Bible Study

March 23, 2020

Five Potential Barriers to Discipleship

In this season of social distancing, we must be able to distance ourselves from one another while still advancing the gospel and creating disciples. As if creating disciples was not a tough enough job already! The buzzword in the small groups world used to be “community.” We wanted everyone in our church to be in community together for great reasons. They were less likely to leave the church. They were more likely to serve in the church. They were being cared for by more than just the pastoral staff.

Now the word I hear often is “discipleship.” We have done a pretty good job of gathering people into community; now how do we turn that into making disciples? Great question. Here are five potential barriers to discipleship.

1. It’s really hard.

Helping someone become a fully devoted follower of Christ is not for the faint of heart. There will be times of elated joy and times of extreme frustration. People’s lives are messy, and walking this journey with them gives you a backstage pass to the ugliness.

2. It takes a long time.

Most of us are not very patient—especially when it comes to other people. We want to see immediate results, or we’re on to the next thing. Becoming a disciple of Jesus is a long road that takes time and patience. There is a lot to cultivate and refine. We didn’t get this messed up overnight.

3. It requires relationship.

If Jesus was our example, then we are not meant to take this journey on our own. Disciples are not created in a classroom or on a pew. Iron sharpens iron. The only way to help someone become more like Christ is to be a part of his or her life. All of the good and all of the bad.

4. There’s not a finish line.

By nature, we want to see the job finished. My favorite part of mowing my lawn is when it’s finally done. I can spend a couple of minutes admiring my mowing skills and then move on to the next conquest. That’s not the way it works with spiritual growth. We’re never finished until we’re standing in front of Jesus.

5. It causes growth.

What you may not realize is that when you decide to disciple someone else, you are going to grow as well. Growth is difficult. Growth means change. Every time we take another spiritual step, it requires more from us. It would be much easier to stay right where we are, but the fact is that living things grow.

While the task of discipling another person is daunting, the result of making a disciple who will make disciples is absolutely worth it. And Matthew 28:19 doesn’t actually give us a choice. Jesus left us one job to do—disciple all of the nations. Now let’s go do it.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with over 22 years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Team at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, and was on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC, for 15 years. He also manages SmallGroup.com for LifeWay Christian Resources. Chris’s first book, Small Groups For The Rest Of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, was just released by Thomas Nelson. You can follow his blog at chrissurratt.com or follow him on Twitter @chrissurrat

Church Leadership

March 20, 2020

Free Bible Study Videos for Socially Distanced Groups

By Group Ministry

In response to COVID-19, the church is shifting in key ways in order to show the love of Christ to each other and those in our communities. As a precaution against spreading the virus, many churches and groups are meeting virtually instead of face to face. But gaining access to trustworthy biblical teaching and studies online can be a complicated and cumbersome task. So LifeWay is making several Bible studies available through our streaming platform, Smallgroup by LifeWay.

Free Bible study videos

For a limited time, your group can watch free teaching videos from 12 different Bible studies. The complete list is at the end of this post.

To access these videos on ROKU, APPLE TV, or AMAZON FIRE TV devices, simply search for the Smallgroup by LifeWay application and install it. You’ll find these 12 studies available for free without any login or password.

To access these videos on your Apple or Android device, just download the Smallgroup by LifeWay app from your app store and enjoy. You can even download and watch your videos offline at your convenience.

There are a few ways to use these videos with your group. Each member can watch the video on their own and then discuss the content with your group in an online platform such as Zoom, Google Hangouts, or Facebook Live. Or you can all meet together on one of these platforms, have one person share the video with the group using their laptop or other electronic device, and then discuss as a group. (Check out this article from Chris Surratt on how to host a virtual group meeting.)

Study guides for these videos

If you’d like additional Bible study content for the free videos mentioned above, including Scripture verses and discussion questions, you can start a free trial membership of smallgroup.com. This service will give you access to that Bible study content (as well as hundreds more studies with video), along with the ability to customize each study for your group’s unique needs.

However, a smallgroup.com membership is not required to access the free videos of the 12 studies, which are all available through Smallgroup by LifeWay.

Available videos

Click on a title to learn more about each study. (To access the videos, you will need to go through the streaming services mentioned above.)

All Things New by Kelly Minter

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/all-things-new

Ephesians by Tony Merida

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/ephesians

The Gospel of Mark by Lisa Harper

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/the-gospel-of-mark

Help My Unbelief by Barnabas Piper

https://www.lifeway.com/helpmyunbelief

James by Matt Chandler

https://www.lifeway.com/jamesstudy

Life of a Jesus Follower by Vance Pitman

https://www.lifeway.com/jesusfollower

Nehemiah by Kelly Minter

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/nehemiah-a-heart-that-can-break.html

The Power of God’s Names by Tony Evans

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/the-power-of-gods-names

Praying at the Crossroads by Ken Coley

https://www.lifeway.com/atthecrossroads

Redeemed by Angela Thomas-Pharr

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/redeemed

Stronger by Angela Thomas-Pharr

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/stronger-bible-study-book-P005513458

When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/when-godly-people-do-ungodly-things-bible-study-book-P001205314

Group Leadership

March 17, 2020

Four Ways to Deal With Tricky Questions in Your Group

By Ken Braddy

If you teach a Bible study group long enough, someone is going to ask you a tricky question. It’s just bound to happen. It’s one of the most uncomfortable things that happen to group leaders. I’ve seen two categories of tricky questions in the groups I’ve taught. “Category 1 questions” are what I’m going to call “innocent” tricky questions. They are asked with pure motives, but can be hard for a group leader to answer. The second category of tricky questions is what I’m going to call “malevolent questions.” These tricky questions are not asked with pure motives. In fact, these are asked by group members when they are intentionally trying to stir up something in the group. Here are four ways to deal with each category of questions.

Four ways to deal with tricky, but innocent, questions:

ADMIT – Learn to use three powerful little words: “I don’t know.” It’s OK to admit that you don’t have an immediate response for the person. Use this when you really don’t care to address the question. You’ll earn people’s trust and respect by not simply making up an answer—because everyone knows when we do that.
AFFIRM – Say something to the person who’s asked the question like, “That’s a good question,” or, “You’ve helped me see this in a different way.” You can affirm their question, but you don’t necessarily have to stop to address it. Move on. Keep the lesson on track. Affirm the person by saying, “You’ve given me something to ponder.”
ASK – This is where it gets fun! Turn the tables, as Jesus did (Luke 20) and simply say, “Now that’s an interesting question—how would you answer it?” 9 times out of 10, the person is eager to share their insight. They asked you, but now you’ve asked them.
ACKNOWLEDGE – This is a cousin to the first solution above, Admit. The difference here is that you admit your lack of knowledge and you commit to do further study. You simply acknowledge that you don’t have an answer, but you also promise to do some further study and get back to the person and/or the group.

Four ways to deal with malevolent questions:

If you’ve ever been put on the spot intentionally by someone during a Bible study, don’t despair! This happened to Jesus at various times. In Luke 20 a group of men came to Him to trick Him, and He turned the tables on them. He wouldn’t respond to their question before they responded to a question He decided to throw at them. The result? They dared not ask Him any more questions! I think there is some humor in the Bible, and that’s one of the spots—I would have loved to have been there to see Jesus expertly handle a group of people with a malevolent question!

When you sense that a question has been asked to derail the study or to challenge you, take a deep breath, compose yourself, and choose one or more of the following ways to deal with that malevolent question:

DEFLECT – Deal with that potential barbed question by deflecting it. Say, “If I have time before the Bible study is over, I’ll get to that question. If not, I’ll visit with you after class. Let’s continue our study…” I never get to the person’s question (imagine that!). If I sense that the question was asked to do me or the group some level of harm, I always want to isolate the person and not give him or her a platform in front of the group. I always meet with the person afterwards.
DEFEND – On occasion, when I really do want to bring correction to the person asking the snarky question, I choose to respond. Jesus did this in Matthew 24 when He was asked an intentionally tricky question about which was the greatest command in the law. Sometimes the best course of action is to confront the person and give your response. Defend your position. Use Scripture. Stand your ground—but do it humbly and gently.
DIVIDE – This is a great response that normally puts the person in their place, and causes them not to ask challenging questions anymore. When asked one of those malevolent questions, say: “John has posed a hard question. Let’s divide into groups of 3 or 4 and work quickly to respond based on Scripture. Elect a spokesperson for you group. You have 5 minutes. Go!” What always happens is that the groups of people end up “policing” the person with the malevolent question. They put the questioner in their place using Scripture, and you don’t have to say a word. It also give you, the teacher, time to think about a response while the groups are doing their work.
DIG – Normally when you are asked a malevolent question, there’s a question behind the question. Do a little digging and find out the real issue. Say, “Wow—I didn’t anticipate that kind of question in our study today. Why do you ask that?” Continue probing with an even more pointed question, “Why is it important to you that we answer that right now?” or, “Help me see how that question connects to our study.” Just keep digging and ultimately the person will either back off, or that person will reveal the true reason he or she is putting you on the spot.

Ken manages the Ongoing Adult Bible Studies and Church Trainers at LifeWay. He has been a group leader for 6 years, and has over 20 years of church education ministry experience. He blogs daily about groups at kenbraddy.com.

Church Leadership

March 6, 2020

Sunday School and Small Groups Side-by-Side?

By Ken Braddy

My wife and I recently enjoyed an excursion to a local ice cream parlor. As I
contemplated my many choices, I opted for a chocolate and vanilla swirled cone. I thought it would give me the best of both worlds. I was right. The ice cream was wonderful, rich, and creamy – plus I didn’t have to settle for just one flavor.

Then I realized the swirled cone could represent something else – something that many churches are trying with success: Sunday School groups and small groups “side-by-side.”

The Goal of Groups

Whether you’re in a small group (a group that typically meets off-campus) or a Sunday School group, the goal is the same – to make disciples (Matthew 28:19). Both models for discipleship are valid and effective. You and I may have a preference based on past experiences, but both models can serve a church well in its disciple-making process. Each philosophy has its pros and cons.

Not Mutually Exclusive Ministries

There is no need to see Sunday School and small groups as “either-or” or an “Us VS. Them” ministries. The two can co-exist and work side-by-side in a church’s strategy to reach and disciple people. Sunday School isn’t necessarily better than a small group ministry, and a small group ministry isn’t necessarily better than a Sunday School ministry. Both have strengths and weaknesses, and both can reach people the other one can’t. Sunday School tends to reach people who have a history with the church. Small groups may do a better job reaching those with little or no history with the church.

The big decision you and your church’s leaders must consider is this:

Is it Sunday School and small groups (you expect people to attend both).
Is it Sunday School or small groups (you expect people to pick only one to attend).

Options for time-compressed people

A Sunday School ministry gives busy families a great way to experience Bible study and group life. This ministry is normally adjacent to a church’s worship service on the church calendar, and is very convenient for families with young children or teenagers. Families can experience worship and Bible study in a three-hour window on Sunday mornings. There’s a group for every member of the family. For time-compressed families, Sunday School may be the best option rather than venturing out on a weeknight for Bible study in a home (when you’re battling kids’ homework, sports, and general fatigue).

Small groups can reach a different kind of time-compressed person or family. According statistics, 21-25% of people in our cities cannot attend a Sunday morning worship service or Bible study because they are at work. Small groups provide an alternative for these kinds of time-compressed people who are busy working and serving the people of their communities on Sunday mornings.

Small groups: a good option when you’re out of space

Some churches are out of space to start new Sunday School classes. One option is to launch off-campus groups that require no classroom space on campus. It’s an affordable way to launch new groups and a way to be missional – those off-campus groups can be encouraged to reach new people who live in proximity to the host home.

A Sunday School of small groups?

Perhaps starting off-campus groups isn’t right for your church, but you feel that the church would benefit from the kind of environment often created in home groups. Why not ask your Sunday School teachers to make incremental moves toward becoming a Sunday School of small groups? A few changes and you could have a small group feel in Sunday School:

Place people in circles, not rows.
Create more opportunities for discussion within groups. This often begins with the choices you make regarding curriculum – some are specifically designed to generate conversation (like LifeWay’s Bible Studies For Life series).
Divide groups into smaller ones to create a more intimate environment. Groups should have approximately 12 people, plus or minus 4.

Ken Braddy manages LifeWay’s Ongoing Bible studies, leads his church’s groups ministry, and blogs daily on Sunday School and small groups at kenbraddy.com.

Group Answers Podcast

February 19, 2020

Group Answers Episode 140: Claude V. King on Experiencing God

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Brian and Chris talk to Claude King about the 30th anniversary of the Bible Study, Experiencing God. Claude King serves as Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. After attending school in New Orleans, Claude began work as an editor at the Baptist Sunday School Board in Nashville, Tennessee. He met and began working with Henry Blackaby in 1986. That relationship led to their developing “Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God” which was first released in 1990. In his current job at LifeWay, he speaks, leads workshops and seminars, and consults with pastors and church leaders to help them and their churches obey Jesus Christ’s final command to make disciples of all nations.

Questions asked:

Tell us about the genesis of Experiencing God.
What was it like to work with Henry Blackably?
Were you surprised at how well received the study was, and how it has impacted almost every Bible study written since then?
What kind of stories have you heard about its impact worldwide?
Tell us about your newest resource, Return To Me.

Resourced mentioned:

Experiencing God Bible Study

Return To Me Bible Study

Episode Sponsor:

For more than 25 years, Portable Church® has helped thousands of churches launch strong and thrive in a mobile setting. They design custom solutions that fit each budget, vision, and venue. Everything you need to launch a mobile church — an inviting worship space, kids ministry areas, welcome spaces, storage cases, etc — all in a system refined to make it fast, easy & fun for the weekly volunteer teams.

The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in LifeWay’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at LifeWay and author of Leading Small Groups.

Church Leadership

February 18, 2020

The 3 Hardest People to Disciple

By Ken Braddy

You’re channel surfing late one night and you happen to stop on a channel with a show that is just beginning. A father and son walk side by side with fishing poles slung over their shoulders. The images are in black and white, and the theme song is being whistled by a person off camera. What have you stumbled into? There are pine trees, a dirt path, and what appears to be a father-son fishing trip to the lake. You’ve just found a re-run of one of the most iconic shows in history – The Andy Griffith Show. Full of memorable characters like Opie, Aunt Bee, and of course Barney Fife. The real star of the show, Andy Griffith, had a way of dealing with difficult people. His wit and wisdom allowed him to carefully navigate the most difficult of relationships. Andy knew just how to help people see his point of view, do his will, and create harmonious situations out of chaotic ones. Sheriff Andy always knew how to deal with the hardest kinds of people – the kinds of difficult people most of us would write off. He found ways to help them overcome their shortcomings – all in 30 minute episodes.

If you lead a Bible study group long enough, you’re going to run into some people who are hard to disciple. That doesn’t mean that you write them off, of course. It does mean that you may have to be savvy in how you disciple them, just like the way Andy Griffith was careful in how he dealt with the difficult people he encountered. What kinds of people might you encounter who are going to be harder to disciple? In my experience, there are at least 3 kinds of people that will prove challenging:

The know-it-all disciple. People who are intellectually proud about spiritual matters have an arrogance that is difficult to get past in a discipling relationship. The Apostle Paul was like this before coming to Christ. He was full of knowledge about the Old Testament, proud of his cultural heritage and education, and he was absolutely convinced he was right in his denouncement of Christianity. It was not until his Damascus Road encounter that his self-assuredness was broken and he became dependent upon Christ to teach him the things he’d overlooked in his arrogant, pre-conversion state. If you are in a discipling relationship with a Christian who believes they have all the answers and can unlock the deep mysteries of God, you’re going to have a challenge on your hands. This know-it-all disciple can be hard to bring along the road to maturity, but don’t give up. To help this kind of disciple, you’ll want to challenge their false beliefs and incomplete understandings of spiritual things. The best thing you can do for this person is to show them how much they have to learn; help them see the lifetime it will take to even mature a little toward Christ-likeness. Help them by showing them how you haven’t arrived yet – and how you are still discovering new truths about the Bible daily.
The time-compressed disciple. Just a few years ago, sociologists began using the term “time compressed” to describe people’s lifestyles. This observation demonstrates that more and more people run from one situation to the next, in spite of all the time-saving technologies available to us. The urgent tends to crowd out the significant things in life that should be the center of our time and attention. Growth as a disciple is partially influenced by the time you spend reading the Bible, praying, serving others, and relating to individuals who have a maturity and wisdom you aspire to have. A time-compressed schedule will always work against a disciple becoming fully mature in Christ. When you have this difficult disciple in your group and you seek to help them grow beyond their current circumstances. Call attention to their fast-paced lifestyle and sit with them as they review their calendar, helping them to find margin in their schedule. Lead them to say no to come things in their life that have crowded out “God and me” time. This kind of growing disciple needs accountability – so give it to them!
The spiritually myopic disciple. In my experience, this is the hardest kind of disciple with whom I have to deal with from time to time. While they have a desire to grow in Christ and have begun to practice spiritual disciplines that lead toward maturity, they may not see just how far they have to grow. Although they are Christ’s ambassadors, they don’t fully realize, or care, how their behavior and actions hurt others around them when they fall short of Christ’s standards. A misspoken word, a fit of anger, a course joke, or a seemingly indifferent attitude can set them back lightyears with people they might otherwise influence for Christ. Those people might be a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or an acquaintance. The sad thing is, the disciple with whom you are working may not realize how they accidentally damage their relationship with others and how they make Christ less attractive to those who watch their lifestyle. In the case of the myopic disciple, you have to be blunt. Not blunt force trauma blunt, but blunt. It is far worse to let this disciple go on blindly hurting their opportunities to represent Christ than it is to call their attention to their shortcomings. Yes, there is potential that a discipling relationship might end if they become offended, but the stakes are too serious to let this kind of thing go unchecked.

Yes, Andy Griffith had a way of dealing with difficult people that is admirable. He confronted them when he needed to. He backed off when the timing was right. He ultimately found a way to achieve his goal, and the other person was usually better for it. “Good mornin’ ladies. My goodness, don’t you look happy! Must be cuttin’ somebody up real good” Andy said in an episode about the perils of gossiping. I pray for that kind of boldness and wisdom as I lead a group of growing disciples myself! He could step on people’s shoes and not mess up their shine. That’s what I want to do as I lead others to study the Bible and grow as disciples.

The one thing I’ll always want to remind myself is this: I am most likely someone’s difficult person – so I must be quick to extend grace for I need it as well. As I go through life I must remember the words of the Apostle Paul who mentored and discipled his younger protégé, Timothy when he said, “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness.” (2 Timothy 2:24-25, CSB).

Ken Braddy manages LifeWay’s Ongoing Bible studies, leads his church’s groups ministry, and blogs daily on Sunday School and small groups at kenbraddy.com.

Church Leadership

February 14, 2020

The Signposts of a Growing Disciple – Part 8

By Lynn Pryor

What does a mature disciple of Christ look like? Over the past decade LifeWay Research has delved into this with thousands of pastors and church leaders. Culling through the data, we discovered that strong discipleship ministries and practices could be put in eight categories. We call these eight categories the signposts along the discipleship pathway. One sign of growing disciples is that they seek God.

We can do a lot of things on “auto-pilot.” If you’re like me you can brush your teeth without consciously thinking about the process of brushing your teeth; you can brush while working complex algebra equations in your head. (Well, maybe you can; I can’t) The daily commute to work can become so routine that we can drive the route without ever thinking about it. Other things like chores and office work can also be done in auto-pilot.

One thing we should never do in auto-pilot is our time with God. Whether it’s corporate worship or private Bible reading, we must be focused and intentional to receive anything from it.

In the Transformational Discipleship research, growing disciples strongly disagreed with the idea that worship can be done by simply “going through the motions.” Instead, maturing disciples approach things like congregational worship, prayer, and time alone with God with focus and intentionality. They actively want to seek God, worship Him, and draw closer to Him. A believer seeking God is evident in three ways.

Christlikeness is their goal. A person becomes a disciple of Christ because he intends to follow Him and become like Him. The desire to become like Jesus does not end when we cross over the threshold of faith and gain salvation. Growing disciples continuously seek after God because of their love for Him and commitment to become more like Jesus. We should have a continuous hunger for knowing Christ.
Faith is their guiding principle. Maturing disciples prioritize their faith as the guiding principle for living. The personal commitment to Jesus Christ for salvation remains important throughout their lives.
Honoring God is their desire. In the research, growing believers gave a strong agreement to the statement, “One of the main reasons I live my life the way I do is to please and honor God.” These believers actively praise God for His previous work in their lives, chase after what He wants next for them, and seek to do it in a way that glorifies Him.

Seeking God is the believer’s priority. We seek Him above everything else, and when we do, His work will naturally be done in and through our lives.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you” (Matt. 6:33).

Ways the Church Can Foster Believers Who Seek God.

Promote group prayer. Many churches have moved away from a weekly prayer meeting, but we would do well to resurrect them—with a twist. The twist? Too often these meetings included a Bible study, fifteen minutes of sharing requests, and five minutes of praying. Why not spend the entire time praying? If the group is large, let them pray in smaller groups.

Encourage prayer groups in homes, offices, and coffee shops. Challenge believers to meet with 1-2 others and pray. For those unaccustomed to praying, doing so with others can lead them to develop the discipline of prayer as a way to seek God.

Organize a prayer retreat. Provide a weekend opportunity for believers to get away for a day or two, set aside their phones and electronic devices, and seek God. This can be a tough act for many of us, but a retreat is an opportunity to force ourselves to seek God and go before Him without any distractions.

Evaluate the weekly worship service. What happens on Sunday mornings is almost universally called a worship service, so make sure it is a time of worship that leads us to go deeper with God and step out in service. If you plan the service with a group, plan with a critical eye. Do what will enhance worship—and that it more than just choosing the right songs and adjusting the lighting.

Rearrange the way the service progresses. For example, lead with the sermon and follow with music and singing as a time to reflect on the pastor’s message. Both traditional and contemporary services tend to have a regular flow to them; I’m not suggesting change simply for the sake of change, but when there is a sameness to the flow of the service week after week, it becomes a routine, a rote habit that can be done on auto-pilot.

Lose the printed order of service. Of course, those leading in worship need to have a plan, but why share it with the whole congregation? A printed order lends to the idea that worship is a program. Believers can worship without knowing what’s going to happen next.

We’d love to hear from you. What are some ways your church is helping believers see God?

Lynn Pryor (@lynnpryor) is a team leader in LifeWay’s ongoing adult Bible study department. He also serves as an interim pastor in the Nashville area. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.

Group Answers Podcast

February 12, 2020

Group Answers Episode 139: My New Life Study

By Group Ministry

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 20:24 — 28.2MB) | Embed

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Email | RSS

On this episode of Group Answers, Brian and Chris talk to Tyler Quillet about the new Bible study, My New Life. Tyler is the Discipleship Strategist for the Custom Bible Study team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He previously spent 15 years as a pastor and is passionate about serving churches and pouring into church leaders in a variety of ways.

Questions asked:

What was the genesis of the new study, My New Life?
Why is it important to have a study like this for new believers?
Can this study be done individually?
Walk us through the spiritual journey that this study takes people on.
What kind of tips would you give a group leader or mentor who is leading new believers through this study?
What would you suggest for someone’s next steps after this study?

Session topics:
1. My New Life in Jesus
2. Understanding the Gospel
3. The God Who Made Us
4. Abiding in Jesus
5. The Importance of the Church
6. Joining God on Mission

Resources mentioned:

My New Life Bible Study Book

Episode Sponsor:

Church Leadership

February 6, 2020

The Recipe for a Small Group Disaster

By Group Ministry

by Scarlet Hiltibidal

My house was so tiny and so lacking air conditioning and so full of so many kinds of bugs. And my hair was so bright red. And my necklaces were so cheap they turned my neck green. I was 22. I had plenty to learn and needed much maturity, but I really wanted to love Jesus. So, while I lived life with the hair dye and the bugs, once a week, I crammed 15-20 high school girls into my stuffy little living room to talk about Jesus.

A lot of great moments happened in that little warm room. And a lot of foolish ones, too. A stand-out, “seriously—I can’t believe that just happened” memory for me was when this group I co-led got into a full-blown fight, complete with semi-shouting and soft-glaring and possibly the passive questioning of people’s salvation.

I’m not even kidding you right now. We were really riled, and I can still picture the faces of the younger, impressionable girls in the room as they whipped their heads back and forth while I, in a full Pharisaical moment, bellowed, “If speeding is against the law, doing it is wrong! And if you know you’re doing something wrong and you don’t change, you’re in sin!”

Yep. Thank you, ladies and gentleman! This small group meltdown peaked with me passionately preaching condemnation on all the speeders in my life.

It was a disaster.

I’ve learned a lot from the mistakes I made while leading that group, and hopefully, God’s grace overcame my foolishness and reached the hearts of those young girls. But, if you’re a first-time disciple-maker, or if you’re just a young group leader, here are three ways you can avoid setting yourself up for small group disaster.

1. Don’t Co-lead with Someone When You’re Lacking Unity

This is something I could have easily avoided. You’ll probably never find another human that you agree with about every little thing 100% of the time. But, if you’re co-leading a small group, which is always wise if you want to be ready to multiply, you need to be pretty unified. Since you will differ on some things, even biblical interpretations, it’s so important to pow-wow about issues privately BEFORE they arise publicly.

If you know that your group is supposed to talk about something divisive like speaking in tongues or how the Bible speaks about politics, or, you know, how many miles over the speed limit constitutes unpardonable sinning, make sure you and your co-leader are on the same page before your group meets.

If you don’t agree, hash it all out in private, or just agree to facilitate that question for the group members without weighing in in a divisive way.

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” —Ephesians 4:3 (NIV)

2. Don’t Meet Without a Study Plan

Many groups these days don’t have a content plan with a curriculum designed to help disciples grow. Studying the Bible by itself is awesome, but if you get a group together without any plan to facilitate a discussion, you’re setting yourself up for unexpected detours that could lead to unhealthy conflict.

I’m pretty sure the high school group I led was going through a book together. Going through books is wonderful too, but if you’re reading Scripture, or reading an author, and then setting up a discussion with the can-of-worms phrase, “Tell me what you think about…,” your conversation is very likely to take turns into places you are unprepared to handle or places that lead to little spiritual growth.

Have nothing to do with pointless and silly myths. Rather, train yourself in godliness.” —1 Timothy 4:7 (CSB)

Be ready to train. If you don’t have a plan, you could have a problem.

3. Establish a Culture of Grace

Any group of believers should go into their small group ready to talk in a gracious way. Groups that don’t lay the groundwork of grace are bound to go sour.

If Co-Leader and I had started from the beginning of the group saying things such as, “We share the same spirit…we speak the truth in love…we fill in the gaps with trust…,” the tone of conflict could have been vastly different. We could have disagreed in a more respectful way. We could have sought to understand instead of overstate.

If those girls and I were in a room together today, having that same discussion, we might have the same differing opinions we had then, but I hope I would communicate my thoughts in a way that displayed the grace of Jesus.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” —Ephesians 4:32 (CSB)

Scarlet Hiltibidal is a writer living in Nashville, Tennessee. Scarlet has a degree in biblical counseling and worked as a Christian schoolteacher before she started writing. She has written for and managed several online publications. Currently, she does freelance writing for various Christian publishers and produces small group curriculum for children. Scarlet is wife to Brandon, who is part of the Groups Ministry Team at LifeWay, and Mommy to her daughters, Ever Grace, Brooklyn Hope, and Sawyer Joy. Visit her blog at scarlethiltibidal.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram @ScarletEH.

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