Group Dynamics Archives - Group Ministry

June 6, 2019

Depression, Solitude, and the Small Group

by Jared Musgrove

We are so hurried. Busy-ness is truly the ultimate virtue of the age. Henri Nouwen phrased it this way, “In many people’s lives, there is a nearly diabolical chain in which their anxieties grow according to their success.” Such 21^st Century souls demand that the truth be stated in an elevator conversation, because we are moving on to the next projected “success”. But this attitude misses the biblically human truth that transformation by the truth takes time, examination, and community.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones’ collection of sermons on the matter of Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cures has always been a personal friend to me, but I’ve begun to look at it all over again as a community resource when I consider our small groups and the transformation we all pray happens in them. The way to go about this will be both the individual being led by the Lord into holy introspection and then to processing in the community of God’s people in a smaller group.

Lloyd-Jones writes,

“We are meant to examine ourselves periodically, but if we are always doing it, always, as it were, putting our soul on a plate and dissecting it, that is introspection. And if we were always talking to people about ourselves and our problems and troubles, and if we are forever going to them with that kind of frown and saying: I am in great difficulty – it probably means that we are all the time centered upon ourselves. That is introspection, and that in turn leads to the condition known as morbidity.”

Maybe you’ve had that member in your small group. Maybe you even recognize yourself in the above paragraph. We are designed to spend times of solitude with God, to read His Word, to hear from Him, to pray, and commune with Him. Jesus, our Master of Model of living, did just this. And so too should we encourage our small group members to cultivate a life with God outside of our community time.

But our life with God cannot stay in solitude. That’s the tricky part. There are introverts and extroverts and we approach solitude differently. Lloyd-Jones is helpful here:

“We have to watch our strength and we have to watch our weakness. The essence of wisdom is to realize this fundamental thing about ourselves. If I am naturally an introvert I must always be careful about it, and I must warn myself against it lest unconsciously I slip into a condition of morbidity. The extrovert must in the same way know himself and be on his guard against the temptations peculiar to his nature.”

But we can’t know ourselves or God fully if we try to do so apart from the community of saints He has given us. This is what we do in small groups. We help each other process our introspection and remind one another of the gospel’s application in both our solitude and our solidarity.

Jared Steven Musgrove serves as Groups Pastor and elder at The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas. He earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism from The University of Oklahoma, a Master of Divinity in preaching from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and a Doctorate of Ministry in leadership from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the husband of Jenny and the father of two sons, Jordan and Joshua. You can follow him on Twitter @jsmusgrove

Church Leadership

May 28, 2019

Why Does Your Group Exist?

By Chris Surratt

Every small group needs a reason for existence. Why should we carve out more time in our busy lives to spend it with people we might barely know? For most people and groups that reason is the desire for community. We desire friendship, and that is a good thing.

We all need community. In fact, we were designed by God to be in community. You can see it modeled for us with the perfect relationship of the Trinity in Genesis.

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.” (Gen. 1:26 hcsb)

We then see it prayed for by Jesus with His final prayer before His death on the cross:

“May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You. May they also be one in Us, so the world may believe You sent Me.” (John 17:21 hcsb)

Community is important, but a problem arises when community is the destination of the group. A small group that gathers strictly around the desire to make friends will live or die on the strength of those relationships. If those relationships begin to shift or separate, so will the group. Without the imperative of being on mission, community is fragile.

Like all aspects of God’s creation, our relationships have been broken by sin. In our sinfulness, we use other people instead of live in God-honoring community with them. But when we believe the gospel, our relationships begin to be reshaped. We, together, are meant to help each other follow Jesus more closely and in so doing to extend the gospel into all the world. This is our mission. This is the redeemed version of community—it’s relationships that are centered on seeing the mission of God come to pass first in our own hearts, and eventually in the world.

We can look at the life of Jesus to see how community was used as the foundation for mission. As we saw in Genesis 1:26, Jesus had this perfect community with the Trinity, but chose to not only leave home, but to leave heaven on a mission to die for those He came to reach. Jesus was the first and greatest missionary of all history!

John testified to the fullness of Jesus’ mission in John 1:

Indeed, we have all received grace upon grace from his fullness, for the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. The one and only Son, who is himself God and is at the Father’s side—he has revealed him. (vv. 16–18)

Jesus left His community to come to Earth, to realign our priorities, and to make us citizens of a new kingdom. Because of sin, our priorities are broken, but the gospel puts them back in line. The truth of this gospel was the sole mission of Jesus’ life on Earth.

When Pilate questioned who He was, Jesus replied, “You say that I’m a king . . . I was born for this, and I have come into the world for this: to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice” (John 18:37). Jesus was born to share this truth.

We can see clearly why living out the mission of Jesus is related to the gospel. After all, the final instructions of Jesus before He ascended into heaven were centered around this mission—that His followers should “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you” (Matt. 28:19–20).

And as you align your group around this gospel-centered mission of Jesus, remember that we had to hear the good news before we could share the good news. We had to be brought to life by the message before we could be its messengers. What this means practically is that we have to be open to living out the gospel in our group by inviting those who need the gospel the most.

With time of living it out, this missional way of looking at our world becomes a natural outflow of what the gospel has produced in our lives. We desire deeply for others to experience what we have in our life-giving community. Helping group members see their world through this new missional lens will slowly move them beyond just the desire for friendships.

This article is excerpted from the just released book, Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply your Small Group by Chris Surratt. Used by permission from B&H Publishing.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.

Church Leadership

May 23, 2019

Character and Competencies of the Small Group Coach

By Group Ministry

by Jared Musgrove and Justin Elafros

Group coaching is not an approach to manage leaders. Group coaching is an approach to lead leaders. It is one of the most recognized necessities in our group ministries but one of the most underutilized. It does not have to stay that way.

Our friend Joel Deacon of City On A Hill Church in Melbourne, Australia shared with us recently that “Good leaders desire coaches and have coaches, top athletes have coaches, successful executives have coaches and our Group Leaders need coaches.” And we find this to be true. But the key for us in coaching was focusing first on the who of coaching and then the what. So who is the person of character and what are the competencies of a group coach?

First, not every great group leader needs to be a group coach, in much the same way as not every great history teacher needs to be a vice-principal. Some of our greatest leaders are needed (and happiest) leading life lessons in living rooms full of group members. Not every leader needs to lead leaders. But some will desire to do so in a way that identifies, develops, and influences. These men and women of character are good initial candidates for coaching a group. But you first have to know who it is exactly you might have coaching your leaders.

Who

Who can coach the heart of the leader? Who has the capacity? A man or woman doesn’t need to be the most dynamic personality to coach, but they need to be curious and biblically serious about leading leaders into increased spiritual vitality.

Identifying a coach who is able to identify leaders is more art than science. To know who needs to be a coach, you first need to develop a relationship with the people in your group ministry. Who is already living the coaching life you want to reproduce? Your group coaches may not be deacons, but you may find the character described in 1 Timothy 3:3:8-13 helpful as you consider the character of the coach.

Once you identify a coaching candidate, meet regularly with them for a time and talk through the role of a coach. Perhaps even create a group of coaches and equip qualified saints for the work of coaching ministry. Some books we have found particularly helpful on coaching are The COACH Model, Sending Well, and Organic Discipleship. You may enjoy summarizing them or reading them with your coaches. This allows you to equip them as well as get to know who you are inviting into the role.

What

The joy of coaching is seeing saints equip saints. A manual for coaches can be helpful, but coaching is a lifestyle. Have guidelines and expectations but also leave freedom for the coaches to develop in their styles and spiritual gifts as they coach.

Some of the essential components are that they have the time and capacity to coach. Can they make regular meetings to coach the leader (not the group) with personalized, open-ended questions that minister to the leader and increase their own influence on the men and women they lead in the small group? Your group coaches may not be deacons, but you may find the competencies described in Acts 6:1-7 helpful as you consider the capacity of the coach.

Good coaches coach apart from distraction. They set a space and place to listen and then summarize what the leader(s) is saying. They ask more than advise. They take notes. They talk no more than a ¼ of the time. Along with their minister, they create personalized and ongoing development plans for each leader. They keep up on current and classic resources on group leadership so they can share them at the ready.

Good coaches know to ask one crucial question, “What are you asking God to do in and through your group?” All coaching catapults out of the answer to that question. The coach is able to continually clarify the goal of group as well as coach the heart of the leader. And join them in prayer, asking God for what He has for the leader and group.

Good coaches do pray specifically with and over their leaders. Coaches ask the Lord for insight, words, verses, and pictures for the leaders they coach. If the heart of our leaders is deep waters, we need coaches of understanding to draw them out (Proverbs 20:5).

There is much more to the coaching discussion, and we love having that conversation with our own coaches and with you, our colleagues in groups ministry.

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Dr. Jared Steven Musgrove is Groups Pastor and an elder serving The Village Church in Flower Mound TX where he oversees Home Groups and Recovery Groups. He is a contributor to For The Church, PreachingSource.com,and LifeWay Groups. He serves on boards for Southwestern Seminary and Beta Upsilon Chi, is the co-founder of the Community Leadership Cohort, and authored the small group guide to B&H Academic’s Superheroes Can’t Save You: Epic Examples of Historic Heresies. He is the proud husband of Jenny and father of Jordan and Joshua. You can follow him on Twitter at @jsmusgrove.

Justin Elafros is Groups Minister serving The Village Church in Flower Mound, TX where he leads the church’s largest area of Home Groups, leaders, and coaches in addition to directing the Groups ministry internship. He is the co-founder of the Community Leadership Cohort. Justin earned his B.A. from Moody Bible Institute and his M.A. in ministry from Cedarville University. He specializes in shepherding ministry through small groups, care and counsel strategies in the local church, recruiting and equipping group leaders and coaches to meet the community needs of local congregations. He is married to Christy and they have three children, Cooper, Beckham, and Adelyn.

Church Leadership, Group Leadership, Uncategorized

May 21, 2019

Six Summer Strategies to Invigorate Your Group

By Group Ministry

by Reid Smith

By the end of spring, It’s not uncommon for groups to want to change things up for the summer instead of starting a new Bible study. This comes from a common felt-need to take a break and get refreshed before school, ministries, and so many other things restart in the fall.

However, if you only saw the summer as a chance to unplug, you’d be missing easy and effective opportunities to invigorate your group. Groups don’t have to break from being together in the summer and potentially breakdown their momentum of community-building. Rather, they can use this season to change gears with their regular meeting rhythms in order to find new ways to grow together in Christ.

Mix it up! Instead of your usual, say, Tuesday, 6:30-8pm time – decide to get together every other Friday for dinner and a movie together. If you meet weekly, try meeting every other week. Or everyone could plan to attend the same service and afterwards do an outdoor activity together.
Morph into a shared interest group. Discover who shares the same interests in your group and organize activities around them. Start out by asking:

“What do you enjoy doing the most with your free time?”
“If you could invite a few others to join you in an activity, what would it be?”
“What special interest, topic, creative hobby or sport do you enjoy doing?”

You don’t have to choose one! Create a “mixed shared interest group” out of the ideas that came up. You might do a specific topical study one week and then softball the next. Plan it all out, but don’t try to do too much; just enough to keep the relational connection and continue building upon the community that God has built so far.

Schedule it! Before the onset of summer, ask group members to bring their calendars to a meeting and plan around the dates people know they are going to be away. Before scheduling, appoint somebody to find out what is happening in your surrounding communities during the summer like farmers markets, festivals, outdoor concerts, etc. Besides community events, other examples of fun activities to put on the calendar include:

Going out to a restaurant together and/or the movies.
Grilling in a local park or the backyard of somebody other than your typical host.
Going to a sports event together or doing an activity everyone can get into like bowling, paddle-boating, volleyball, hiking, etc.
Taking a day-trip to the coast, mountains, or state/national park.
Watching July 4^th fireworks together (invite neighbors to join you and introduce them to others in your group).
Having group members pray for one person in their lives they can invite to your group by the end of the summer. (Take a meeting to pray for these people and for what group members hope to see happen in their personal lives by the end of the year.)

Plan a servant evangelism project together. Click HERE for ideas and select a project that would be low risk for people in your group and shows God’s love in practical ways.

Volunteer to help your church with an event or project.

Encourage group members to discover and develop their spiritual gifts. Here’s a simple three-step process: 1) Read and discuss 1 Corinthians 12; Romans 12:1-8; Ephesians 4:7-16; 1 Peter 4:10-11. 2) Have each one complete a spiritual gift assessment. 3) Affirm the outcomes for everyone and brainstorm how they could use them to build up the group in the fall.

Group members who wouldn’t take on new responsibilities for the group in the midst of a study might be willing to do so during the different pace of the summer. Seize this season to “test drive” potential co-leaders by giving them bite-size responsibilities that will help you implement any of the strategies above. Also, seriously consider sub-grouping by gender when you change things up in any of these ways because it will help relationships grow deeper and develop new leaders for future groups so more people can be impacted with the love and message of Jesus Christ!

Reid Smith has been equipping leaders in churches of all sizes and stages of growth for effective disciple-making since 1996. He currently serves as a Pastor of Groups at Christ Fellowship in Palm Beach County, FL and has been a contributing author for various publications, including LifeWay’s Ministry Grid. Learn more about how to start and multiply healthy groups throughout your church at www.reidsmith.org.

Church Leadership

May 17, 2019

4 Ways to Help Your Group Focus on God’s Promises

By Deborah Spooner

Our past. As we each live a new day, we leave a day behind. We can get caught up in what was or what might have been “if only things were different,” but this focus means we forget. When we hold onto our past, we neglect to cling to God’s promises.

In his new study No More Excuses (following the Kingdom Men Rising movie), Tony Evans helps believers focus on God’s promises. Learn personally and use your learning to help your group members through the wisdom from the No More Excuses study excerpt below:

(And, if you love the study, you’ll love studying it alongside others! Sign up for the No More Excuses online Bible study for a week to week experience alongside other believers).

Go Get It!

God has given us more than five thousand promises in Scripture, but He’s not going to force anyone to live in the victory of His fulfilled promises. You have to go get them. When the people of Israel entered the promised land, God promised their leader, Joshua, that He would be given any piece of land where his foot walked (see Josh. 1:3), but he had to go get it. He couldn’t stand where he was and simply claim victory over all of his enemies.

Here are four key principles for claiming the promises God has made.

1. Leave the Past Behind

Learn from yesterday; don’t live in it. As Joshua set out to take the Israelites on a military conquest across enormous geographical areas, he had to let go of Moses as the leader and commander. As we see in Joshua 1:1-2, Moses had died. The miracles Moses had performed for the Israelite people were in the past. God would use a new man and a new plan to secure the nation’s victories moving forward. Embracing that truth was critical for their progress.

2. Seize Your Spiritual Inheritance

Joshua had to take steps of faith to secure the promises God had made. God placed a condition on receiving His victories. Joshua had to place the sole of his foot where he might normally have been afraid to do so. Doing so required faith. Passively waiting for God to dump your spiritual promises onto you isn’t the way God operates. You have to go after them.

3. Focus on God, Not People

God promised Joshua:

No man will be able to stand before you all the days

of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will

be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.

Joshua 1:5

No doubt Joshua faced oversized, overpowering enemies as he sought to gain military victories and conquer the promised land. But God assured him of victory. If Joshua had focused on the people in his way, he might have cowered in fear. Likewise, when you direct your focus on God and His assuring Word, you can reduce fear and doubt in your life. Keep your eyes on your Source and only on your Source.

4. Stay Tethered to God’s Word

A critical element in Joshua’s conquests was his consistency in staying tied to God’s Word. God instructed him:

Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to

do according to all the law which Moses My servant

commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to

the left, so that you may have success wherever you go.

Joshua 1:7

God’s Word gives wisdom on what to do, when to do it, and how to gain spiritual victories in the midst of physical limitations or obstacles. Men, as you move forward in life, meditate on and apply the truths of Scripture, and you’ll gain insight for accomplishing all God has in store for you.

This content has been excerpted from Tony Evans’ No More Excuses Bible Study, available now.

Deborah Spooner is a Minnesota-born analytical creative serving as a Marketing Strategist for LifeWay’s Groups Ministry. As a pastor’s daughter with a background in Digital Communications and Media and Biblical & Theological Studies, you can find her at her local church, in deep conversation, or with a book or pen in hand as she seeks to know Christ more and make Him known.

Church Leadership

May 14, 2019

The Top Five Small Group Systems

By Chris Surratt

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of the word “system” is: “a set of principles or procedures according to which something is done; an organized scheme or method.” We are sometimes afraid of systems in the groups world because we feel community is supposed to happen organically, not through an organized scheme. But at its core, a system is simply a way to help people know what to do next and how to do it. If groups are our primary path to multiplying disciples, then our people need a good system to know what they are and how to do them.

There are a lot of small group systems to choose from, and there is not one system that fits all. Every church has to do the work of discovering who their people are, what their vision and mission is, and then choosing and tweaking a system that works best within that ethos. There is also no perfect system. Each one will have it’s pros and cons that need to be weighed before landed on. Here are five of the most popular groups systems and pros and cons for each one.

1. Open Groups System

An open groups system will primarily offer groups that are open to adding new people throughout the life of the groups.

Pros: Open groups give the opportunity for group members to be missional in their circles of influence. They are encouraged to invite friends and neighbors to join their groups at any time. Open groups also give new church attenders a place to connect immediately.

Cons: It can be more difficult for groups to achieve accountability and vulnerability if there are new members constantly being added. Also, it can be hard for new members to feel comfortable in an existing group if they don’t already have relationships there.

2. Closed Groups System

A closed groups system will primarily offer groups that are closed, after an initial sign-up period, throughout the life of the groups.

Pros: Closed groups can achieve community and accountability faster than open groups. Without the possibility of new people coming in, group members can be more open with their lives.

Cons: If closed groups stay together longer than two years without multiplying or adding new people, they can become stale and possibly toxic. They will start having the same conversations around the same subjects and spiritual growth may be stunted as a result.

3. Missional Groups System

A missional groups system will encourage church members to gather their group from the community in which they live.

Pros: Missional groups are naturally evangelistic in form. Instead of relying on the church to fill their groups with attenders, leaders are trained to see their community as a mission field. Some missional group leaders will move to a location specifically to form a group there.

Cons: It can be much harder to launch and maintain a missional group. The bar for leadership has to be higher because the group is truly a microcosm of the church. Also, it’s more difficult to help new attenders join a missional group, unless they already live in a community with an existing one.

4. Discipleship Intensive Groups System

A discipleship intensive groups system primarily offers smaller gatherings of 3 or 4 same-sex groups for deeper discipleship, conversations and accountability. These groups are sometimes referred to as “D Groups.”

Pros: Larger small groups of 8-12 people are perfect for community, but not always the best for accountability and discipleship conversations. Especially if they are mixed gender. We all need this level of community with a few others to help us go deeper in our walk with God.

Cons: Not everyone in the church is ready for this type of group. If you are reaching outsiders on the weekend, they need somewhere less intrusive to test the community waters before they dive into an intensive discipleship group.

5. Free Market Groups System

A free market groups system offers attenders the opportunity to form groups around something they are passionate about, or are already doing with a group of people. For example, a group of men, who already get together to ride bikes on the weekends, can be a free market group.

Pros: Groups are much easier to form. People who are already doing life together can add some “God time” to help members grow spiritually through relationships. Also, invites to join a group are more natural than asking someone to go to a home for a Bible study.

Cons: While community is easily achieved in a free market group, discipleship may not be. A consistent Bible study will not in and of itself disciple someone, but will help group members look to the Bible for answers to life’s questions instead of just each other.

Those are five of the most popular groups systems available, but your system may eventually offer groups from different categories. It’s most important to know why you offer the types of groups that you do, so you can cast a consistent vision for why people should lead and join them.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, and the recently released, Leading Small Groups. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.

Friday Features

May 10, 2019

Friday Feature: Life + Love

By Group Ministry

The group’s responses to this week’s topic were instantaneous even though they were not unanimous. Singleness. Some tensed up, feeling negative emotions. Others checked out as they had left that stage years prior. But, the group leader still had to lead all members in discussion.

How do group leaders navigate conversations around life and love? In his new Bible study Life + Love: Navigating Singleness, Dating, Engagement, and Marriage, Ben Stuart from Passion City Church D.C. brings us through these four relational stages. His wisdom on singleness, partially excerpted below, can get you started on these vital conversations.

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Though seasons of singleness vary in length, God has purposed that every human being on the planet experience this stage of life. So it’s fair to ask the question: Why? If we say the purpose of singleness is simply to find someone to marry, then we’re saying Jesus and the apostle Paul failed at singleness. I don’t know anyone who wants to say that. So let’s ask the fair question: What does God want our single season to be about?

We’re at our best when we function as we were designed. Freedom isn’t the absence of boundaries. It’s the ability to fulfill our created intent. Fish are most free when they swim, and birds when they fly. The same is true of human beings. We’re most alive when we fulfill our Creator’s intent for our lives.

If singleness existed just to lead us to marriage, Jesus was a failure.

Because of the freedom single people experience, they have more time to focus. However, most people use this season to focus on one of two interests:

1. CAREER. They’re working to get ahead or climb the ladder.

2. THEMSELVES. They say things like “I’m taking this time to focus on me.”

Neither of these pursuits is wrong, and yet neither focus will ultimately satisfy our hearts.

What pursuit, other than Jesus, are you tempted to focus on because of the freedom found in the phase of singleness?

Ben told the story of Jesus talking with the woman at the well in John 4:1-26. Jesus encountered a woman who had been married five times and was now living with a man. He told the woman her problem was that she was thirsty for something only the Lord could satisfy. We have to get our relationship with God right before we can ever hope to get a relationship with a guy or a girl right.

Have you seen this thirst in people who were looking to satisfy themselves with something only the Lord can satisfy? What does an unhealthy thirst look like in the context of a relationship?

In Greek the word devotion is made up of two words: good and beside, meaning we need to become good at being beside God, attentive to His Word and involved in His work. Ben gave some practical ways we can do this, from reading and writing out the Gospels to making extra money to sponsor a child.

What changes can you make in the way you structure your time in order to prioritize devotion to God? What do you need to uproot from your schedule and plant in your life so that you can focus on devotion to God?

What can you do this week to take advantage of your freedom as a single person that you won’t have as a married person?

If you’re not single, how might this discussion be helpful to single people you know?

Ask God to help the group treasure Him during the stage of singleness. Pray for patience when you’re tempted to rush through this stage and for help to center your lives in Him alone so that you can grow spiritually before joining your lives with someone else. Ask Him to help you find rest in Jesus.

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Your learning doesn’t have to stop here. Find out more about Ben’s new resource at LifeWay.com/Life+Love.

Church Leadership

May 9, 2019

When “What Can I Do?” Isn’t Enough

By Reid Patton

Group life allows us to enter into relationships that extend beyond a weekly meeting. As those relationships grow, we are near people during the best and worst times of life.

Paul advised the church in Rome to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). This short exhortation invites us into an entire spectrum of life experiences. Through the good and bad we share in the type of mutual encouragement Paul mentioned earlier in Romans (see 1:11-12). Over the past several years, my wife and I have been the beneficiaries of our small group seeking to obey Paul’s command.

Four and a half years ago, our small group rejoiced with us as we welcomed a baby girl into our family. Our hospital room became a revolving door of visitors. The window sill filled with flowers. Our family came home to a clean house and a fully stocked refrigerator. Meals came by the dozens. We didn’t buy groceries for weeks. Our people rejoiced with us.

Fast-forward a couple more years, we received the same kind of love and generosity from our group for an entirely different reason.

I still remember sitting in down with the guys in my group and taking about how excited we all were to have our second kids. It was January and all the husbands were hoping to get that second kid and all the attending medical bills into one deductible year. While all our friends went on to have their second child, my wife and I experienced three consecutive miscarriages.

The people who rejoiced with us now wept with us. Three more times, the meals, the tears, the flowers, and the prayers came.

Reading Paul’s words, no one wants to be the person weeping. Yet, part of what my wife and I prayed when we found out we were pregnant after a second miscarriage is that God would allow whatever happened to us to be used by Him. So, in that vein, here are a few lessons we’ve learned about how to weep with those who weep.

Be Available

Our natural (and well-intended) response to tragedy is often to ask “what can I do?” People walking through hurt find it difficult to answer this question in the moment. A friend of mine whose wife was battling breast cancer put it this way, “I don’t know what I need, but when I need it, I’ll need it right then.” Instead of finding a concrete way to help, be present and willing to do whatever is needed when called upon.

Simply being present goes a long way.
Send a text or leave a voicemail without expecting a reply.
Drop a card in the mailbox.
Leave a care package by the front door.

Because our friends made their presence known, we knew we could call upon them when we needed a meal or someone to hang out with our daughter for a few hours. We knew our friends would drop everything at a moments notice to be there for us, to allow us to vent, to cry with us, or simply listen to us and say nothing at all.

Listen More than You Speak

When tragedy befell Job, Scripture tells us “when Job’s three friends […} heard about all this adversity that had happened to him, each of them came from his home. They met together to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. … Then they sat on the ground with him seven days and nights, but no one spoke a word to him because they saw that his suffering was very intense.” (2:11,13) In coming and sitting with Job, they did the right thing. The trouble didn’t begin until they started speaking.

When our doctor told us that we miscarried, he prayed for us and specifically asked that God protect us from the unhelpful things people were going to say. Well-meaning friends will say unhelpful things. Job’s friends did not intend to hurt or frustrate him. They just misunderstood what Job needed. Instead of giving unsolicited advice or encouragement to your grieving friends, offer support and a listening ear. Don’t be afraid of their pain and be willing to hear it when they want to speak it. A listening ear is a great encouragement to a suffering friend.

Know that Your Faith Sustains their Faith

Walking through three consecutive pregnancy losses tested our faith in ways that we couldn’t have imagined. To be honest, it is still testing our faith. Yet, even in our worst days, the goodness of God’s people sustained our faith. We saw Jesus so clearly through the care and attention of His church.

Our friends sacrificed for us, prayed for us, and gave to us. Our loss, particularly the third miscarriage, knocked us completely off balance. As we tried to regain equilibrium, God’s people became a ballast of assurance to us. We knew Jesus cared about us because they cared about us.

Walking with people through pain and suffering requires much from you. Weeping with those who weep will cost you tears. Getting close to pain and ugliness is difficult, but that is what Jesus did for us. He entered into our brokenness, was present with us, listened to us, and told us to cast our burdens on Him when we’re weary and heavy laden.

Group life means embracing the good and the bad shoulder to shoulder with other people. Weeping with those who weep is not easy, but it is worth it. When the people in your community hurt, go to them and show them the same kind of love and acceptance that you’ve received from Jesus. He laid down His life for His friends. We must do the same in celebration and in mourning.

Reid Patton is a Content Editor for the Short-Term Discipleship Team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the thankful husband of Kristen and proud father of Ceile and serves with the Life Group leadership team at the Church at Station Hill in Spring Hill, Tennessee. He is currently pursuing a Master’s from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. In his free time, Reid likes reading, watching NBA Basketball, Braves Baseball, and Auburn Football, and going to record stores. You can find him on Twitter @jreidpatton.

Church Leadership

May 7, 2019

Leading Your Small Group Through Church Scandal

By Group Ministry

by Jared Musgrove

I think what I’m concerned for most is our imagination. In the wake of one scandal of a fallen Christian leader after another (with the fallen-condition promise of likely more), I’m quite worried about our Christian imagination. It’s the imagination that is key to church scandal. The minute we read, hear, or scroll the news, our imaginations run wild. Rarely to holy or informed places.

But there is a way to help one another’s imaginations when the scandal strikes. It takes a community to care for souls in shock. Small group leaders are essential in such times of devastation, questions of trust, and attack on our Christian imaginations.

There are practical ways a leader may lead in batting down the gossip, speculation, and the lack of self-control so widespread in the wake of leader scandal. The first is to recognize that your church leaders and staff are likely stunned as well. They are church members first. This is also their spiritual family. As well as their vocation. A small group can take this into account in order to pray for and tangibly minister to a hurting staff of ministers and pastors, regardless of the size.

When the scandal comes, direct your small group to ask questions openly and honestly, and preferably personally, of an elder or pastor within the church. Speculation among members is the wrong use of imagination. But being proactive and productive with your questions, even if you do not get every detail you want, will help you shepherd each other’s imaginations with right information.

Consider together that though it is desirable that everyone hear the same news at the same time and in the same way, that is rarely the case. The nature of news travel in this century aids neither clarity nor with ending speculation. It is most likely that your church’s leadership team tries their best to be the ones to share and shepherd minds and imaginations through terrible news, but they aren’t always allowed to be the ones leading with the information. Method and best practices are all too often overrun by the way news now travels. Your leadership is doing their best with an awful situation. Is there ever a perfect way to share terrible news?

Model for your group members the approach of asking questions rather than engaging imaginations in gossip. Or leading one another into a type of destruction and disunity fueled by unchecked imaginations. And tongues. Lead your members to scrutinize their information and imaginations.

And remind them that there is sadly no playbook to exposed or exposing sin. It’s awful every single time. Every instance is unique because there are singularly unique souls, families, and local churches affected. If you’ve seen one church leader scandal, you’ve seen one church leader scandal. Sin doesn’t conform to our predictions or expectations. Every situation is sadly unique and hurtful. Lord have mercy on us, for we are sinners.

And that’s why we really need our imaginations re-arrested in times of scandal. Small group leaders, lead imaginations to the one Leader Whose only scandal was dying unjustly in our place so that He might be a propitiation for our sins. Jesus is the Leader of His church. Though His under shepherds disappoint and even wound at times, His leadership is without compromise or an iota of sin. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Imagine that together in your small group. The gospel is the only balm to harmed church bodies and minds. Help your group members confront the existential crisis of leader scandal by reminding them of the gospel, together.

Dr. Jared Steven Musgrove is Groups Pastor and an elder serving The Village Church in Flower Mound TX where he directs Home Groups and Recovery Groups. He is a contributor to For The Church, PreachingSource.com,and LifeWay Groups. He serves on boards for Southwestern Seminary and Beta Upsilon Chi, is the co-founder of the Community Leadership Cohort, and is author of the group guide to B&H Academic’s Superheroes Can’t Save You: Epic Examples of Historic Heresies. He is the proud husband of Jenny and father of Jordan and Joshua. You can follow him on Twitter at @jsmusgrove.

Church Leadership

May 2, 2019

Four Discipleship Groups We All Need

By Chris Surratt

Joining or leading a discipleship group can be an intimidating and seemingly complicated process for people in our churches. While there are certainly a lot of details to think through, the basic mission for any group or relationship should come from the singular command Jesus left us in Matthew 28:19: “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations”.

We can see from this passage that Jesus made it simple—we are to make disciples. If our groups are built on this command, when shifting in relationships occur, the foundation is still strong. Relationships on their own are fragile, but when partnered with intentional discipleship, they can be the catalyst to sustained life-change.

If we are following Jesus’ great commission, then it makes sense to also follow the pattern He left us in forming discipleship communities. We can see through scripture that Jesus created disciples through four different types of groups.

1. Group of Many

So, where did Jesus start? He didn’t look to gather a huge crowd or even a small group of people, but he began in the community he found himself. We can see this pattern starting with Jesus as a boy in the temple.

After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. – Luke 2:41-46

Jesus intentionally spent time with people and asked questions. He wanted to understand before moving on to what was next. Our first “group” should be the community we find ourselves in. Our neighborhoods, our coffee shops, our office, or anywhere we interact with people to ask questions and understand their stories and experiences. This is our first mission field. Look for those natural interactions that can lead to relationships.

2. Group of Twelve

The next community Jesus engaged with was his group of twelve disciples. He intentionally and prayerfully chose twelve men to walk with him and carry on the mission when he was gone. After Jesus had returned to heaven, we can see this practice of meeting together in smaller groups continued by the early church in Acts 2:42-47.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and signs were being performed through the apostles. Now all the believers were together and held all things in common. They sold their possessions and property and distributed the proceeds to all, as any had need. Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple, and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with joyful and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. Every day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.

It is clear in this passage that the early church devoted themselves to God and each other through both corporate gatherings (the temple) and in the home (house to house). We are now carrying on this 2000-year-old tradition by launching groups to meet in homes, apartment clubhouses, office break rooms, church classrooms, or anywhere that a group of 8-12 people can meet together to have community (fellowship), discipleship (prayer, wonders and signs), and mission (sold their possessions and added to their number).

3. Group of Four

Even as Jesus did ministry with the twelve, there were three disciples he spent the most time with: Peter, John, and James. We can see this special relationship play out in Mark 14:32-24.

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”

He formed this smaller group of four, and allowed them more access throughout his ministry, because he understood the importance of time spent with just a few to carry on the work. As disciple-making deacons, our next step after forming a small group is looking for those 3-4 same-sex people within the group to form more intentional discipleship relationships with outside of the group meeting times.

4. Group of Two

If we look closer at Jesus’ smaller group of four, we see that there was one who was even closer than the others: John. This close relationship is testified to by John in, among other places, John 20:1-2 (emphasis added).

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

This intimate bond did not mean that Jesus loved the other disciples any less, but it’s obvious that John sought Jesus’ affections more than the rest. We all need that person in our lives who knows us better than anyone else. That person with whom we can share the highest of highs and lowest of lows. He or she may be a mentor, a spouse, or a close friend.

To learn more on how to launch and lead one of these groups, check out my new book, Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply Your Small Group.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.

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