church Leadership

February 11, 2019

The Slow and Steady Pace of Discipleship

By Michael Kelley

Most of the mechanisms God uses to transform us into Christlikeness aren’t the big, but the small. They are the series of choices we face day after day. This is how Paul described growing in Christ – not as something exciting, but as a methodical process akin to that of athletic training:

Don’t you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize. Now everyone who competes exercises self-control in everything. However, they do it to receive a crown that will fade away, but we a crown that will never fade away. Therefore I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air. Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, CSB).

Despite what the training montages in the Rocky movies might lead you to believe, being an athlete is hard work. It’s not accomplished in 5 minutes and it’s not usually done to the soundtrack of Survivor. Staying in top shape requires waking up at 4 a.m. every morning and going to bed early every night; having a plan for what you eat and how you spend your time; making sure that all the small choices in life point to the one goal. That’s the metaphor Paul chose for growing in Christ – it’s an athletic contest, not a magic show where doves come flying out of a hat.

One of the reasons that everything has meaning for us as disciples of Christ is because everything is either moving us toward Christ-likeness or away from it. Every choice isn’t just about the choice – it’s about whether we are embracing our sanctification or pushing against it. Paul knew the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ – that he is so valuable that anything stacked up against him looks like dung. Is it any wonder, then, that he would, just one chapter after 1 Corinthians 9, also exhort those in Corinth to consider the little things of life as an opportunity to glorify God? “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

These common, everyday choices are the guts of discipleship. Following Christ is not just about selling everything you have for the sake of the poor (though it might indeed be that at some point); it also involves managing your time; appropriately handling your throw away thoughts; glorifying God through your eating and drinking; seeing the small things of life as things that either move you toward or away from Christlikeness. Disciples understand the true significance of these choices.

When was the last time you or I thought about these things? Chances are we haven’t considered them nearly as often as God has. As much as we might long for something new and different, something more exciting and fresh, God is still vitally concerned that we make the everyday, run of the mill choices of faithfulness because we desire the same thing that He does – to more and more resemble His Son.

Many of us, in an effort to spice things up a little bit, have abandoned thinking deeply about and struggling with these choices. Similarly, we have abandoned the everyday practices of saints of the past, looking for something a little bit more modern and progressive. So we find ourselves bowing down to the idol of excitement all while claiming to be seeking after the living God.

We don’t need something new. We need something old. We need to do the same things that saints of old have been doing in order to deepen our understanding and apprehension of the greatness of God. We need to see that it’s not some kind of secret formula or latest methodology that exposes the myth of the ordinary. Instead it’s through these means of grace that many of us have cast aside as outdated and legalistic that God has chosen to deepen our relationship and experience with Him.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Church Leadership

November 13, 2018

The Most Dangerous Question You Can Ask When Studying the Bible

By Michael Kelley

I believe in questions. I believe in them because they help us learn. Because they encourage our imagination and our sense of wonder. Because they exercise our creativity. And because asking questions, both to other people and to ourselves, helps us personalize information.

I believe in questions. And I believe in questions when studying the Bible. In the same respect, questions help us dig deeply into the meaning of Scripture. Questions help us meditate on the truth we find there. And questions also help us move our time in God’s Word from being just an educational exercise and into the realm of training in godliness. So it’s good and right, I believe, to ask all kinds of questions when we are studying the Bible. But there is one question we should avoid. It’s a question that is, in fact, dangerous for us to ask:

“What does this passage mean to me?”

Or, if you are leading someone else in Bible study, the question looks like this:

“What does this passage mean to you?”

Why is this a dangerous question to ask? It’s because the question itself implies a level of authority for you or me that we simply don’t have. It supposes that you and I have the right to determine what a passage of Scripture means to us. And what it means to me might not be what it means to you, but that’s okay, because each one of us determines the meaning on our own. And so we find ourselves on the slippery slope of relative truth in which we are all living under our own lordship. Of course, when we ask that question to ourselves or to others we might not be intentionally alluding to this, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither is a worldview formed in a moment, but only over the course of time with repeated questions like this.

When we come to the Bible, we must come with an understanding of the Bible’s authority. That it is the truth. And when we see the Bible as authoritative, then the question of “what this passage means to me” becomes irrelevant. To be blunt about it, who cares what the Bible means to me? Who cares what the Bible means to you? I didn’t write it, and neither did you. The question, if the Bible really is God’s authoritative Word, is not what it means to me, but rather what does it mean period. Because it means what it means what it means.

By way of illustration, let’s say that I have a plate of food that I serve to a group of friends. I might ask all kinds of questions about that food – what does this look like to you? What does it taste like to you? What is the texture? What does it remind you of? All these questions can being out a deeper appreciation of the dish. But if I asked the question, “What is this plate of food to you?” then it is really just speculation. In the end, it might be an interesting discussion of what different people think it is, but what they think it is doesn’t change what it actually is.

But there is a simple change we can make to this question that makes all the difference in the world. It’s just a one word alteration, but with that single change we also change the implication dramatically. We emphasize the authoritative nature of God’s Word. Further, we also emphasize that God’s Word, because it is authoritative, requires a personal response from us. Here’s the change:

“What does this passage mean for you?”

Or,

“What does this passage mean for me?”

Again, just one word. But that one word makes all the difference because with this new question, we are calling ourselves or other people not to decide upon what truth is, but instead to act on the revealed truth. This is a good question. This is the right question. And this is the right posture for us to have when we approach God’s Word. We approach the Bible knowing that this is God’s Word to us, and God’s Word is calling us to respond over and over again. It is a Word for us. For us to respond to. For us to live by. For us to treasure. But not for us to interpret according to our own desires.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Church Leadership

September 26, 2018

Don’t Forget to Give This Gift to Your Group

By Michael Kelley

Vision. Direction. Goals. Strategy.

These are the buzzwords of leadership, whether Christian or otherwise. And these are good, right, and important things. A leader must work to master these disciplines, and a Christian leader should be proficient in these areas as a matter of stewardship. God has, after all, entrusted us with this role of leadership, whether seemingly big or small, and as stewards we should work to make the most of the opportunity.

In a way, all these things are gifts a leader gives to those he or she leads as a matter of stewardship, especially if all the vision, direction, goals and strategy is centered on the gospel. But there is one gift that many leaders fail to give their people; one that Paul articulated in his first letter to the church at Thessalonica:

“We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us” (1 Thess. 2:8).

Do you see it? There are two things that Paul reminded this church that he, and others, gave freely to them.

First of all, there is the gospel of God. This is the center point of leadership, in as much as it is the center point of life. This is the great grid through which all our vision, strategy, and everything else as leaders must be filtered through. And it’s not only that the specific vision we articulate must be centered in the gospel; the way we communicate, measure, and implement that vision must also be centered in the gospel. Paul gave this gift to the church. But then comes the second gift – the gift of his own life.

This is the gift we, as leaders, often fail to give. We can articulate many other things, set many other directions, measure many other metrics—but we often fail to give our own lives. In other words, those we lead might have a great sense of direction, a compelling gospel-centered vision, and a crystal clear set of metrics in order to gauge progress toward goals… and yet might not know us as leaders.

Once upon a time, I had a seminary class about church leadership. The professor was a well known and well respected retired pastor. And in one of his opening lectures, he cautioned all these young and impressionable young leaders: “Church leadership is the loneliest profession you could have chosen.” Whether that is how it should be or not, he was stating a fact. Leaders—and sadly, perhaps most especially Christian leaders—are lonely. They are not known. They might be faithful in sharing the gospel of God and yet very unfaithful in sharing their own lives.

I’m sure there are valid reasons for this. But I’m also sure that our failure as leaders to share our lives has some invalid reasons too. Reasons like our pride—that a leader should be “above” the doubts and struggles of those they lead. Reasons like our insecurity—that even though we put a confident show of bravado we are actually deeply insecure souls who need to be reminded that Jesus loves them like anyone else. I’m sure there are others.

What we fail to realize, though, is that sharing our lives with those we lead is actually not a burden to them. It is a gift.

It is a gift to know that the person who teaches me God’s Word is also a real person. It’s a gift to know the deep places of the heart where this conviction of the gospel is born. It’s a gift to know how specifically I can pray for and encourage these leaders.

Our lives are a gift. And the gospel frees us to share, with boldness, not only the great truths of that gospel, but also our very lives.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Church Leadership

August 10, 2018

Three Tips for Building Trust in Your Small Group

By Michael Kelley

Imagine that, for some reason, you’ve been talked into doing something which might be completely out of character for you on your next birthday. So you wake up the morning of that birthday, get dressed, hop in the car, and drive to a small airstrip and get ready to jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a device strapped to your back. You are going skydiving.

Perhaps you’ve been able to work yourself up for the moment. You’ve told yourself what a great story it’ll make, how exciting it’ll be, and how unique the opportunity is. And that rationale has propelled you to this moment. It’s even given you enough adrenaline to get on the plane. But there will come a moment—a moment when the plane is at its height, when the green light comes on, and the door opens—when adrenaline won’t cut it anymore. That’s the moment when you’ll have to make a choice—either to step out of that plane, or to head back to your seat.

I would propose that that decision is a decision of trust. Do you really trust the instructor? Do you really trust the parachute? For that matter, do you really trust the manufacturer of that parachute and the safety inspector who signed off on it? See, all our choices are really, if you boil them down, based on trust at the core.

If you really step out of the plane at that moment, chances are the trust you display by doing so didn’t happen in a moment; rather, it was cultivated over a period of training, conversations, and questions. This isn’t unlike what happens in a small group.

As a leader, you want your group to have a culture of openness and vulnerability. You want people to share freely what they struggle with as well as their joys. You want these people to know and love each other deeply. In short, you want it to be an atmosphere of trust. But that trust doesn’t happen by accident. You, as a leader, can take an active role in building that kind of trust among your group members, and here are three ways how:

1. Make the first move.

Trust starts to happen when someone makes the first move. When someone is willing to step out and trust someone else with their true selves—their fears, their doubts, and their unmet expectations. This isn’t an easy thing to do.

But trust is also like a fire: once you get a small spark, it can quickly grow. You, as a leader, can be the spark. Of course, that means that you have to also be the first one to take a chance at opening yourself up to other people. But as you do, you’ll find those around you who are hungry for an environment of trust where they can do the same.

2. Invite people to tell their stories.

One of the easiest ways to start building trust in your group is to provide an opportunity for people to tell the stories of their lives. There are a number of ways you can do this—you might, for example, devote the first 10 minutes of each of your group times for one person to share some of their story to help others know them better.

But it shouldn’t stop there. When you come across a point you are trying to make in the group, instead of sharing a story from your personal life in order to illustrate it, ask someone else to share their story. Of course, that would mean that you, as a leader, have taken the time to get to know people well outside of the group which is, by the way, another excellent way to build trust.

3. Make time for connection.

Trust is something that is built over time. It’s constructed brick by brick as people become more and more comfortable and familiar with each other. Sure, that can happen in a structured Bible study group, but it can happen much more quickly through the unstructured times.

Don’t underestimate the value of asking your group to meet for lunch or dinner or go to the park together outside of your official group time. These opportunities for connection aren’t just fun; they become the basis for solid relationships.

Trust doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not easy, and it will take some risk, but the spiritual growth and development that happens as we live together in authentic community is worth it.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Church Leadership

August 6, 2018

3 Reasons to Get to Bible Study Week at LifeWay Christian Stores

By Michael Kelley

Decades ago, the month of August was sort of seen as the “last gasp” of summer. Vacations were still happening, pools were still populated, and the AC was still running at full blast. That’s because most schools didn’t actually begin until the last week in August, or even after Labor Day.

But times? They are a-changin’. Some of those things are still true, but increasingly August has become less of an ending of summer and more the start of fall. For churches and groups, this means that August is ramp up time.

This is when groups of all times start their planning and preparation for a new cycle. In an effort to help that planning and preparation happen well, we are pleased to host the first ever “Bible Study Week” in all LifeWay Christian stores August 6-11. This is a great opportunity to take advantage of if you lead a group, or if you are in charge of the group ministry for your church.

Specifically, here are three reasons why you should make the effort to get to a LifeWay store near you during Bible Study Week:

1. Grow as a leader.

People are busy. It’s a fact of life. As a result of our increasingly overcrowded schedules, many churches don’t have the same opportunity they once did to train the leaders for their Group Ministry. To help with this, we are pleased to offer compact training opportunities during Bible Study Week.

This training – “How to Lead a Bible Study Group” – will be offered three times during Bible Study Week:

Monday, August 6 at 7 pm
Wednesday, August 8 at 11 am
Friday, August 10 at 10 am

This practical training will be a great refresher course for a seasoned leader, or a helpful jump start to give you confidence if you are a leader for the very first time.

2. Join the community.

Leadership at any level can feel lonely at times. That’s why it’s important to be reminded that you aren’t the only one taking the initiative to help people around you grow spiritually. Making time to come to Bible Study Week at LifeWay will be encouraging to you in this respect. You’ll find associates there who are your biggest fans, eager to help equip you for ministry.

And through the training workshops offered, you’ll be able to sit in a circle with people who have taken on the same task as you are. Not only will you learn some of the best and helpful leadership practices, you’ll be able to interact and dialogue with others.

3. Choose the right study.

One of the most difficult parts of leading a group can be knowing what to center that group on. After all, there are tons of potential Bible studies you can lead your group through. As part of choosing the right one, you might ask things like:

Can I trust the content?
Who is the author?
Will this resource really meet our needs?
Is there a video that goes with this study?

This week, all those questions can be answered. In addition, to try and make resourcing your group as affordable as possible, we are offering a special “buy one get one free” Bible study book sale for nine different Bible studies that we are confident can help you make disciples.

If you’re a group leader, mark your calendar for August 6-11. We hope to see you soon in a LifeWay store near you.

Click here for the full details of Bible Study Week.

Church Leadership

June 13, 2018

Dads, Don’t Waste Your Summer

By Michael Kelley

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil – Ephesians 5:15-16

Nuance is everything in this passage. Depending on how you read these words, you can either find yourself emboldened or shrunken back. The hinge seems to be on the word carefully.

Since it’s in the context of walking, I think about how I go to check on my kids after bedtime. We live in an older house, and it seems like at night the wooden floors creak with every step. So I creep through the playroom down the hall—being very careful how I walk—to try and keep the creaks from waking them up. The thing about my walk in that instance is that it’s a defensive carefulness: I’m careful with every footfall, like I’m walking on eggshells, because I don’t want to step in the wrong place.

But I don’t think the verse above is meant to cause us to watch every footfall, our head swiveling back and forth and sweat beading on our foreheads to make sure we don’t step wrongly. It’s true that, as Christians, we are to be careful where we go, what we see, and what we do to make sure we avoid sin. And sin is everywhere, because, as the verse says, the days are evil.

In the context above, however, it seems to be more of an offensive carefulness that Paul wanted to inspire. We are to be careful in order to make the best use of time—literally, redeeming the time. When you redeem something, you trade it in for something better. You “buy back” the time you have been given to use for good. In that sense, our head is swiveling around, but it’s not fear that motivates us. It’s anticipation. We look in every direction to make sure we’re not missing any chance to do good by way of the gospel.

Here is where this truth hits the road right now: summer.

We typically think about the summer as a time to pull back. To take a break. To rest up for what will be a busy fall. So we go to the beach, sleep late, and lounge around. Maybe we even shut down our Bible study groups for a while.

In other words, we play defense against the pressures of life. But what if, instead of playing defense this summer, we chose to play offense? What if we had a redemptive mindset toward the time we have rather than a defensive one?

Summer could become something different. A time to walk boldly. A time to engage rather than pull back. A time to stride through life, looking this way and that, determined not to miss any opportunity.

So dads, the summer is coming, and it could be more than a time for mowing the lawn and sipping lemonade. Certainly it can be those things, too, but let’s not neglect the best for the good. Be on the offense when it comes to your family:

Reinforce the family discipline of church attendance.
Plan specific and intentional outings for each of your kids.
Lead your family to set goals for the summer, rather than let the season pass you by.
Don’t let the TV or computer use up all of the seasonal margin you have.

What a great season is before us. Together, let’s do what we can to buy back this time.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Church Leadership

June 12, 2018

An Old Testament Prayer for Dads to Pray Daily

By Michael Kelley

You can improve at almost anything in the world the more you do it. Whether it’s shooting hoops, playing the piano, or managing a budget, the more you do something the more comfortable you will feel doing it. And in almost every case, you can reach a reasonable level of proficiency.

Everything except parenting.

It seems to me that the more time I spend as a parent, the less confident I am that I am doing it correctly. I don’t think I’m alone; in fact, at the heart of most parents, I think there is a lurking fear. A nagging doubt. A still small voice that says, in various ways, I don’t know what I’m doing.

And the older the kids get, the more challenging things seem to become. Consequently, so also grows the sense of being out of your depth and over your head as a parent. And I don’t think I’m alone.

So how can you encourage the fathers in your Bible study groups this Father’s Day? How can you help a bunch of guys who don’t really know what they’re doing, but are trying the best they can?

One way is to encourage them to pray a prayer we find in the Old Testament. It’s the prayer Solomon prayed when the Lord told him that he could ask for anything. Now consider that for a moment.

What an offer: The God of the universe, He of infinite power and resources, gave this man a no-limit request to make. So what did Solomon ask for? He asked for wisdom. Here’s how it happened:

At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night. God said, “Ask. What should I give you?”

And Solomon replied, “You have shown great and faithful love to your servant, my father David, because he walked before you in faithfulness, righteousness, and integrity. You have continued this great and faithful love for him by giving him a son to sit on his throne, as it is today.

“Lord my God, you have now made your servant king in my father David’s place.Yet I am just a youth with no experience in leadership. Your servant is among your people you have chosen, a people too many to be numbered or counted. So give your servant a receptive heart to judge your people and to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of yours?”

Now it pleased the Lord that Solomon had requested this (1 Kings 3:5-10).

Solomon had watched his father, David, rule the kingdom. Perhaps he had even been in some introductory “ruler in training” classes. And yet when it came down to it, when the crown finally passed to him, he knew he was in over his head. He was, even at this moment, wise enough to know what he didn’t know.

So what did Solomon do when he sensed his great weakness? How did he respond when he knew how much he lacked? He didn’t fake his way through it. He didn’t remind himself of how talented he already was. He didn’t think positively. He asked the Lord for wisdom to steward well what had been given him.

As a father, this rings so true to me. God has entrusted me, along with all fathers, a great amount. The hearts and souls and education and emotions and everything else—this is what He has given us. And whether you have one child or 10, such a responsibility can be crushing when you consider its magnitude. When you consider what’s at stake. When you consider how deeply you love this small section of humanity.

But oh, the good news of the next verse. That when Solomon owned up to his weakness and asked for help, “it pleased the Lord that Solomon had requested this.”

It gives me great comfort to know that early almost every morning, when I confess my inadequacies as a dad, the Lord is pleased by this. When I ask for help in the middle of a conversation with my children, the Lord is pleased by this. When I tuck them in at night and feel the weight all over again, the Lord is pleased by this.

And then, how much better the news becomes when we, as fathers, know that we have a Father who does not lack. Who actually has wisdom. Who actually has good plans. And who actually has the resources to carry them out. And that because of the gospel, we can call God “Father” and know that He knows how to give better gifts to His children than we do.

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