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Group Leadership

Five Ways to Care for Hurting People During the Holidays

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While many people enjoy the holiday season more than any other time of the year, there are others who struggle to find any joy in it at all. In fact, for many people, this time of year is devastating and debilitating. A broken relationship, a haunting seasonal memory, the death of a friend or family member, or the inability to bless their family with the kind of gifts others are receiving plants a dark cloud over many, especially when they are seeing the masses celebrating passionately when they are hurting deeply.

So how does a small group leader show the love of Christ to those who are living in the midst of the dark night of the soul?

1. Be an active listener while disciplining yourself not to give advice.

For many in this situation, all they need is a listening ear. They need the opportunity to share with someone what they’re feeling and why they’re hurting so deeply. Allow them to say anything they need to say without telling them what they need to do. You can’t fix what’s broken, but you can help them release of some of their emotional intensity.

2. Exercise the ministry of “presence.”

For many, aloneness is what causes their greatest pain. Invite the person to your home to spend the evening without any agenda in mind. In fact, it may be best just to invite them to come for dinner and spend the evening with you and your family.

3. Worship with the hurting individual.

If the person you’re aiding is single, or they’re single when they attend worship at the church (their spouse doesn’t attend church), simply invite them to sit with you. In the presence of God, emotions often flow freely allowing you to be there to comfort them and, in many instances, allowing you to be there and encourage them to trust God in the midst of their darkness.

4. Text words of encouragement often.

Texting has opened the door to encourage in the moment when we don’t have the time for elongated conversations. Use this approach wisely. Don’t bombard the person with statements telling them that it will all work out (this is a promise you can’t honestly make), or that they just need to claim God’s promises. By the way, once a day would be best, twice a day would be optimal.

5. Invite the individual to celebrate the holiday with you—if it’s appropriate in your situation.

That is, if the person is going to spend the holiday alone. Be certain this is agreed to by your family, as many families prefer to spend the holiday with relatives only.

Rick Howerton is the South Central Regional Consultant for the Kentucky Baptist Convention. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Seven Indicators Your Group Is a Disciple-Making Group

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There is much discussion about disciple-making and small groups. It seems to me that, for a period of time, the small group movement elevated community and diminished disciple-making. While the two go hand-in-hand, there are some elements of disciple-making that must be in play if we’re going to grow mature disciples who then make disciples. Use the list below to indicate whether or not your groups ministry has as its primary agenda focused on making disciples.

1. The goal of the group is to learn and obey God’s expectations (Matt. 28:20), not just to gather for meetings and be there for one another in difficult times.

2. Group members are aware of and encouraging one another to come out of their comfort zones when God’s expectations demand it.

3. The person leading the group has been trained in the disciple-making process and realizes their role is much more than just hosting meetings and fellowship experiences.

4. Group members are fully aware that the group leader is their personal disciple-maker and allow the group leader to encourage them and hold them accountable.

5. The person leading the group knows the stages of spiritual transformation, is aware of the level of spiritual maturity of each group member, and is moving each group member toward the next stage.

6. The person leading the group expects and holds group members accountable to read and study the Bible daily and spend time in prayer, as these two disciplines are the primary disciplines necessary for spiritual growth to occur.

7. The person leading the group takes very seriously modeling the lifestyle of Jesus for the growing disciples they lead.

Rick Howerton is the South Central Regional Consultant for the Kentucky Baptist Convention. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Why Do Bible Study Groups?

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When my sons were young children, the word “why” was the word of words. It seemed to accompany any conversation. And oftentimes, it led us down paths that were never ending. The word “why,” in the eyes of a child, simply leads to another question—why? That is, unless God is the author of the answer to the question.

So why do Bible study groups? There are many reasons to do groups. A few stand out above all others, and one ends the conversation:

  • A group is the perfect place for people who are unbelievers to see believers doing life together and realize that God has done something extraordinary in their hearts.
  • A group is the perfect place for people who are unbelievers to hear the Word of God taught and have the opportunity to process it with believers who can answer their questions.
  • A group is the perfect place for believers to learn what God expects of them and be held accountable for doing that thing.
  • A group is the perfect place for an individual or married couple to get wise counsel when making difficult decisions or when struggling relationally.
  • A group is the perfect place for anyone to be accepted as they are, realizing every other group member is on a journey to become more like Jesus.
  • A group is the perfect setting for believers to confess sin to one another (Jas. 5:16), be prayed for, and be reminded of God’s unending grace.
  • A group is the perfect (and maybe the only) place where accountability is welcomed and received without reservation.
  • A group is the perfect place for individuals to find out what their spiritual gifts are and learn to utilize them for the good of the body of Christ.
  • A group is the perfect place for leaders to be recognized, acknowledged, equipped, and empowered.

But there is one answer to the “Why do groups?” question that trumps all others. The simple and most important answer to the “Why do groups?” question is simply this: God told us to in Acts 2:46.

Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together… (Acts 2:46a)

And thus ends the conversation.

Rick Howerton is the South Central Regional Consultant for the Kentucky Baptist Convention. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

5 Practices of Groups Pastors Who Start Groups

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It has been proven that starting a new group is the key to growing a groups ministry, as well as growing a church. “New” is always more exciting and magnetic than “old.” People are drawn to anything new.

The most efficient way to start new groups that are effective is by starting groups that will, in time, start a new group. In group life we often call this “multiplication” or “birthing” a group. In most instances, a pre-existing group sends part of the group off with a trained apprentice to start a new group. And usually, getting a pre-existing group to do this is like trying to pull pre-existing teeth!

How does a groups pastor create an environment where starting a new group is viewed as heroic rather than sacrificial? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Make group multiplication part of the group covenant. By doing this you establish early on that this is a practice that is highly valued and expected.

2. Start each group with a group leader, as well as a group apprentice. The apprentice is a constant reminder that the group will someday multiply. Also, the apprentice, if used wisely, will become more of a second leader than simply a person in training, so when the group multiplies many group members will be honored to leave the group to be led by an effective and established leader.

3. When asking groups to multiply, choose terminology carefully. It would be wise to say that you’re “planting a new mission” rather than stating that you’re “starting a new group.” People understand the importance and adventure of being on mission together. Using this term will make multiplication much more palatable.

4. Establish from the outset that the group will multiply in 18 months. It has been proven that a group that doesn’t multiply in 24 months will most likely never do so.

5. Remind group leaders that great principles never trump the greatest principles. Most groups don’t want to multiply because they are experiencing authentic and intimate relationships with other believers, often for the very first time. This is a great principle. But the greatest principle is to expand the Kingdom of God. And each time a new group is started, more people have the opportunity to join a group, understand the gospel, and be transformed through the power of Christ.

Rick Howerton is the South Central Regional Consultant for the Kentucky Baptist Convention. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Labor Day Fellowship Ideas

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Every holiday is an opportunity—an opportunity to get a group together to play and laugh together. And when groups play and laugh together they are much more apt to communicate openly and honestly during group meetings and care for one another in substantial ways.

This Labor Day, get your group members together just for fun. A few ideas you might consider:

  • Host a cookout.
  • Go hiking.
  • Do an adult scavenger hunt (this can be really fun!).
  • Do an end of the summer day trip to the lake or beach.
  • Attend a sporting event.
  • Go to a Labor Day concert.
  • Go camping (it is a three-day weekend.).
  • Host a bonfire (don’t forget hot dogs and s’mores!)
  • If someone in your group is running a marathon (there are many this weekend), make a day of it with the group. Be there to cheer the runner on at the finish line.
  • Go canoeing or on a white water rafting trip.
  • Meet at an outdoor restaurant for dinner.

What ideas would you add to the list?

Rick Howerton is the South Central Regional Consultant for the Kentucky Baptist Convention. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manualas well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making andCountdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Rick’s Quotes: Practicing Spiritual Disciplines

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“If you want to make mature Christ followers, you must expect more from them than attendance at group gatherings.”

Practicing spiritual disciplines is the key to substantial spiritual growth. Those who read and study the Bible, spend time in heart-driven prayer, memorize passages of Scripture, verbalize the gospel to those far from Christ, and do these things on an ongoing/daily basis experience real spiritual growth. Many group leaders have moved away from expecting anything from group members between meetings, yet those same group leaders believe their group members are going to become mature followers of Christ. The reality is that it’s impossible to become a mature Christian without engaging in these practices.

Rick Howerton is the Small Groups and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Rick’s Quotes: Groups That Won’t Multiply

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“Groups that won’t multiply haven’t asked themselves the right questions.”

Group multiplication is the most difficult aspect of biblical group life. Leaving people you’ve grown to love, saying goodbye to those who have cared for and fought for you, and leaving the nurturing of a group leader who has been your friend and confidant seems an impossible thing to do.

But if we conclude that we are not going to multiply our group, we’re asking ourselves the wrong questions. Too often a group member asks these two questions (consciously or unconsciously):

  1. Should I really have to do this?
  2. Why should I be asked to do something that feels so wrong?

As you can see, these two questions focus on one’s personal wants and wishes. The problem with this mentality is that we’re called to do what’s best for the Kingdom, not what’s best for us.

There are two other questions that each group considering multiplication might want to ask themselves:

  1. What group of twelve in all of Christian history deserved to remain together and never leave one another, moreso than any other? The obvious answer is Jesus’ disciples.
  2. What if they had done just that? The answer: none of us would be followers of Christ with an eternal home in heaven.

I rest my case.

Rick Howerton is the Small Groups and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Rick’s Quotes: Counting the Cost

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“If you want group members to stick, give them a chance to count the cost.”

Being one of Jesus’ disciples wasn’t easy, comfortable, or something for the “I don’t want you to stretch me” types. Jesus had a penchant for asking more from His disciples than they probably believed they could give. Why did they stay in the game? Because they knew what was coming.

Jesus asks His disciples to count the cost before joining His team. The principle of counting the cost is one that should be part of every group conversation, and this conversation should take place either before the first meeting with each group member individually or with the entire group the first week the group gathers.

Rick Howerton is the Small Groups and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Rick’s Quotes: Modeling Behavior

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“People do what they’ve seen done, not what they’ve been told to do.”

Disciple making is the goal of every great group. Many small group leaders become frustrated when they have reminded their group members over and over again to be involved in certain disciplines, and yet nothing comes of their persistence. The problem? Telling people to do something seldom motivates people to do that thing.

Group leader, if you want those in your group to do something, model it for them first, train them to do it, speak of your involvement in that thing and how you’ve grown because of it. THEN expect group members to do what they have seen done, been trained to do, heard about, and been encouraged to do.

Rick Howerton is the Small Groups and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”

Group Leadership

Rick’s Quotes: Leaders Lead

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“Leaders lead.” 

My description of a leader goes like this: “The ability to obtain and retain followers, organizing them, unifying them, and directing them to accomplish a God-given vision.” These are the essential tasks that a small group point person must give his or her time to. When the small group point person becomes too overwhelmed with expectations outside these perimeters, he or she may run an efficient organization but will never accomplish all that God could have done through them.

Rick Howerton is the Small Groups and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. He has authored many small group studies, is a highly sought-after trainer and speaker, and is the author of Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual as well as A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic. He is also the co-author of Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making and Countdown: Launching and Leading Transformational Groups. But Rick’s deepest passion and his goal in life is to see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.”