Group Dynamics

November 9, 2020

Ten Ways to Welcome Seekers into Your Group

By Reid Smith

The best groups are high in health and impact for God’s Kingdom. For both to be true, a small group leader must be prepared to welcome people into their group’s life regardless of where they are at in their commitment to Christ and His Church. We reflect the beauty and greatness of our God when we accept one another just as Christ accepted us (Romans 15:7).

The more small group leaders know how to welcome and encourage people who are seeking truth and reaching out to God (whether they realize it or not) the more effective they will be with engaging them with the gospel in transformational ways. To that end, here’s ten recommendations for how you can welcome spiritual seekers, build relationships with them, and inspire everyone to grow in their relationship with Jesus!

Don’t assume. Consider newcomers as seekers until you learn otherwise. Believers who are new to a Christian gathering tend to convey something about their faith/church commitment up front. If they do not, chances are they either do not have a relationship with God or may not have a strong one. It’s important to avoid making assumptions about what your guests believe. Rather, look for ways to affirm the truth God has already started to impart to them as Paul did in Athens (Acts 17:22-23, 28-29).
Be a connector. Warmly introduce seekers into your small group and connect them with a few people as they come in, helping them to strike up conversations before your study begins. If possible, learn a little about them before they show up to their first meeting as this will help you to introduce them to others in a more personal way. Do your best to remember facts they share about who they are, their family and friends, and how they found your group. Use what you know about them to ignite conversations with other group members. The likelihood of seekers returning increases by at least 50% if they experience a sense of belonging through connection with others.
Empower them. Find out what subjects your truth-seeking guests have an enthusiasm or expertise in and talk about that! People like to talk about things they know about. Seekers will feel more empowered and comfortable talking about things of interest to them. If you listen with interest, you will show that you are interested in them as people and they won’t feel like a project.
Introduce your group. Take a minute on the front end to say what your small group is about and invite input from others so that guests can get exposure to some of the other personalities present. In a small group situation, most people prefer to get a good feel of the dynamic before jumping into the discussion. The more free people feel to participate, the more likely it is they will return.
Include and affirm. Prioritize seekers in your small group time by making it a goal to help them feel safe and a valued part of the gathering. Look for ways to include them socially and affirm any contribution they make to the conversation. One of the simplest ways of helping a newcomer feel ‘at home’ in your small group is to repeatedly call them by their first name. Express appreciation for their input. When seekers say something that does not harmonize with Scripture, don’t be surprised or correct them. Rather, be positive and say something like, “Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!” Discipleship happens through trust-filled relationships that develop over time.
Break it down. Use relational terms to explain theological concepts in your Bible study. For example, salvation is having a relationship with Christ or being friends with God now and forever. Redemption is Jesus helping us to connect with God and know Him. Do your best to stay away from Christian jargon.
Don’t over-accommodate. Most newcomers like to be acknowledged but may not like to stand out or be spotlighted in front of a group…so don’t focus on them. If you keep things normal, your small group will feel more natural and comfortable to them. You can be sensitive to your small group’s form without changing its function. Be yourself and allow the group to be itself. Don’t hesitate to pray or worship in your group if seekers are present. Sometimes this is exactly what God uses to gather lost people to Himself (see Acts 2:46-47.) If somebody needs prayer, pray for them. If you are planning to worship, just do it. Don’t attempt to explain it for seekers. They likely want to see things how they really are and would rather not have you disrupt the flow of what you do on their account.
Talk about being difference makers. Healthy groups have regular conversations about how they can be Jesus’ hands and feet and impact our world with His love and message. Don’t miss the opportunity to demonstrate to seekers in your midst that you genuinely want to show God’s love to people and make a difference in your community. Have that conversation spontaneously or just say you would like to talk about it next time. This allows you to revisit your group’s commitment to evangelism and shows spiritual seekers that your group is…
- Outward-thinking and it’s not all about those in your small group—this actually helps guests feel safer because it makes the communal nature of your group feel less cultic and more caring.
- Serious about making a commitment to share God’s love and grace to a waiting world. People want their lives to make a positive impact on others. This helps them to see that your small group can help toward this goal, making group time a worthwhile investment of their time.
Have a soft landing and end on a high note. When you have truth-seeking guests, leave plenty of time for people to socialize at the tail end of your group. Newcomers tend to be interested in being more personal toward the end of a group than the beginning. This will give time to connect your small group members to guests further and have fun and relaxed conversations. Also, studies show that when something ends positively the entire experience becomes a good memory for people, and one they are more apt to repeat. In private, let newcomers know how much you appreciated them coming and that you really hope you get to see them again!
Don’t hesitate to follow-up. Let your guests know you hope to see them again! If a seeker came with somebody, encourage their friend to welcome them back. Sometimes small group leaders hold off from following up in this way because they are afraid of being intrusive or coming across as pushy. Most guests appreciate this act of kindness and it makes your small group more inviting overall. If you do not risk the remote possibility of coming across as intrusive in your follow-up, newcomers may feel like they are intruding. Revisit prayer needs when you follow-up with them by naturally weaving them into your conversation. This shows you were listening and that you care.

You want group members to have more than permission to invite their friends…let them know you WANT them to invite their friends. This attitude is one of the greatest contributing factors to a small group making an evangelistic impact. Small groups can and should always serve to encourage personal outreach.

A small group that has an open home, open hearts, and open hands is a group that is replete with life-giving possibilities. By following the ten recommendations above, you will create an environment where the hospitality of biblical community will receive and reach many spiritual seekers for Jesus Christ!

Reid Smith has been equipping leaders in churches of all sizes and stages of growth for effective disciple-making since 1996. He lives in Wellington, Florida where he serves as a Groups Pastor at Christ Fellowship. You can find more of his helpful resources at www.reidsmith.org.

Group Leadership

November 5, 2020

Three Guidelines for Talking About the Election in Your Group

By Group Ministry

By Will Johnston

I once convinced someone to switch to my political party by berating their beliefs and saying that they must be stupid if they didn’t come around to my way of thinking.

Find that hard to believe?

Me too. It didn’t happen. I’ve actually never seen that strategy work, although that doesn’t seem to stop people from trying it out.

There’s a good chance that your small group members don’t all agree on politics. Even if you think they do, they might not actually. I’ve got friends who are tight-lipped about their politics because they live in an area where their livelihoods would be impacted if they were too open.

Things are crazy right now. We’re all a little unsettled. We’re not sure what direction our country is going or how this election season is going to play out.

You’ve probably heard the old adage to avoid discussing religion and politics in polite company, but small group isn’t polite company. At it’s best, it’s the people we can be the most real with, and politics has a real impact on our lives. It matters, and if it matters, then it’s fair game for groups.

That doesn’t mean every group needs to discuss politics, but you should be ready in case it comes up. Here are three simple guidelines to keep your group discussion from going the way of the comments on nearly every Facebook post about politics.

Focus on “I” rather than “you” or “they.”

Keep the conversation focused on who each person supports, why they support them, and even why they don’t support the other person. For example:

“I supported Donald Trump because I think he has the best plan for XYZ.”
“I voted for Joe Biden because I believe he better reflects ABC.”
“My concern about Trump/Biden is that he DEF, and I think that reveals some character issues.”
“I understand why you would vote for Trump/Biden because of his position on HIJ, but I think XYZ is a higher priority, so that’s why I voted for Biden/Trump.

What we want to avoid are statements that disparage the other person or their positions and shut down discussion. For example:

“I just don’t see how a Christian could support Donald Trump/Joe Biden. He’s for XYZ!”
“All Christians should support Donald Trump/Joe Biden because ABC!”
“Democrats/Republicans are for DEF, and that’s just plain ungodly.”
“Jesus cares about HIJ, so Christians should support Democrats/Republicans.”

Do you see the difference there? The first set of statements expresses what I think and why I think it. The second set of statements tells everyone else that they have to agree with me.

Jesus called us to unity, not to a political party.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be Republicans, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

I love those words from Jesus, praying that we would all be Republicans so that the world may believe. Or wait… was it Democrats? Did Jesus pray we would be Democrats?

Look, I think politics is important. I used to work on Capitol Hill. I truly believe that it matters. But ultimately, Jesus called me to follow Him, and he called me to unity with other followers, even the ones I disagree with politically.

At the end of the day, the world will see there’s something different about us when we can love people with whom we disagree because of the love of Jesus.

Pray.

I probably should have started with “pray,” but the truth is we may not be able to open every discussion on politics that happens in our group with prayer. Regardless, we can pray for our group’s unity ahead of time, just like Jesus prayed for the Church’s unity.

And when a political conversation starts up in our groups, we can pray silently that the words of our group members would be infused with love. We can pray that those nervous to share their thoughts would have the courage to do so, and that those who are outspoken would have the love and humility required to listen.

And sometimes, if a political discussion looks like it might heat up too much, you just might need to stop everyone, pray, and lay out some ground rules for the discussion. Feel free to use points one and two above.

Will Johnston is the Director of Build Community at Eastside Community Church in Anaheim, California. Will graduated from Wheaton College with a degree in theology, did a two-and-a-half year stint on Capitol Hill, and then joined the staff of National Community Church in Washington D.C., where he oversaw small groups.

Group Answers Podcast

November 4, 2020

Group Leadership

November 2, 2020

Avoiding Pitfalls in Group Dynamics

By Group Ministry

By Reid Smith

Community is messy business! Having differences in a small group, acknowledging disappointments and hurt feelings, and running up against frustrations and challenges are all part of moving to deeper maturity in community and Christlikeness. In fact, conflict can be the very thing that helps your group to break through to new levels of honesty and freedom in Christ.

When you trace Christ’s interactions with the Pharisees, His reaction at the Temple with the money changers, and some exchanges with the disciples, it becomes clear that Jesus did not avoid conflict. The New Testament does not gloss over the reality of conflict in community. However, God’s Word makes a difference between constructive conflict and pitfalls like senseless quarreling (Prov 20:3; Rom 14:19; Eph 4:25-32; 2 Tim 2:23-24).

There will be a mixture of personalities and gifts that will surface in your small group. Sometimes the dynamic that is created will function as a conduit of God’s healing love and peace. Other times, people will feel friction as fellow believers challenge them to turn from complacency and sin and move toward complete commitment to Jesus Christ. Both of these scenarios are great, and we should pray for them to occur. However, there will be times when conflict and confusion arise because of ignorance, insensitivity, or quarreling over petty issues, etc.

Let’s take a look at some of the more common pitfalls and how to avoid them so that your small group can be a safe place where grace reigns and authentic biblical community can grow.

Don’t Tolerate Bickering Over Trivial Issues

Don’t allow abstract theological arguments to ensue over technical points of doctrine or trivial matters (1 Tim 1:3-7, 6:3-5; 2 Tim 2:23; Titus 3:9). This doesn’t help to build a healthy small group dynamic and it’s a turnoff to those just getting started in their relationship with God. You can ask those who tend to enjoy this to debate outside of your regular group time. Intellectualism is a good thing and can enrich your small group. However, unless it is coupled with “why” and “how” application questions, it is not beneficial in a mixed group dynamic. Promote safety and err toward discussion over debate. Maintain the highest level of awareness toward those with the lowest level of biblical literacy.

Beware the “Introversion and Argumentation Correlation”

Petty conflict frequently signals that your small group has turned in on itself. For example, if your group is more concerned with the signs and times of the end of the world then with bringing in the harvest before Jesus returns, there’s a good chance your group has gotten off track. At times you will need to dredge the bottom of your small group’s stream so it can flow again by turning the focus of people away from themselves. The best way to do this is to engage in outreach together.

What if someone begins promoting false theology?

There is a difference between someone saying something that happens to be erroneous (most of the times this is the case) and someone who is actually promoting false theology. If a person is doing the latter, address it head-on (1 Tim 1:18-19; 2 Tim 3:16-17; Titus 1:9, 2:1; Jude 1:3-4). The Bible is the Word of God (Gal 1:11-12; 2 Tim 3:14-17; 2 Pet 1:20-21, 3:15-16). For this reason, the Scriptures need to be the standard of truth in all of your small group discussions. It’s important you show love and grace in how you do this. Here are some pointers for dealing with biblical misinterpretations or false theology that’s shared aloud in your small group:

Ask the person to clarify what they’re really saying—you might even restate it for them: “Are you saying that….am I hearing you correctly?”
Ask them to show you scriptural support for what they’re saying. Oftentimes, this will bring a halt to it. If they try to justify their position, invite your co-leader or other trusted group members into the conversation by asking them, “What do you think about this?”
Gently but firmly express the truth and if possible support what you share with a biblical reference and bring closure to the matter—don’t let the individual’s misunderstanding derail the whole meeting. If they are in fact promoting something other than the truth—connect with them privately outside of your group time and be direct in asking them not to do it again. If they’re contentious, contact your coach for support.

Encourage “I” Statements vs. “You” Statements

When restating what a person is saying or when handling conflict, begin by saying, “What I hear you saying is…” or “What I think you are saying is…” Then ask them if you’re accurate. This encourages understanding instead of frustration which can result when someone uses “You” statements (e.g. “You said…” or “You always make me feel…”) “I” statements communicate that what you are hearing the person say is your perception of what has been spoken, not necessarily what has been said (or what the person intended to say). This will help the person who is speaking to know they’ve been understood or misunderstood while fostering a sense of acceptance. Restating the speaker’s comments with “I” statements shows that you are genuinely trying to understand what the person is saying without judgment or accusation. “I” statements also help to express more personal feelings about what the other shared.

What if the group continues to get off topic?

Multi-person discussions naturally meander. Don’t be too rigid. Try to keep the balance between keeping a focus and giving the focus some wiggle room. By way of analogy: a sailor doesn’t hold on tightly to the rope locking the sail in a single position. This actually gets the boat to the destination slower than if one held on loosely to the rope letting the sail fully catch the shifting winds. Every small group has its own pace and rhythm based on its unique chemistry—discern your group’s chemical make-up and steer the study and discussion accordingly. These pointers might help with a group which seems to continually get off topic:

Preview your small group’s upcoming study material and assume you’ll only be able to cover HALF of the questions presented. Ask yourself: “Which half of these questions will work best for my group?” This “cleans up” the dynamic of your small group’s study and discussion time, bringing more focus onto the topic.
Outline what you want to do from the outset of your time together. Avoid sharing as if it’s an agenda. Set a goal for your small group. For example, “In this meeting, let’s explore…” or “What I hope you’ll walk away with by the end of our meeting is…”
Discern a pattern. Does your small group tend to get off topic at generally the same time of each meeting? Does something trigger your getting off topic (maybe it’s an individual, how questions are phrased, or maybe it’s the study itself!)?
Ask the group if they’re happy with the study you’re doing. When a group continually gets off topic it might be a signal it’s time to abandon the particular study you’re doing. That’s okay to do! People might just be bored or disinterested with it. Dialogue together about this. Check in from time to time with your small group and ask them if the study you’re working through is working for them.
Try to link “wandering talk” back to the topic at hand. Look for opportunities to jump in, graciously segue, and take hold of the steering wheel again. You don’t have to bring an abrupt halt to aimless chatter—look for the right moment when you can gracefully harness it and relate it to your small group’s study focus.
Invite your coach to attend a meeting. They have a different vantage point than you and may see something you don’t that provides insight.
Ask other trusted small group members to help the study stay on track.

Avoid pitfalls, not conflict itself. Conflict avoidance has a paradoxical way of decimating relationships and destabilizing the development of biblical community. Rather, keep the main things the main things in your small group’s spiritual conversations. Encourage personal maturity and the missional application of God’s truth. Listen to the unique undertones of your small group dynamic, seek first to understand, and be flexible with how your journey together plays out. The same One who began a good work in you and will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus will do the same for your small group (Php 1:6).

Group Leadership

October 19, 2020

10 Ways to be a Great Small Group Member

By Chris Surratt

If you do a quick Google search on “How to be a Great Small Group Leader,” you will find a treasure trove of articles—several of them written by me. But what about being a great small group member? After all, it’s hard to feel like a successful leader without faithful followers.

Leading a group is not easy. I have personally led a group for over 20 years, and there are countless Tuesday nights when I have felt like a complete failure.

Several people were late to the group or just didn’t show up. The discussion felt like it didn’t go anywhere. Prayer time turned into gossip hour, and the list goes on.

I can always work to be a better leader, but there are also many ways a group member can help the leader and the rest of the group have a better experience. Here are 10 of them.

1. BE ON TIME (BUT NOT TOO EARLY).

It can be really frustrating when group members are consistently late to the meetings. Especially if they are responsible for bringing food, or if the discussion flow is interrupted by their late arrival.

On the other hand, it’s also hard on the leaders and group hosts if members arrive too early. There are always last-minute preparations taking place for the meeting or a needed few moments of rest before everyone shows up.

Being on time, but not too early, helps start the meeting in the right direction.

2. LOOK ENGAGED IN THE DISCUSSION.

Speaking in front of a group is one of the most intimidating things in life for a lot of people. It’s especially difficult if the people in the room seem disengaged in the discussion. When I am leading a group, I always look for the people looking back for encouragement.

One of the best ways you can help your group leader out is to be fully present in the moment. Don’t constantly check your phone for the latest scores or stare out a window the whole time. Occasionally give visual cues, like a nod of the head, that you are fully engaged in the conversation.

3. BE THE FIRST TO ANSWER A QUESTION (BUT NOT EVERY TIME).

A big part of being engaged in the meeting is answering questions during the Bible study. When the leader tosses out a question, the silence that follows can be super uncomfortable. It’s always a relief when someone steps in to answer the question or offer an opinion. That answer may also be the catalyst that gets more people talking.

However, it’s important to not be the first person to answer every question so that more people have the opportunity to jump in with their thoughts. An over-talker will dissuade a lot of people from answering.

4. BE THE FIRST TO OFFER TO READ SCRIPTURE.

Just like it’s awkward when no one answers a question right away, it’s the same when no one volunteers to read the Scripture passage. Most of us have the Bible on our phones now, so be that person who volunteers quickly. Treat it like a “sword drill” in Sunday School—fastest one to the passage wins a prize!

5. HELP HEAD OFF RABBIT TRAILS AND GOSSIP.

Some rabbit trails are inevitable in a discussion. The trick is getting it back on topic before the whole meeting is off the rails. Instead of waiting for the group leader to have to step in and bring everyone back, offer a helpful comment that gets the discussion back in the right direction.

The prayer time can also easily slip into gossip if we’re not careful. Help the group leader out by not going there yourself, and also help others see when it’s starting to take place. The leader hates always having to be the “bad guy” in those situations.

6. OFFER TO ORGANIZE THE NEXT GROUP OUTING.

Planning and preparing for normal group meetings is a big job in and of itself. There’s prepping for the Bible study, making sure everyone has the details for the meeting, cleaning the house, preparing food options, and many other varied details that help make it a great experience for group members.

One way to take some of the load off of the leader is by offering to organize a fun outing or a mission opportunity for the group to participate in. This can be a monthly or quarterly event. The leader will appreciate the initiative, and the group will be better for it.

7. OCCASIONALLY HOST THE GROUP MEETING.

Now that we understand how much work it is to host a group every week, it would be a big relief for someone to offer to take that responsibility occasionally. It’s also nice for the group to meet in a different environment. A new location can lead to a different perspective.

8. GO HOME ON TIME.

As a group leader, it’s always great to see the group engaged in discussions before and after the official meeting time. A lot of the time, the life-changing conversations happen outside of the group meeting. However, there has to be respect for the host’s personal time. The conversation may need to continue at a local coffee shop so the host family can go to bed.

9. PRAY FOR YOUR GROUP LEADER(S).

Stepping up to lead a group is no small task. Group leaders are asked to spiritually shepherd the people in their care. This responsibility comes with a lot of weight. Satan loves to attack those who are helping pull people out of darkness and into the light.

Group leaders also have the same struggles and stress that we all do. Consistent prayer is not only appreciated, but much needed. Remember that they are also praying for you.

10. OFFER TO START A NEW GROUP.

The only way we are going to fulfill Jesus’ Great Commission of making disciples is by starting new groups for new people. I know how hard it can be to step out of a successful group for something new, but the time is short, and the harvest is plentiful. We need new disciple makers to carry on the work that Jesus started.

Every small group needs great leaders and great members. Together, we can change the world with the message of the gospel through biblical community!

This article first appeared at lifewayvoices.com.

CHRIS SURRATT (@ChrisSurratt) is the discipleship and small groups specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources, a ministry consultant and coach with more than 20 years of experience, and the author of Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply Your Small Group.

Group Leadership

October 15, 2020

Sharing News With Your Group

By Group Ministry

by Jared Musgrove

Recent events have tuned the eyes and ears of Americans toward news sources in ways we have not seen for quite some time. As ceaseless reports of disease outbreak, brutal violence, and political fights plaster our screens, believers must be mindful of how we receive our news and what we choose to do with it.

How Do You Get Your News?

As a journalism student, I was told repeatedly that there is no such thing as objective reporting—an accurate assessment. Every person approaches events from a certain perspective—an existing worldview or set of assumptions that shape how they perceive and share those events. A reporter’s approach is no different. Because this is true, Christians must practice discernment when filtering through news updates.

Ask yourself: Am I reading that something happened (an event) or what someone thinks about something that happened (a commentary)? Most of the news we receive today is a mixture of both, if not heavier on the commentary side, with the expectation that you take a side. This kind of reporting often buries whatever truth it contains in conjecture and opinion.

Just as very human reporters craft news stories, very human editors make value judgments about which stories to feature and promote. The decision of what goes on the front page and what leads the evening newscast is a worldview decision.

Understand this when you consume news reports and ask yourself:

Why is this story the lead or on repeat?

Is this report concerned with facts?

Is there good research that solidly supports this report?

Am I being shown what is happening or being told what to think about it?

A journalist’s job is to ask questions, but that’s also our job as thinking Christians reading, hearing, or watching a report. Ask questions of the report, the reporter, yourself, your neighbor, and your worldview, and then make a decision about what to do.

What Do You Do With Your News?

Christians hear news reports through the filter of an objective standard of truth. Having answered the biggest question of all, “Whose world is it anyway?” we’re able to apply the lesser questions that sift fact from commentary—all with an eye toward discerning truth, or at least wisdom and kindness—as we navigate information.

While the bottom line for Christians is truth, the bottom line for networks and newspapers may not be. Journalism is a business, meaning the dollar is often a media corporation’s bottom line. This reality heavily influences reporting. Chasing scandals and political gaffes buffers the bottom line, sometimes at the cost of the truth. So, what should we do to ensure we’re well-informed?

Keep digging.

Steer clear of entertainment news traps and go to the sources most likely to bring you the bottom line of truth. These may feel few and far between and they probably aren’t trending on your Facebook feed. Begin to identify trusted sources by humbly engaging in several. Consult news sources across the liberal-conservative spectrum to better understand how stories are being shaped. How is one network, newspaper, podcast, or magazine reporting this story differently than another? Before reflexively sharing with others something that looks and sounds like a news story, check its source. If the source or the article itself is sensational, treat it with healthy suspicion.

We must also bear in love with compassion (and patience) those in our groups who may be sharing or posting news or “news.” Lead out in asking open-ended questions: What have you heard? What do you know? Where have you found good information on this? How does this align with what the Bible teaches? How will we honor the ‘one another’ commands as we discuss this piece of news?

Even more, we must pray as events scroll across the screen. Develop this discipline. Let your news intake lead you out of yourself and toward prayer, and then act as you are able. Let the news be a catalyst to get you involved in all that God is doing in this world that belongs—without hype, sensationalism, or slant—to Him.

Dr. Jared Steven Musgrove is Groups Pastor at The Village Church in Flower Mound, TX and co-founder and Executive Director of communityleadership.org. He is married to Jenny and father to Jordan and Joshua.

Group Answers Podcast

October 7, 2020

Group Answers Episode 173: How to be a Great Small Group Member

By Group Ministry

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 30:48 — 42.5MB) | Embed

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On this episode of Group Answers, Chris and Brian discuss 10 ways to be a great small group member.

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10 Ways to be a Great Small Group Member

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The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in LifeWay’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at LifeWay and author of Leading Small Groups.

Group Leadership

October 5, 2020

9 DIFFICULT—AND BEAUTIFUL—TRUTHS ABOUT LEADING A GROUP

By Group Ministry

By Taylor Combs

If you’ve been a part of a local church in the last generation, chances are you’ve been involved in some sort of small group ministry. Or at least you’ve been invited (several times) to be a part of a group, or to even lead one.

While small groups/community groups/home groups/life groups/missional communities (or whatever your church calls them) aren’t essential to the Christian life, they usually prove to be a fantastic vehicle for community and mutual discipleship.

I’ve been involved in groups for years, and for the last six years have had the privilege of leading basically the same group (although it has evolved and shuffled and moved around through the years).

After having our first child and moving into a busy season professionally, we’ve decided to step away, which has brought an opportunity for reflection. The Lord has taught me much during these years of leading.

At times it has been fun and easy, at times awkward, at times painful and difficult. But through it all, God has taught me invaluable lessons about ministry.

So, here are nine things I learned from six years of leading a community group.

1. SUSTAINED TIME IN THE WORD WITH OTHER BELIEVERS IS UNBEATABLE.

In our six years, we’ve worked together through 1 Peter, 2 Peter, Daniel, 1 Thessalonians, Romans, Matthew, and Zechariah.

Yes, it took six years to get through seven books of the Bible. Is that a slow pace? Absolutely. But sanctification moves at a slow place. And to get anywhere close to a thorough understanding of a passage of Scripture takes time.

Evangelicals are, historically, people of the Word. But most of our study of Scripture is done individually. But for some reason when we come together in groups, we think our time needs to be topic-focused or driven by a shared life-stage.

I’ve found that nothing replaces this slow, plodding, methodical progression through books of the Bible with other saints—young and old, men and women, mature and new believers alike.

2. EVERY GROUP GATHERS AROUND SOMETHING; WE MAY AS WELL MAKE IT SCRIPTURE.

As I alluded to above, most of our groups seem to gather around a shared life-stage or some topic of interest. Or, conversely, they gather around meals or prayer.

None of these things are bad in themselves, but are they best? The apostle Peter, in one of his better moments, noted that Jesus alone had “the words of life.” In Scripture, we have these words of life, our daily spiritual bread.

Let’s gather around them and feast together on every word that comes from the mouth of the Father.

3. COMMUNITY IS ESSENTIAL TO DISCIPLESHIP.

In most of today’s churches, joining or leading a small group is the best way to get community. Is it convenient? Not always. Is it awkward? Sometimes. Will it require something from you? Absolutely.

But it’s not good for us to walk alone; indeed, we cannot. You need the people in your church, and the people in your church need you.

This community has sustained me through good times and bad, and I hope, through it, I’ve helped sustain others.

4. YOU’LL GET PUSHBACK ON YOUR LEADERSHIP STYLE.

You cannot please everyone. The first three years of leading, I constantly made adjustments—asking more general questions to broaden the potential answers, then asking more specific answers for the sake of clarity.

Later, I asked higher-shelf questions to encourage hard thinking and vulnerability, then asked lower-shelf questions to create an open and welcoming environment.

Then I tried more teaching and talking with fewer questions, then more questions with less teaching and talking.

Perhaps this is why the first direct pushback I got about my leadership style hurt me so much—because that person had no idea how hard I tried to improve the environment and my own leading for years before she was even a part of the group!

My pastor gave me great counsel about this: “Maybe that person just needs to be in a different group where she meshes more with the leadership style.” I then suggested this group member join another group, and she did.

Everyone survived.

5. YOU MUST COMMIT TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE WORKS (BUT BE OPEN TO FEEDBACK).

There’s a difference in humble leadership and non-leadership.

Humble leadership listens to feedback; non-leadership is held captive to the opinions of others and is too scared to make a choice.

Related to the last lesson I mentioned, you have to remind yourself: I am, under God, the leader of this group. My pastors and church have entrusted me with this task. The Holy Spirit is empowering me for this task.

And, if you lose some people along the way, that’s okay; you’ve been humble, courageous, and faithful.

6. GOD WILL SANCTIFY YOU WHEN YOU FEEL UNDER-APPRECIATED.

My pastors and church staff do a wonderful job thanking and celebrating those who serve in the various ministries of our church.

But, until the night I announced I was no longer leading our group, I never once, in six years, was thanked for leading.

Now, it’s embarrassing to even type that—because it means I know it, which means I’ve been looking for applause.

And I’d be terrified if I learned anybody in my group read this! My pride and sin are exposed by admitting it.

But I’m not alone. We all minister with mixed motives, and part of my motives have always been to be applauded and thanked. God, in His mercy, used this lack of expressed gratitude to sanctify me over these past six years.

If you minister for the applause or the gratitude, ministry will eventually become your god, and it’ll kill you.

7. CONFLICT MAY COME, BUT IT WILL SHAPE YOU FOR THE BETTER.

The hardest season of ministry I’ve ever experienced came with the best of intentions.

In seeking to serve a close friend and member of our group, I jeopardized the friendship. A yearlong conflict, which never fully resolved, ensued.

The couple involved stopped attending our group, then left without telling us. It was gutting. But when you lead people for any amount of time, conflict is inevitable.

Again, be humble. Be willing to learn from mistakes and apologize if necessary.

Take the potentialities into consideration before acting. But eventually, with a humble, Spirit-filled confidence, do what you think is best.

Walk forward with courage; Jesus is with you.

8. LEADING WITH SOMEONE DIFFERENT FROM YOU WILL SHARPEN YOU.

This is perhaps the best way to mitigate some of your less popular leadership tendencies.

I’m a good teacher, but not the best conversation facilitator; my co-leader hasn’t been to seminary or been trained to teach the Bible, but he’s a fantastic conversation facilitator and studies and leads through the text faithfully.

I’m a bit more serious; he’s a bit more lighthearted. I’m infamously incapable of asking a decent icebreaker; he does a great job opening our time together.

Over the years that we’ve led together, we’ve balanced each other out wonderfully, which has been a grace of God.

Our group probably couldn’t have weathered two of me as their leaders!

9. FRIENDSHIP AND MUTUAL DISCIPLESHIP ARE WORTH THE HARD PARTS.

You may have read some of these lessons I’ve learned and think, I’m not sure group ministry—let alone leadership—is right for me. It sounds hard!

And you’d be right.

But group ministry is essential for friendship and mutual discipleship in local churches, and for group ministries to happen, someone has to lead the groups—a calling and a privilege that’s absolutely worth it.

This article appeared originally at Facts&Trends.net

TAYLOR COMBS (@combstaylor_) is an associate publisher for B&H Publishing and is active in the teaching ministry at Grace Community Church in Brentwood, Tennessee. He holds a master of divinity degree from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and is currently a Ph.D. student at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Group Answers Podcast

September 30, 2020

Group Answers Episode 172: Leading Small Groups that Thrive

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Brian and Chris sit down with the authors of the recently released book, Leading Small Groups that Thrive.

DR. RYAN T. HARTWIG

Ryan T. Hartwig, (PhD, University of Colorado Boulder), is dean of the School of Humanities and Social Sciences and Professor of Communication at Colorado Christian University. He has taught courses in group, organizational and leadership communication for more than fifteen years, and he has led, trained and developed teams and small groups for more than twenty years in universities and churches.

His first book, Teams That Thrive: Five Disciplines of Collaborative Church Leadership (with Warren Bird) was published by Intervarsity Press and awarded the 2015 Outreach Magazine Leadership Resource of the Year.

With a heart that beats for discipleship and leadership development, Ryan frequently speaks at conferences, retreats, and seminars; consults with pastors and ministry leaders regarding senior leadership teams, teamwork in ministry, and small-group ministry design and leadership; and writes for numerous church leadership publications including Leadership Journal, Outreach Magazine, and Influence.

Most importantly, Ryan journeys through life with his wife Jill and four children Halle, Alia, Katelyn and Matthew. They enjoy a full family life, enjoying the mountains of Colorado, rooting for the Broncos, playing board games, and hanging out with family and friends.

DR. COURTNEY W. DAVIS

Courtney Wong Davis (PhD, University of California, Santa Barbara) is associate professor of Communication Management at Azusa Pacific University, where she serves as Program Director and teaches organizational, small group, and professional communication from a biblical worldview. Courtney’s research has been published in the Nonprofit Management & Leadership, Communication Quarterly, and Southern Communication Journal.

As an executive coach and expert in organizational membership, Courtney has studied and consulted with business organizations, church and parachurch organizations, and other nonprofit organizations. Courtney coaches executives and organizational leaders to explore creative solutions to complex challenges, clarifying individual values, understanding organizational culture, and facilitating confidence in moving in a new direction.

Her more challenging (and even more rewarding!) work is raising two boys, Luke and Theo, alongside her husband Matt. Together, they love reading, cooking, serving their local church, riding bikes, playing board games, and enjoying big Saturday sabbath breakfasts and adventures.

JASON A. SNIFF

Jason A. Sniff, (M.A., Baylor University), is Pastor of Small Groups at Eastview Christian Church in Normal, IL. He has been in and around ministry for over 10 years and spent much of that time in developing leaders, ministry, and equipping groups to impact the world around them. Prior to officially working in and on ministry, Jason spent 13 years in higher education at various colleges and universities counseling, discipling, teaching, and training college students to take their next steps.

Jason has authored and co-authored a number of small group resources and studies, and contributed devotional writings for Eastview. More importantly, he is husband to an amazing wife, and the father of 6 very crazy but equally awesome kids. Jason and Team Sniff (the name he gives to his family) live on the edge of Normal.

Start New Groups

September 24, 2020

Three Signs It’s Time to Start a New Group

By Dwayne McCrary

As we begin to regather, creating more Bible study groups will be essential if our churches are to impact our culture. Here are a few things we as leaders can look for so we know when it is time to give birth to a new group.

Discussion is a challenge

Discussion can be a challenge no matter what size of group we lead, but this is especially true of larger groups. God created us as relational beings. Not being able to interact with others creates short-circuits our minds were not made to handle. We want to interact with others. Some of us have found ourselves talking to neighbors we would have avoided prior to March of 2020 simply for face-to-face interaction during the pandemic. Here is the issue when it comes to groups: the larger the group, the less likely substantive discussion will occur during group time. We will know it is time to start a new group when people hesitate or measure their words during discussion in a way they did not before.

There are no open chairs

Most leaders love a full house. We feel successful in our roles when all the spots are filled. But a full room works against involving more people in the Bible study. A full room may make a leader feel satisfied with less urgency to reach out to potential new members. No empty chairs may lead a first-time attender to feel they were not expected and give the impression they are an intruder. On the other side, the group itself may stop inviting newcomers for fear of losing their spot or feeling crowded. Open spots remind us to keep inviting people to join in Bible study. Creating a new group leads to room for more to be involved.

The group has been together for more than 18 months

Staying together for too long is not exclusive to ongoing groups. Groups that are reshuffled every year or six months will often have people who work around the system and find a way to stay together. Leaders may accommodate these arrangements since we would rather people be in a group than be working against us from the outside. Yet, the longer a group is together, the more difficult it is for an outsider to break into the group. A person in the group loses his job and the others rally around him during the transition. Another person has a medical crisis and the group walks beside that person through some deep valleys. These types of experiences create connections and identity within the group but people who join the group after that experience may have a hard time catching up. In this way, the group becomes functionally closed. While we strive for these types of connections, it is important that they do not become so ingrained that no one else is welcome.

We have reviewed only three signs that it may be time to start a new group. What other signs do you look for that tell you it may be time to start a new group?

Dwayne McCrary is a team leader at LifeWay, adjunct professor at Midwestern BTS, and a BIble study leader in the church he attends.

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