Group Dynamics Archives - Group Ministry

April 9, 2019

Don’t Let Your Group Be a Mystery to Your Children

by Jared Musgrove and Matt McCauley

“What do we do with the kids?” This is a common and familiar question church leadership hears from small group leaders and participants.

Children obviously cannot be present for every moment of every gathering, but we argue it is a loss and a miss if children are excluded from all the rich discipleship activity of the Homegroup. I contend there is a happy medium between complete inclusion and complete exclusion of children in Home Groups.

Children are people, not almost people. And they also need to taste and see the goodness of the Lord in community ministry. I fear many of our children may have no idea what we are doing in our small groups as they are either dropped off at a class of their own or at a babysitter’s while Mom and Dad go to another room in the church or someone else’s home.

Three big biblical takeaways regarding children that should shape our perception of them:

Children are whole people. Not almost people, future people, or nearly people. They are not “other”. They have the same foundational spiritual needs, wants, desires as adults. Even if your Homegroup only has one child, that’s one whole person ready to experience and participate in gospel-centered community.
Children are a blessing, not a burden. Working and investing to incorporate children into Homegroup gatherings directly opposes the common cultural view that they are a burden. That in some way they might bring down, slow down, or hinder the group from its mission and goal. The biblical worldview would argue that the presence of children is a blessing to the group; a gift.
In the context of ministry, children present an opportunity to engage not an obstacle to overcome. Children are difficult, no doubt. They require special attention. Their needs are significant. But their presence presents an opportunity for significant ministry and discipleship. Jesus’ example in regards to children is to welcome them into ministry context when possible.

We serve in a church that hosts semester-long Christian education classes on campus but also has a large majority of its people in small group community environments that meet in homes throughout the week. In this, we believe there is a way to begin sowing the seeds of One Another ministry in our children from the earliest age. And for that to happen, what happens at small group can’t remain a mystery to our sons and daughters.

We are not contending that children be a part of every group time or meeting, but complete exclusion is a miss for all the people in the group. Balance is the key.

The first step may be a new model of meeting. We have seen the following approach and variations of it quite helpful to the inclusion of children in a home group:

Week 1: Adult Only Gathering (Individual or on-site vetted babysitters can be easily equipped go over the lessons from that Sunday’s children’s programming)

Week 2: Women’s Gathering (Dads care for their children, even being intentional to create a space for spiritual conversation and fun during this time).

Week 3: Men’s Gathering (Moms care for their children, even being intentional to create space for spiritual conversation and fun during this time).

Week 4: Family Disciples Element (Everyone is together, but there are child-specific elements for part of or during the group time.

For this approach to Week 4, we recommend four-fold approach: Play, Sing, Read, Pray.

Play – Trust is the currency of child/adult relationships so spend the first 10-15 minutes of Family Worship Night connecting with the children. This can be accomplished through an organized game, fun activity, or structured play. Something as simple as coloring or connecting an activity to that week’s childrens’ lesson or what the parents are doing is simple and effective.

Sing – Corporate singing engages and unites all ages and stages. Most children love to sing and are not hindered by fear of man or the quality of their voices. The purpose of worship through song is to engage both the heart and mind of the worshipper and encourage them to consider the things above. We recommend singing along with a CD of songs they children may be familiar with from your children’s ministry times for 10 minutes or so.

Read – This isn’t a sermon. You simply have to read God’s Word. Your children’s ministry may already have resources they are giving to parents to use at home. Or there may be a children’s Bible with short devotions already in it. If there is someone in your group who has a heart and/or training in ministering to children, they may even want to create a brief lesson and questions for all the people in the group to experience together for about 10 minutes.

Pray – No matter our age, we must learn by being told and then learn by example and doing. Prayer is certainly that. For example, when Jesus’ disciples wanted to know how to pray, He gave them the Lord’s prayer. Corporate prayer in your small group setting teaches children and adults how to pray. Take advantage of the children’s presence and pray specifically for them, by name. Close out the night by speaking a word of blessing over the youngest people at your group meeting. Ephesians 6:16-20 or Jude 24-25 are wonderful to use for this.

And the above are just some ideas to get you thinking. But we all must recognize that group time should not stay mysterious to our children. We should invite them in to taste and see the goodness of the Lord in community ministry.

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Jared Steven Musgrove serves as Groups Pastor and elder at The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas. He earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism from The University of Oklahoma, a Master of Divinity in preaching from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and a Doctorate of Ministry in leadership from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the husband of Jenny and the father of two sons, Jordan and Joshua. You can follow him on Twitter @jsmusgrove

Matt McCauley serves as Family Minister at The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas. He holds a bachelor’s degree in education from Midwestern State Univerity, a M.A. in Christian education from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and is completing doctoral work in Family Ministry at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He’s married to Ashley and together they are raising three boys–Wyatt, Gunnar, and Knox. You can follow him on Twitter @mattmccauley81

Church Leadership

March 28, 2019

4 Expectations to Establish In a New D-Group

By Brandon Hiltibidal

A year ago, a friend of mine asked me to be in a D-Group. He had never started a D-Group before. He didn’t even know it was called a D-Group. But, he did it. He wanted to study the Bible and walk in accountability with two other men and he set the right expectations toward that end. A year later, all three of us have been hugely impacted by our time together and we owe a lot to how the group was launched.

Here are four expectations that were established up front that helped discipleship actually happen in our group.

1. A D-Group should confess consistently.

My friend made it clear he didn’t want to gather and pretend to shepherd one another. He didn’t want to talk around sin in hopes of feeling better for having been together. He asked us to update each other on how we were falling short of holiness and joy in Jesus, respond with grace, and push toward repentance every week.

He was willing to go below the “line of shame” and work to apply scripture to his own struggles. Now, every week, we all know we have the attention of friends who love us and are ready to help us struggle closer to the abundant life Christ wants for us.

He set the expectation of confession up front and we have benefitted from it ever since.

2. A D-Group should study the Bible.

This might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how easy it can be to get together for discipleship and never open the Bible. My friend who started our D-Group expressed, before our first meeting, that we would read scripture together. The Bible teaches us who we are in Christ and how we live in Him, so trying to “do life together” without it makes no sense. We’ve tried reading commentary together. Or we’ve selected passages each week. If you want something more consistent, you might consider the Foundations reading plan from Robby Gallaty. However you approach it, establish the expectation that the Bible will speak the loudest in your group.

3. A D-Group should end on time.

The tendency is for small groups of close friends to ignore the clock during meaningful conversations. That will be a temptation in a D-Group. That is especially true as relationships deepen and discipling each other gets easier. However, as a rule, the clock should decide when the meeting is over. That might sound unspiritual, but a meeting without a consistent end time can’t be a consistent part of your life. For the sake of next week’s needs, this week’s conversation has to end on time.

When launching a new D-Group, ensure your partners that you’ll start and end on time. Then prove it.

4. A D-Group shouldn’t cancel.

I imagine many D-Groups die the death of a few missed meetings. With only three of four people in a group, it can be easy to cancel for travel, sickness, oversleeping, and any number of reasons.

Our group committed to getting together every week if at all possible. Sometimes that means only two of us make it, but two is all it takes. We’ve also “met” over the phone when we’re out of town. The point is to fight for consistency together so you can keep fighting for joy together.

Brandon Hiltibidal is a former church planter and multi-site pastor, and he is now part of the Groups Ministry team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He also serves as an elder and a member of the preaching team at The Bridge Church in Middle Tennessee.

Church Leadership

March 26, 2019

Biggest Wins for Your Group

By Group Ministry

by David Apple

Have you ever thought that groups are more successful only when they increase attendance? These four categories will help us celebrate strategic wins for your group.

Celebrate when discipleship becomes strategic. Every believer needs to be on the receiving end and the giving end of disciple making. This must be an intentional part of our strategy. Every believer, whether they are active in the group or not are to be on the receiving end of Christian disciplines (Bible reading, prayer, ministry, worship, giving). These disciplines help a believer grow as a follower of Christ. Likewise, every believer, whether they are active in the group or not are to be on the giving end of Christian disciplines. These disciplines help the believer help other believers grow as followers of Christ. Chances are increased that Christians are growing as followers of Christ when they are engaged through a group that focuses on growing as disciples. Celebrate the win!
Celebrate when God’s Word is vital. Although every group should celebrate ministry, fellowship, and enlargement, don’t apologize for taking priority time to let God speak through His Word. We cannot afford to merely share our own thoughts without being focused on the message and meaning of the Scripture. We win when we stay focused on letting God direct our group through His Word. Celebrate the win!
Celebrate when every person is a possibility. We win when we help every possible person encounter God through His Word and be receivers of and givers of Christian disciplines.

It’s wonderful when “members” attend the group, participate in Bible study, engage in ministry and fellowship through the group. Some members are regular attenders while others are unable or unavailable to routinely attend the group. The group wins when we actively invite and enroll people to be part of the group. Chances increase that individuals will participate when they are invited or enrolled.
Every group needs to develop and nurture a group of people who are not participating in a Bible study group; let’s call them “prospects.” Every group wins when they are nurturing at least as many prospects (including unsaved persons) as they have people enrolled in the group. Chances increase that individuals will connect with Christ and with His people when we nurture individuals.
Also, every group is looking for workers – those who will help the group focus on teaching, reaching, ministry, and/or fellowship. Some people will prefer a title (if they do the work or not) while some people will resist a title (but will help with the work).

Celebrate when people come as well as go. The group wins when we include new people or reclaim people who have not participated in Bible study, ministry or fellowship. One of the greatest wins we can celebrate is when a person follows the direction of the Lord to leave our group and serve elsewhere. Other ministries and age groups in the church need the adults in our group. We can celebrate and nurture them as missionaries. Celebrate the win!

David Apple is a Ministry Specialist at LifeWay since 1985 where he develops and leads training experiences for volunteers and staff who work with Adults. David serves as a Pastor and Bible teacher; he also volunteers weekly with inmates on death row in a maximum security prison. David is married to Karen, Dad to Ben and Christine, and Poppi to Madison, Wilson, and Miles.

Church Leadership

March 21, 2019

Launching Groups After Easter

By Group Ministry

by Jared Musgrove

It can be commonly accepted in our groups world that there are times of year that are just not good time to launch a group. Spring Break is one. After a late Easter going into Summer is another one all together. I understand the tension point. And while it’s true that these may not be optimal times, they’re not impossible times. It might even be part of the plan.

For years we’ve been trying to whiteboard our way out of the alleged conundrum of starting a group during one of these periods. We will probably keep trying. Because if you have one group, you have one group. They are all unique.

So as we head into the months when our people’s vacation, sports, and fireworks schedules reign over weekday evenings, don’t abandon the basics. I propose to you that we stick to what it time-tested in group life season after season, even if that season is after Easter.

Why Does This Group Exist and Meet?

A group that meets after Easter should have the same rhyme and reason (even if the rhythm of meeting is different) as a group that starts any other time of the year. Can this new group answer why the group exists and meets? What is the compelling biblical reason you are giving them all year round? That will be what carries a group through the dog days of Summer.

Who Is the Leader(s)?

An identified leader or leaders is essential to the success of a group, in season or out. Are these leaders committed, calendared, and have conviction about the group’s purpose and time together?

When and Where Do We Meet?

“Even if three people come, we are still having group.” Let this be the resonating resolve regardless of the season. Have that place and time set. Don’t decide to have group or not by consensus. Even if three people come, have group. This builds expectation and solidifies group time as a calendared constant.

What Do We Follow and Submit To?

In season and out, God is still at work in your group. Even if three people come, the Scriptures can be opened, read, considered, prayed through, members prayed over, and spiritual fellowship can be had. Because the group submits to the Lordship of Jesus Christ unity may be had, Christian practice and partnership deepened, and the biblical purpose of your groups furthered.

How Do I Participate?

Is the connection to group life in your church as clear after Easter as it is the rest of the year? This also shouldn’t change. If there are system considerations, get creative and still capitalize on the fact that people are coming and want(!) to be in a group. Make sure their pathway is straight as it would be any other time of the year.

Sometimes a smaller group can be a blessing of warmth and intimacy for a season. And even if numbers are down in your group for a month or so, who knows what the LORD has in store to grow you in gospel partnership together. He put these people in your group for this time in this Summer season. He has work to do. This group that begins after Easter was His plan all along for the spiritual growth of those in it. Including you.

Church Leadership

March 19, 2019

Five Roles of a Small Group Leader

By Chris Surratt

A small group leader has many roles to fill. The key to a healthy and multiplying group is to give as many of those roles away as soon as possible. You can identify which roles to give away first by knowing which ones are naturally weak for you. We all have areas of leadership where we are stronger and weaker. Someone in your group is going to excel in a role where you might struggle.

Here are what I believe are the top five roles (not in order) for every group leader. As you read the list, think about which ones you should start giving away now.

1. Fun Planner

A key to your group staying healthy is being intentional about planning fun activities during every semester or quarter. That can be a game night instead of a doing the study, going to a ballgame together, or organizing a picnic during the spring or summer.

2. Food Planner

The beginning of every group meeting should be a time of just hanging out, and food can be an important part of that first 20 minutes. It gives people in your group something to do while having important bonding conversations before the study portion of the meeting.

3. Host

Every group needs someone to officially host the meeting. That may include providing the space for the meeting, but it always includes being a smiling face at the door to set the tone for night. A good host will help lead to an effective meeting.

4. Shepherd

Your group members are needing more than a social time and a Bible study. The goal should be to have your small group feel like family. Families care for one another and are there for each other when circumstances are great and not so great. We should celebrate and weep with our group members equally.

5. Prayer Time

Prayer is an important element during the group time, but it’s also essential between meetings. A praying leader is a leader worth following. You should pray consistently and specifically for your group members each week.

Is there a role or two on that list that you can give away soon?

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay

Church Leadership

March 14, 2019

Unlocking Balanced Disciple-Making

By Group Ministry

by Reid Smith

Balance has always been elusive for me in ministry. Earlier on, I grew skeptical of it because I pictured it as being something that literally meant I was giving equal time and attention to multiple things but somehow not cheating anything. Life rarely allows this luxury. So when I heard balance applied to small groups, my instinctive reaction was “Nope – that’s just setting leaders up to fail.”

If we’re honest, we’re probably not doing all of the things we’ve learned that we should be doing in our groups. People connect and grow together regularly through some form of fellowship, Bible study and prayer in most groups. Far fewer develop a plan for building in other spiritual practices, different expressions of worship, and outreach to make a group experience well-rounded, or dare I say, “Balanced!”

Over time, however, “balance” for me became less about maintaining perfect equilibrium, and more about planning ahead on how you can incorporate activities that are commonly omitted from group life, but vital to the health of it. You need to have a plan to have balance.

The group leader is the person responsible for driving the process of developing a plan with the group about how they will be intentional about including spiritual practices that do not normally occur in their gatherings. I’ll share a few pointers on how group leaders can lay the groundwork for balance by planning ahead for it followed by practical ways members can pursue balanced group life together.

Laying the Groundwork for Balance

Pray – The most powerful thing you can do to facilitate the work of the Holy Spirit in people’s lives is to pray specifically for your group members to exercise faith and take steps to grow ever closer to Jesus!
Have a Sidekick – You need a close companion who sees the vision of balanced group life and understands the “why” behind it before you share it with the group. This is important because you need feedback and somebody who is in the room with you affirming the dream as you share it with everyone.
Maximize your Kick-off – Be highly-relational, but very strategic during your first session of a new study or season as a group. Get to know each other better, but be sure to discover how each person would like to grow as a result of being part of your group. Help them unearth their spiritual growth goals before diving into curriculum.
Have a “Locker Room Talk” – Before an important game, a coach will get the players fired up by telling them why he sees them being victorious and what they need to do to get there. Is a group’s life together any less important? Of course not!
- Start by explaining how a well-rounded group will support each member’s personal transformation and help everyone grow stronger spiritually. Then share how the Lord has a purpose in each one playing a part in fulfilling it because of how He has gifted them (more on that in a moment).
- This builds buy-in to the vision, increased participation in living it out together, and consequently, the group will have healthy longevity and greater impact.

Balancing Group Life Together

Serving Together – Engage in a service project or group outreach at least once per season / semester. Present this idea at the outset of your group and schedule it in advance. You might choose to do this in place of your group meeting for a week.
Worship Together – Click HERE to access ideas for “Unleashing Creative Group Worship.”
Remembering Together – Celebrate communion once per season / semester – Talk with your church’s leadership to learn about how you can do this in your group.
Confession – Some spiritual breakthroughs necessitate confession, which opens the way for God’s light to shine on the dark places sin wants to remain hidden. As a group deepens its bonds with one another, subgroup by gender to minister to one another. Refer to Ed Stetzer’s article on “Accountability Questions” for examples that you can select and use in your own group.
Spiritual Gifts – If you believe that every Christ-follower has been graced with spiritual gifts to build up one another as the Church then don’t you think He has a purpose in them for your group (1 Cor 12:7)? Group members provide the necessary feedback and encouragement for one another to identify their God-given spiritual gifts and begin to use them in faith and boldness. Step-by-step guidance for group leaders on how to have conversations to help members find and use their spiritual gifts can be found HERE.

This last point is a master key to balanced discipleship in your group. Maybe the Lord has a unique purpose for every group that is unique to it based on the supernatural composition of spiritual gifts represented in its group members. Maybe every group has its own divine palette of colors that can be mixed together to produce a one-of-a-kind work of art to the glory of God.

If this is so, it stands to reason that a group will experience “balance” as each member of it works in concert with one another to make his or her own special contribution to God’s mission in the world. Group leaders can catch a vision for unlocking balanced disciple-making when they tap into the spiritual growth goals and gifts the Lord has planted in their group members.

Reid Smith has been equipping leaders in churches of all sizes and stages of growth for effective disciple-making since 1996. He currently serves as a Pastor of Groups at Christ Fellowship in Palm Beach County, FL and has been a contributing author for various publications, including LifeWay’s Ministry Grid. Learn more about how to start and multiply healthy groups throughout your church at www.reidsmith.org.

Church Leadership

February 25, 2019

When Panicky People Go To Small Groups

By Group Ministry

by Scarlet Hiltibidal

I had just started taking brain medicine again for my hyperventilations. I’d grown up with anxiety—anxiety that was so crippling at times that it landed me in the hospital as a child and in urgent care as an adult. Anxiety that had led me, during one season, to step out of a small group leadership position because I didn’t feel capable of leading.

So, I was dealing with debilitating panic (again) in this particular season. I found myself (again) in an office with a sound machine, (again) picking up a prescription that would, as I knew from some experience, help me stop panicking. My response to all these anxiety-related agains was to become very hermit-like and refuse to tell people about my situation.

I felt ashamed. Leading a small group again was the furthest thing from my mind. Instead, I just attended one and mostly kept my mouth shut.

But, here’s the beautiful thing. When I finally opened my mouth and shared my struggle, I wasn’t mocked or shunned and kicked out of the group. I was given grace and love. A moment of vulnerability that could have caused yet another run of panic instead brought peace. It was special and powerful.

If you are a small group leader who struggles with anxiety or panic disorders, or if you lead people who do (chances are this is always the case), here are three things I’d encourage you to keep in mind as you lead your group.

Lead with Vulnerability

A former pastor of mine, Josh Howerton, spoke a lot about “going below the line of shame.” He would encourage our congregation, as they met together in small groups throughout the week, to share, not just surfacey or relateable struggles, but to go below that line we all have, the line that makes us question, If I share this, will I still be accepted? Will I still be loved?

The reason he encouraged this in our church body was because he knew the truth and beauty of a Biblical community centered around applying the gospel and living in the light.

“But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” — 1 John 1:7

This is completely transformational — believers exposing and turning from their sin in Biblical community. We should share our sins, our struggles and the “agains” that are trying to crush our hearts.

When I was walking through that season of medicating my panic and trying to hide it, I finally decided to share. It felt impossible to even let the words leave my mouth, because I assumed I was more broken than everyone else in the room.

But, my small group surprised me by not being surprised. Instead, they were kind and loving, and my willingness to share about this struggle that embarrassed me, prompted others to share theirs.

If you are the group leader and anxiety is an issue in your life, sharing it really sets the tone for your group to look to you, not as a “perfect” or “together” leader, but as a co-laborer who understands struggle, just like they do.

Lead with Hope

In the past, I’ve been part of unhealthy small groups that were basically clusters of people who would open in prayer, complain for fifteen minutes each, and say, “See you next week!”

It is so healthy to share struggles within the context of a small group, but it is vital that the tone of the group be one of gospel hope and encouragement. As a small group leader, you can be intentional about steering your group members away from negativity and toward hope.

If they battle anxiety, your group can spend some time sharing verses of comfort and hope. I would also encourage group leaders to make it a point to always end your time together reflecting on the finished work of Jesus..

This is what our lives are about and this is the way we should lead one another — to share our burdens, but look to the cross.

Lead by Listening

I think it’s really important for a group leader to be open and share struggles, as a way of encouraging other members of the group to do the same, but a group leader should definitely not be the only person talking.

Once you’ve shared your own struggles and how you apply the gospel to it, listen to the other members of your group. Let them process through their feelings and questions, but don’t just leave it there. Don’t simply wrap it up with a “Let’s pray.” In a small group setting, you have this beautiful opportunity to take sin and struggles of all kinds to the Bible. You have this guide that we hide in our hearts. Share the worries. Then, share the Word.

Don’t be afraid to confess your struggles, and always, always, always, point your own self and your people to the hope of the world, our Jesus, who died to defeat everything we’re afraid of.

Scarlet Hiltibidal is the author of Afraid of All the Things and He Numbered the Pores on My Face. She also writes a regular column for ParentLife magazine. She loves sign language with her daughters, nachos by herself, writing for her friends, and learning how to be a pretend-farmer with her husband in Middle Tennessee.

Church Leadership

February 14, 2019

3 Ways to Approach Dating within Your Small Group

By Deborah Spooner

Imagine this: you’re single. You’re Christian. You’re not getting any younger. And you’re in a church small group.

Does such a scenario give you a little anxiety?

From asking someone out and then having to face them again at group, to feeling the pressure to be ready to marry the person before going on a second date, the waters are dangerous. As the average age for marriage in America continues to rise, the stakes are even higher. For Christians, we add the factor that we feel the need to find our perfect ministry partner to catalyze our own faith and change the world.

How do we deal with this elephant in the room of singleness within Christian small groups while not crushing our cherished community?

Dive deeper

Recently, I’ve had conversations which have echoed each other: talks with Christian women in their mid-to-late twenties who are still single and feeling scared, tired, frustrated, and confused that their mingling hasn’t produced a ring. Panic ensues.

But it’s not just that they want a man and picket fence. There’s much more happening on a deeper level: shame. Sitting at a coffee shop doing a Bible study, we talked about “things in our life we wish were there” and skirted around the subject until someone came out and finally said it: “I wish I were married. And I know Jesus is enough, but if I’m real, I want more. And I’m starting to wonder if I’m even enough for anyone to want me.” This mirrored another situation in my small group as the subject was again avoided until someone said it: “Yeah, we’re talking about praying for big things, but many of us around this room have a prayer that hasn’t been answered. We’re still single. How do we deal with this?”

There’s also shame around talking about singleness and even admitting that, when single people walk into a room full of Christians, you can guess what’s one of the first things on their minds: the opposite sex. And since our minds are supposed to be fixed on Christ, no one wants to talk about how they’re prone to wander.

I could go on. There are also questions of what prayer really means in face of unanswered prayers. There’s the reality of ealousy of others who have something we want. There’s the nsecurity in the way we are. There’s the doubts because of seemingly irredeemable issues in the past..

There’s a lot beneath the surface. If we want to handle singleness well in our small groups, we need to be willing to go deep, to dig into what’s at the root of and tied to the word “single.”

Do more

Often, when we feel awkward with a topic or know it’s delicate (or just flat out don’t want to deal with its depths), we start to do less. We don’t talk about it in group. We don’t talk about it with people in our groups when we’re meeting outside of the group time. We don’t even pray for it. If we minimize contact with the issue, we minimize the damage done, right? Not necessarily.

What would Christ do when he knew something mattered to the people around Him? Not avoid it. Instead, he’d seek to meet people where they were with this need they had. Often, this topic needs to be addressed in some way with your group. To do so, get to know the specifics of your group. How many are single? How many are married? And what are they feeling, thinking, and needing with this topic?

Handling this topic better in your small groups means doing more digging: digging into the individual concerns, pains, and joys. Then, you have options of what to do next. It could mean many different results: What would it look like to dedicate a specific night of small group to talk about singleness and marriage, or having a Q&A session between those married and not? What would it look like to dedicate time specifically to pray for the marriages of people in your group and to pray for the singles? What would it look like to ask more intentional questions to specific group members about the topic of singleness and marriage, and then build it into your small group schedule or have a separate night to talk through your group’s specific challenges?

Often through doing just a little more,, we can relieve the pressure and actually start making progress.

Don’t be afraid (or selfish)

Singles need the group’s leadership to step out when it comes to this topic. They need leaders who first know the pulse of the group and can see how much or little may need to be said, but also leaders who are not afraid of diving into difficult and delicate topics. They need leaders of action and not just words. Do you see people in your small group that really maybe should go on a date, even if this could mean an awkward few weeks if things don’t work out? Try encouraging them to do so. Do some single people in your group really need mentorship around this topic right now, and maybe you see a married man or woman in your group who could step in and fill that role? Try asking if they’ll invest in others in this way. Has dating become the only focus of your group and you need to recenter your group back to a focus on Christ and not only on each other? Try bringing the focus back.

More deeply understanding your group and moving through the fear to action can be hard and takes time. As leaders, we sometimes don’t have much time and often have had not wonderful experiences ourselves. Maybe we’ve been burned in a dating relationship. Maybe we’ve been single, then married, then divorced and just feel too burnout or inadequate to speak into the topic. Maybe we think it’s not that big of a deal and people just overcomplicate things. But, we can’t stay silent and comfortable when we see a need. We just can’t take that selfish route, whether that means moving past pride or insecurity (or both).

Don’t be afraid of stepping on toes. Don’t be afraid that you have nothing to offer. Don’t be afraid that this is an over-talked about topic.

Have the courage to know your group and to know your group’s needs. Then, dive deep. And, do something.

Deborah Spooner is a Minnesota-born analytical creative serving as a Marketing Strategist for LifeWay’s Groups Ministry. As a pastor’s daughter with a background in Digital Communications and Media and Biblical & Theological Studies, you can find her at her local church, in deep conversation, or with a book or pen in hand as she seeks to know Christ more and make Him known.

Church Leadership

February 12, 2019

3 Ways to Get Your Group Members to Stay

By Dwayne McCrary

What can we do to create a sticky group, one where people return and stay? If the research conducted by Dr. Rainer holds true (see that post here) there are a few big things we can do as Bible study leaders to get people to return and stay.

Involve them.

First of all, we can involve them in the life of the group. Most groups have a core that does most of the work of planning the parties, making the coffee, and keeping up with absentees. I realize some may feel like they earned the role, but what keeps us from finding more ways of involving people in the work of the group? One way of involving new group members is allowing them to be greeters. This allows them to meet everyone who attends while still being aware of the needs of new people joining the group.

We can also be intentional about involving everyone in the actual study time. Allowing discussion to take place in smaller groups, crafting questions that don’t assume prior participation, and asking people prior to the group time to read a passage or lead a breakout discussion are actions that will go a long way toward creating a sticky group.

Feed them.

Whatever you call your groups, everyone attending expects there to be Bible study. If the purpose of your group is not built around Bible study, then you may need to rethink what you call your group and why you meet. Most of us have been in groups that are focused on football scores, political debates, and personal stories. We could get that from most service organizations. If it is a Bible study group, then the Bible ought to be front and center.

Beyond studying the Bible, we can help our group members understand how to better use Bible study tools. We can show them how to use a Bible concordance or Bible dictionary as opposed to simply telling them what we found. Better yet, we could hand a Bible dictionary to a group member and walk them through the steps of using the resource. The way we lead the group time matters.

Treat them like people.

Most of us have attended a class or group where we felt more like an item than a person. We received a different kind of name tag, were asked to do things no one else was asked to do (like being the only one asked to introduce yourself to the group), or being the only one without a study guide. As the leader, we need to think of our group as a set of individuals who happen to be in a group. Groups tend to be viewed like an institution, losing individual personality in the process.

In effect, we are fostering an open group culture by the way we as the leaders treat all attendees of our groups. Groups easily become closed without even trying. We may allow new people to join us and still be closed by how we as a group treat them. Our treating each individual as a valued person will help move others to do the same.

What actions have you found helpful for getting people to stick in your group?

Dwayne McCrary is a project team leader for ongoing adult Bible study resources at LifeWay, including the adult Explore the Bible resources. He also teaches an adult group and preschool group every Sunday in the church he attends.

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