Group Dynamics

March 2, 2021

Eight Keys for Building a Community Culture

By Reid Smith

Culture is something you feel. Every group of people and organization has a distinct culture. It’s the water in which you swim when you’re hanging out in an environment or with a group of people. It’s what you experience through all your senses when you are gathered with others who are a part of it.

For example, you are experiencing more than just coffee when you sit inside a Starbucks. There is a culture that has been intentionally and artistically created to entice customers to return and build brand loyalty. Although our motivations differ, church leadership want people to return and consistently engage in their community life for infinitely more important reasons.

Pastors love it when people say their church feels like family. It’s always a win when folks say they feel like they belong and enjoy connecting with others each week. However, most leaders are not conscious about all the factors that make it that way. The DNA of culture must be deliberately molded, and just like a potter with clay, it is best to do this at the very beginning of a new work.

Regardless of where you would consider yourself in building a community culture in your church, here are eight keys I’ve discovered along the way that will help in this process:

Discern God’s plan for building community in your church and reaching your surrounding community with the power of the Good News. It’s safe to assume the Lord is already at work building His Church where you minister and your primary job is to figure out how that’s happening. Invariably, this will be through a community of two or more people pursuing Christ together. So how is God already moving in your midst to reach the lost?
Decide together with your core leadership team how everyone will prioritize community and relationship-building. How will each one live it and lead it? The involvement of pastoral leadership in a church’s community life is the linchpin to the ongoing growth of biblical community. There is no substitute for what the most influential and visible people in the church model and advocate, particularly on the weekend.
Don’t allow groups to be viewed as simply another ministry program/department of the church or to be perceived as something that “good Christians” do. A programmatic paradigm can be lethal to organic community. It is not groups that we’re after ultimately…it’s what happens in them. Biblical community empowers believers and churches to function as the Body of Christ should (Rom 12:4-5; 1 Cor 12:21-27).
Dedicate resources to building community. Invest time, energy, and money into the leaders and resources that serve as the life-source of community in your church. By virtue of resourcing this area of your church, you will be enhancing all areas. There is no short-cut to healthy ministry, which flows out of healthy relationships.
Discover who is gifted in communications and beat the drum of community every chance you get. You want to show and tell people what you believe about the importance of biblical community to their spiritual growth and well being. Use all forms of communication: platform, print, digital, visual, and stories to convey what God is doing through the community-life of your church.
Design a community-life calendar and include no less than three church-wide opportunities per year for people to get plugged in. Present new ways for people to get connected in new types of groups. Feature existing groups and new group start ups in your weekend announcements, website, social media platforms, slides, etc.
Determine that every event you host or program you run will be used as an opportunity to help people take their next step toward greater engagement in your church’s community life. Churches tend to pour a lot of time and energy into planning events while the next steps for people to take is an afterthought. Flip this. When events are built around a clear next step, more people are inspired to actually do something and you’ll see measurable fruit from your organized activities.
Devote yourself to building a community culture. The journey will be filled with successes and set-backs, but stay with it! Study churches that do this well and read books by leaders you respect who are community-building champions. Attend groups conferences in-person or online and include other staff and key volunteers. In other words, be a learner and bring others along with you. Never settle.

This is all worth doing wholeheartedly because healthy spiritual relationships are essential to having a growing relationship with Jesus Christ (Hebrews 10:24-25; 1 John 1:7, 3:14, 4:20). Furthermore, when spiritually lost people come to a loving community, they tend to come to Christ (Acts 2:47; John 13:34; 1 John 4:12). Building a community culture is not optional for a church that wants to advance God’s mission in the world and these keys will help you and your team in the process.

Reid Smith has been equipping leaders in churches of all sizes and stages of growth for effective disciple-making since 1996. He lives in Wellington, Florida where he serves as a Groups Pastor at Christ Fellowship. You can find more of his helpful resources at www.reidsmith.org.

Group Leadership

February 4, 2021

CPR for Small Group Ministry

By Group Ministry

By Reid Smith

One of the greatest mistakes made by church leaders who want to reintroduce or reinvigorate a small group ministry is to make their first step an announcement from the pulpit. This well-intentioned step can have catastrophic results if those who had a less-than-favorable experience feel disregarded, retired leadership feel dismissed, and residual leadership (if any) feel disrespected. There is a critical pre-game plan that must be executed in private before going public. The life-saving practice of CPR offers a helpful pattern to follow.

When an unconscious or unresponsive person is being revived using CPR, it is vital for the person helping to follow the A-B-C steps for resuscitating another person:

AIRWAY – Open the airway
BREATHING – Breathe air into the opened airway
CIRCULATION – Perform cycles of breaths & chest compressions to restore the victim

There are equivalents for each of these steps when it comes to restoring life to your small group ministry. As with actual CPR, it is very important to follow them in order. Many church leaders unknowingly engage these steps in the reverse order (C-B-A). This can have devastating consequences for the ministry at large.

The first step in CPR is to make sure the victim’s AIRWAY is clear from any obstructions. The one responding to the emergency is to look, listen, and feel for breathing. The parallel for those who are trying to resuscitate community life through small groups is to look for, listen to, and feel out your past, present, and future small group leadership. Conversation opens the airway.

AIRWAY – Learning from your past, present, and future small group leadership

PAST: Set-up conversations over coffee with those who were key leaders (e.g. coaches and long-term leaders) and significant voices of influence in the past and ask for their input. It is very important to do the following in each of your meetings:
- Be sincere in expressing appreciation for their past involvement and inviting honest feedback. Then be humble and listen intently to what they tell you.
- Be discerning about who is supportive of you and the attempt to restart the small group ministry. There will be some who express support but are not personally ready to take part in reintroducing a small group ministry…and that’s okay!
- Beware of those who do not seem to have anything positive to say and use their conversation with you to vent negativity. Thank them for their input and move on. It may do more harm to try to win these people over. Your goal is not to gain everyone’s acceptance and enthusiastic approval. Your goal is to get the RIGHT people on your team. Having the wrong people on your team obstructs the airway and renders the next two steps ineffective.

Have phone conversations with the other leaders and volunteers who were involved in the past for a shorter term. It is well worth your time to interface personally with every past leader and this effort on your part will mean a lot to them. Regardless of whether they are optimistic, ambivalent, or skeptical, you will learn a lot from these people even when they are not ready to jump on-board with the new effort. They will also likely appreciate the respect you have shown by initiating conversation and inviting feedback.

2. PRESENT: Acknowledge those who are still involved. Commend them for their commitment and include them in your future planning. Ask them for their input as well by using the same tips above. Invite them to join you for a vision-casting experience that will include emerging small group leadership. Note: Where present leaders remain involved, it is important that you do NOT convey that you are starting something completely new to replace the past small group ministry. Rather, you are continuing to build upon the foundation of the biblical community the Lord has already established. This honors what God has done and may still be doing through these present leaders, and it shows respect for their continued loving service.

3. FUTURE: Review your church’s master list of members with your senior pastor. Highlight the names of those who have been or are presently involved. Next highlight the names of those you and your senior pastor think are good prospective leaders. As before, arrange sit-down conversations with people you would like to invite into further responsibility.

1. Whether you talk by phone or in person with prospective leaders, explain…
  1. What you are presenting (tell them what their role looks like as a facilitator)
  2. Why they specifically came to mind as a potential small group leader
  3. What their group might look like and how it fits into the overarching vision of your church
2. Dream with them about possibilities and give them the freedom of choosing a focus they are excited about (we are all called to be community-builders!)
3. Clearly communicate expectations
  1. Essential responsibilities
  2. Project the time commitment involved
  3. Suggest beginning with a shorter duration
  4. Request participation in a vision-casting event and initial training
4. Clarify that you (or a coach) will be with them every step of the way
5. Set a specific time to follow-up

BREATHING – Including all the leaders in a vision-casting experience

After you have opened the airway by carrying out your pre-game plan with the emerging leadership, the next step in resuscitating the small group ministry is to bring all those who have expressed openness to restarting the small group ministry together to cast fresh vision by communicating your church’s…

Mission and core values
Vision of how small groups will further your church’s mission by fueling the growth of biblical community
History with small groups and what you have learned from earlier attempts (based on feedback you have received from a number of leaders)
Belief in the importance of small groups and the benefits that come from them
Current and projected need for small groups to ensure healthy church growth
Renewed definition of a small group and support structure for the ministry
Dream of what the new small group ministry looks like in action
Ongoing plan for training, resourcing, and supporting your new community of leaders

The third step in CPR involves restoring breathing and sometimes even circulation to the unresponsive victim. Like people, small group ministries can have faint breath or no breath, irregular circulation or no pulse. Take heart! The Lord wants you and the community of your church to experience His resurrection life. Furthermore, He wants the community life of your church to explode out and impact your surrounding community. Jesus will build biblical community in your local church as He builds His Church!

CIRCULATION – Reintroducing small groups through public communication

One mistake leaders make when relaunching small group ministry is going public prematurely. Do not circumvent the process of securing and uniting your new community of leaders with the fresh vision that will undergird your new attempt. Your small group leadership community provides the necessary backbone to this church-wide initiative, especially when there is a history of unsatisfactory results. In other words, you need to have your team together before game time. This provides confidence for the whole congregation that the necessary groundwork of preparing a new small group leadership group has already been done.

When it comes to reintroducing small groups as a church-wide ministry, it is vital the senior pastor joins with the small group ministry staff (paid or not) in communicating the new vision. Earlier attempts at small group ministry that never really took root can oftentimes leave a bad aftertaste. Hearing the philosophical “why’s” directly from the senior pastor and the fresh, practical “how’s” from those leading the new effort can help to neutralize this distaste.

There are a couple of things the senior pastor should recognize: 1) The past attempt(s) and the leadership’s appreciation for all of those who were involved and 2) The new attempt and how it is different. As a continuation of explaining the why behind small groups it is also important for the senior pastor to communicate why the church values small groups, why they are so important to the church’s mission, and why it is vital for everyone to be involved. The communication of opportunities for people to connect into a small group may be done by the small group/discipleship pastor once the why foundation has been laid by the senior pastor.

Another strategy that dissipates the bad aftertaste of earlier small group ministry short-comings is to talk about group life in the context of seasons or semesters. In other words, say “The first season of our small group ministry will look like such-and-such.” This lets the church know you are asking for a shorter-term commitment to begin with. It also affords you the flexibility to change tact from season-to-season in order to remain relevant for the ever-changing make-up and needs of your church community.

The other advantage to doing this is it gives you a “new excuse” to talk about small groups in a big way two to three times per year. Regardless, a key principle to ensuring the success of restarting your church’s small group ministry is to keep groups in front of your people. Give your newly-fashioned small group ministry plenty of “face time.” Advertise new groups, highlight existing ones, encourage people to connect. Talk about groups regularly in front of the whole church. Doing so shows the value you place on them.

Restarting an unresponsive person’s circulation usually requires some cyclical repetition of breathing and chest compressions. Likewise, there can be some repetition to the application of this third step of CPR to restoring life to your small group ministry by feeding your emerging small group ministry fresh communication and different opportunities for people to connect. Stay creative in helping people to connect and grow together in Christ! Networking with other like-minded churches and sharing creative ideas and resources helps this process.

A person who is revived through CPR does not immediately spring back to their feet and take off running. Similarly, a small group ministry that has life restored to it needs to be nurtured and nursed back to full health over time. It requires careful and clear communication. It requires consistency in prayer and the promotion of small groups in your church’s weekend life. And it requires a united leadership front and an openness to new seasons of community life that connect with your church’s mission. If you follow the A-B-C steps for restoring life to your small group ministry, the odds are strongly in favor of revival and real impact on your surrounding community.

Group Answers Podcast

January 13, 2021

Group Answers Episode 187: Leading in a Deeply Divided World

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Chris talks to Will Johnston about how we navigate tough conversations in our groups, especially after the events of January 6.

Will Johnston is the Director of Build Community at Eastside Community Church in Anaheim, California. Will graduated from Wheaton College with a degree in theology, did a two-and-a-half year stint on Capitol Hill, and then joined the staff of National Community Church in Washington D.C., where he oversaw small groups.

The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in Lifeway’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at Lifeway and author of Leading Small Groups.

Group Answers Podcast

December 9, 2020

Group Answers Episode 182: The Future of Sunday School with Ken Braddy

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Chris, Brian, and Ken discuss what Sunday School might look like in 2021 and beyond.

Ken Braddy is Lifeway’s Director of Sunday School and manager of adult ongoing Bible studies. He blogs regularly about Sunday school and groups at kenbraddy.com.

Questions Discussed

What are some of the trends that you are seeing?
What will be the major obstacles?
What are some tools churches can use to help groups start strong in 2021?
Will we ever be back to “normal”?

Group Leadership

November 9, 2020

Ten Ways to Welcome Seekers into Your Group

By Group Ministry

By Reid Smith

The best groups are high in health and impact for God’s Kingdom. For both to be true, a small group leader must be prepared to welcome people into their group’s life regardless of where they are at in their commitment to Christ and His Church. We reflect the beauty and greatness of our God when we accept one another just as Christ accepted us (Romans 15:7).

The more small group leaders know how to welcome and encourage people who are seeking truth and reaching out to God (whether they realize it or not) the more effective they will be with engaging them with the gospel in transformational ways. To that end, here’s ten recommendations for how you can welcome spiritual seekers, build relationships with them, and inspire everyone to grow in their relationship with Jesus!

Don’t assume. Consider newcomers as seekers until you learn otherwise. Believers who are new to a Christian gathering tend to convey something about their faith/church commitment up front. If they do not, chances are they either do not have a relationship with God or may not have a strong one. It’s important to avoid making assumptions about what your guests believe. Rather, look for ways to affirm the truth God has already started to impart to them as Paul did in Athens (Acts 17:22-23, 28-29).
Be a connector. Warmly introduce seekers into your small group and connect them with a few people as they come in, helping them to strike up conversations before your study begins. If possible, learn a little about them before they show up to their first meeting as this will help you to introduce them to others in a more personal way. Do your best to remember facts they share about who they are, their family and friends, and how they found your group. Use what you know about them to ignite conversations with other group members. The likelihood of seekers returning increases by at least 50% if they experience a sense of belonging through connection with others.
Empower them. Find out what subjects your truth-seeking guests have an enthusiasm or expertise in and talk about that! People like to talk about things they know about. Seekers will feel more empowered and comfortable talking about things of interest to them. If you listen with interest, you will show that you are interested in them as people and they won’t feel like a project.
Introduce your group. Take a minute on the front end to say what your small group is about and invite input from others so that guests can get exposure to some of the other personalities present. In a small group situation, most people prefer to get a good feel of the dynamic before jumping into the discussion. The more free people feel to participate, the more likely it is they will return.
Include and affirm. Prioritize seekers in your small group time by making it a goal to help them feel safe and a valued part of the gathering. Look for ways to include them socially and affirm any contribution they make to the conversation. One of the simplest ways of helping a newcomer feel ‘at home’ in your small group is to repeatedly call them by their first name. Express appreciation for their input. When seekers say something that does not harmonize with Scripture, don’t be surprised or correct them. Rather, be positive and say something like, “Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!” Discipleship happens through trust-filled relationships that develop over time.
Break it down. Use relational terms to explain theological concepts in your Bible study. For example, salvation is having a relationship with Christ or being friends with God now and forever. Redemption is Jesus helping us to connect with God and know Him. Do your best to stay away from Christian jargon.
Don’t over-accommodate. Most newcomers like to be acknowledged but may not like to stand out or be spotlighted in front of a group…so don’t focus on them. If you keep things normal, your small group will feel more natural and comfortable to them. You can be sensitive to your small group’s form without changing its function. Be yourself and allow the group to be itself. Don’t hesitate to pray or worship in your group if seekers are present. Sometimes this is exactly what God uses to gather lost people to Himself (see Acts 2:46-47.) If somebody needs prayer, pray for them. If you are planning to worship, just do it. Don’t attempt to explain it for seekers. They likely want to see things how they really are and would rather not have you disrupt the flow of what you do on their account.
Talk about being difference makers. Healthy groups have regular conversations about how they can be Jesus’ hands and feet and impact our world with His love and message. Don’t miss the opportunity to demonstrate to seekers in your midst that you genuinely want to show God’s love to people and make a difference in your community. Have that conversation spontaneously or just say you would like to talk about it next time. This allows you to revisit your group’s commitment to evangelism and shows spiritual seekers that your group is…
- Outward-thinking and it’s not all about those in your small group—this actually helps guests feel safer because it makes the communal nature of your group feel less cultic and more caring.
- Serious about making a commitment to share God’s love and grace to a waiting world. People want their lives to make a positive impact on others. This helps them to see that your small group can help toward this goal, making group time a worthwhile investment of their time.
Have a soft landing and end on a high note. When you have truth-seeking guests, leave plenty of time for people to socialize at the tail end of your group. Newcomers tend to be interested in being more personal toward the end of a group than the beginning. This will give time to connect your small group members to guests further and have fun and relaxed conversations. Also, studies show that when something ends positively the entire experience becomes a good memory for people, and one they are more apt to repeat. In private, let newcomers know how much you appreciated them coming and that you really hope you get to see them again!
Don’t hesitate to follow-up. Let your guests know you hope to see them again! If a seeker came with somebody, encourage their friend to welcome them back. Sometimes small group leaders hold off from following up in this way because they are afraid of being intrusive or coming across as pushy. Most guests appreciate this act of kindness and it makes your small group more inviting overall. If you do not risk the remote possibility of coming across as intrusive in your follow-up, newcomers may feel like they are intruding. Revisit prayer needs when you follow-up with them by naturally weaving them into your conversation. This shows you were listening and that you care.

You want group members to have more than permission to invite their friends…let them know you WANT them to invite their friends. This attitude is one of the greatest contributing factors to a small group making an evangelistic impact. Small groups can and should always serve to encourage personal outreach.

A small group that has an open home, open hearts, and open hands is a group that is replete with life-giving possibilities. By following the ten recommendations above, you will create an environment where the hospitality of biblical community will receive and reach many spiritual seekers for Jesus Christ!

Group Leadership

November 5, 2020

Three Guidelines for Talking About the Election in Your Group

By Group Ministry

By Will Johnston

I once convinced someone to switch to my political party by berating their beliefs and saying that they must be stupid if they didn’t come around to my way of thinking.

Find that hard to believe?

Me too. It didn’t happen. I’ve actually never seen that strategy work, although that doesn’t seem to stop people from trying it out.

There’s a good chance that your small group members don’t all agree on politics. Even if you think they do, they might not actually. I’ve got friends who are tight-lipped about their politics because they live in an area where their livelihoods would be impacted if they were too open.

Things are crazy right now. We’re all a little unsettled. We’re not sure what direction our country is going or how this election season is going to play out.

You’ve probably heard the old adage to avoid discussing religion and politics in polite company, but small group isn’t polite company. At it’s best, it’s the people we can be the most real with, and politics has a real impact on our lives. It matters, and if it matters, then it’s fair game for groups.

That doesn’t mean every group needs to discuss politics, but you should be ready in case it comes up. Here are three simple guidelines to keep your group discussion from going the way of the comments on nearly every Facebook post about politics.

Focus on “I” rather than “you” or “they.”

Keep the conversation focused on who each person supports, why they support them, and even why they don’t support the other person. For example:

“I supported Donald Trump because I think he has the best plan for XYZ.”
“I voted for Joe Biden because I believe he better reflects ABC.”
“My concern about Trump/Biden is that he DEF, and I think that reveals some character issues.”
“I understand why you would vote for Trump/Biden because of his position on HIJ, but I think XYZ is a higher priority, so that’s why I voted for Biden/Trump.

What we want to avoid are statements that disparage the other person or their positions and shut down discussion. For example:

“I just don’t see how a Christian could support Donald Trump/Joe Biden. He’s for XYZ!”
“All Christians should support Donald Trump/Joe Biden because ABC!”
“Democrats/Republicans are for DEF, and that’s just plain ungodly.”
“Jesus cares about HIJ, so Christians should support Democrats/Republicans.”

Do you see the difference there? The first set of statements expresses what I think and why I think it. The second set of statements tells everyone else that they have to agree with me.

Jesus called us to unity, not to a political party.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be Republicans, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

I love those words from Jesus, praying that we would all be Republicans so that the world may believe. Or wait… was it Democrats? Did Jesus pray we would be Democrats?

Look, I think politics is important. I used to work on Capitol Hill. I truly believe that it matters. But ultimately, Jesus called me to follow Him, and he called me to unity with other followers, even the ones I disagree with politically.

At the end of the day, the world will see there’s something different about us when we can love people with whom we disagree because of the love of Jesus.

Pray.

I probably should have started with “pray,” but the truth is we may not be able to open every discussion on politics that happens in our group with prayer. Regardless, we can pray for our group’s unity ahead of time, just like Jesus prayed for the Church’s unity.

And when a political conversation starts up in our groups, we can pray silently that the words of our group members would be infused with love. We can pray that those nervous to share their thoughts would have the courage to do so, and that those who are outspoken would have the love and humility required to listen.

And sometimes, if a political discussion looks like it might heat up too much, you just might need to stop everyone, pray, and lay out some ground rules for the discussion. Feel free to use points one and two above.

Will Johnston is the Director of Build Community at Eastside Community Church in Anaheim, California. Will graduated from Wheaton College with a degree in theology, did a two-and-a-half year stint on Capitol Hill, and then joined the staff of National Community Church in Washington D.C., where he oversaw small groups.

Group Answers Podcast

November 4, 2020

Group Leadership

November 2, 2020

Avoiding Pitfalls in Group Dynamics

By Group Ministry

By Reid Smith

Community is messy business! Having differences in a small group, acknowledging disappointments and hurt feelings, and running up against frustrations and challenges are all part of moving to deeper maturity in community and Christlikeness. In fact, conflict can be the very thing that helps your group to break through to new levels of honesty and freedom in Christ.

When you trace Christ’s interactions with the Pharisees, His reaction at the Temple with the money changers, and some exchanges with the disciples, it becomes clear that Jesus did not avoid conflict. The New Testament does not gloss over the reality of conflict in community. However, God’s Word makes a difference between constructive conflict and pitfalls like senseless quarreling (Prov 20:3; Rom 14:19; Eph 4:25-32; 2 Tim 2:23-24).

There will be a mixture of personalities and gifts that will surface in your small group. Sometimes the dynamic that is created will function as a conduit of God’s healing love and peace. Other times, people will feel friction as fellow believers challenge them to turn from complacency and sin and move toward complete commitment to Jesus Christ. Both of these scenarios are great, and we should pray for them to occur. However, there will be times when conflict and confusion arise because of ignorance, insensitivity, or quarreling over petty issues, etc.

Let’s take a look at some of the more common pitfalls and how to avoid them so that your small group can be a safe place where grace reigns and authentic biblical community can grow.

Don’t Tolerate Bickering Over Trivial Issues

Don’t allow abstract theological arguments to ensue over technical points of doctrine or trivial matters (1 Tim 1:3-7, 6:3-5; 2 Tim 2:23; Titus 3:9). This doesn’t help to build a healthy small group dynamic and it’s a turnoff to those just getting started in their relationship with God. You can ask those who tend to enjoy this to debate outside of your regular group time. Intellectualism is a good thing and can enrich your small group. However, unless it is coupled with “why” and “how” application questions, it is not beneficial in a mixed group dynamic. Promote safety and err toward discussion over debate. Maintain the highest level of awareness toward those with the lowest level of biblical literacy.

Beware the “Introversion and Argumentation Correlation”

Petty conflict frequently signals that your small group has turned in on itself. For example, if your group is more concerned with the signs and times of the end of the world then with bringing in the harvest before Jesus returns, there’s a good chance your group has gotten off track. At times you will need to dredge the bottom of your small group’s stream so it can flow again by turning the focus of people away from themselves. The best way to do this is to engage in outreach together.

What if someone begins promoting false theology?

There is a difference between someone saying something that happens to be erroneous (most of the times this is the case) and someone who is actually promoting false theology. If a person is doing the latter, address it head-on (1 Tim 1:18-19; 2 Tim 3:16-17; Titus 1:9, 2:1; Jude 1:3-4). The Bible is the Word of God (Gal 1:11-12; 2 Tim 3:14-17; 2 Pet 1:20-21, 3:15-16). For this reason, the Scriptures need to be the standard of truth in all of your small group discussions. It’s important you show love and grace in how you do this. Here are some pointers for dealing with biblical misinterpretations or false theology that’s shared aloud in your small group:

Ask the person to clarify what they’re really saying—you might even restate it for them: “Are you saying that….am I hearing you correctly?”
Ask them to show you scriptural support for what they’re saying. Oftentimes, this will bring a halt to it. If they try to justify their position, invite your co-leader or other trusted group members into the conversation by asking them, “What do you think about this?”
Gently but firmly express the truth and if possible support what you share with a biblical reference and bring closure to the matter—don’t let the individual’s misunderstanding derail the whole meeting. If they are in fact promoting something other than the truth—connect with them privately outside of your group time and be direct in asking them not to do it again. If they’re contentious, contact your coach for support.

Encourage “I” Statements vs. “You” Statements

When restating what a person is saying or when handling conflict, begin by saying, “What I hear you saying is…” or “What I think you are saying is…” Then ask them if you’re accurate. This encourages understanding instead of frustration which can result when someone uses “You” statements (e.g. “You said…” or “You always make me feel…”) “I” statements communicate that what you are hearing the person say is your perception of what has been spoken, not necessarily what has been said (or what the person intended to say). This will help the person who is speaking to know they’ve been understood or misunderstood while fostering a sense of acceptance. Restating the speaker’s comments with “I” statements shows that you are genuinely trying to understand what the person is saying without judgment or accusation. “I” statements also help to express more personal feelings about what the other shared.

What if the group continues to get off topic?

Multi-person discussions naturally meander. Don’t be too rigid. Try to keep the balance between keeping a focus and giving the focus some wiggle room. By way of analogy: a sailor doesn’t hold on tightly to the rope locking the sail in a single position. This actually gets the boat to the destination slower than if one held on loosely to the rope letting the sail fully catch the shifting winds. Every small group has its own pace and rhythm based on its unique chemistry—discern your group’s chemical make-up and steer the study and discussion accordingly. These pointers might help with a group which seems to continually get off topic:

Preview your small group’s upcoming study material and assume you’ll only be able to cover HALF of the questions presented. Ask yourself: “Which half of these questions will work best for my group?” This “cleans up” the dynamic of your small group’s study and discussion time, bringing more focus onto the topic.
Outline what you want to do from the outset of your time together. Avoid sharing as if it’s an agenda. Set a goal for your small group. For example, “In this meeting, let’s explore…” or “What I hope you’ll walk away with by the end of our meeting is…”
Discern a pattern. Does your small group tend to get off topic at generally the same time of each meeting? Does something trigger your getting off topic (maybe it’s an individual, how questions are phrased, or maybe it’s the study itself!)?
Ask the group if they’re happy with the study you’re doing. When a group continually gets off topic it might be a signal it’s time to abandon the particular study you’re doing. That’s okay to do! People might just be bored or disinterested with it. Dialogue together about this. Check in from time to time with your small group and ask them if the study you’re working through is working for them.
Try to link “wandering talk” back to the topic at hand. Look for opportunities to jump in, graciously segue, and take hold of the steering wheel again. You don’t have to bring an abrupt halt to aimless chatter—look for the right moment when you can gracefully harness it and relate it to your small group’s study focus.
Invite your coach to attend a meeting. They have a different vantage point than you and may see something you don’t that provides insight.
Ask other trusted small group members to help the study stay on track.

Avoid pitfalls, not conflict itself. Conflict avoidance has a paradoxical way of decimating relationships and destabilizing the development of biblical community. Rather, keep the main things the main things in your small group’s spiritual conversations. Encourage personal maturity and the missional application of God’s truth. Listen to the unique undertones of your small group dynamic, seek first to understand, and be flexible with how your journey together plays out. The same One who began a good work in you and will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus will do the same for your small group (Php 1:6).

Group Leadership

October 19, 2020

10 Ways to be a Great Small Group Member

By Chris Surratt

If you do a quick Google search on “How to be a Great Small Group Leader,” you will find a treasure trove of articles—several of them written by me. But what about being a great small group member? After all, it’s hard to feel like a successful leader without faithful followers.

Leading a group is not easy. I have personally led a group for over 20 years, and there are countless Tuesday nights when I have felt like a complete failure.

Several people were late to the group or just didn’t show up. The discussion felt like it didn’t go anywhere. Prayer time turned into gossip hour, and the list goes on.

I can always work to be a better leader, but there are also many ways a group member can help the leader and the rest of the group have a better experience. Here are 10 of them.

1. BE ON TIME (BUT NOT TOO EARLY).

It can be really frustrating when group members are consistently late to the meetings. Especially if they are responsible for bringing food, or if the discussion flow is interrupted by their late arrival.

On the other hand, it’s also hard on the leaders and group hosts if members arrive too early. There are always last-minute preparations taking place for the meeting or a needed few moments of rest before everyone shows up.

Being on time, but not too early, helps start the meeting in the right direction.

2. LOOK ENGAGED IN THE DISCUSSION.

Speaking in front of a group is one of the most intimidating things in life for a lot of people. It’s especially difficult if the people in the room seem disengaged in the discussion. When I am leading a group, I always look for the people looking back for encouragement.

One of the best ways you can help your group leader out is to be fully present in the moment. Don’t constantly check your phone for the latest scores or stare out a window the whole time. Occasionally give visual cues, like a nod of the head, that you are fully engaged in the conversation.

3. BE THE FIRST TO ANSWER A QUESTION (BUT NOT EVERY TIME).

A big part of being engaged in the meeting is answering questions during the Bible study. When the leader tosses out a question, the silence that follows can be super uncomfortable. It’s always a relief when someone steps in to answer the question or offer an opinion. That answer may also be the catalyst that gets more people talking.

However, it’s important to not be the first person to answer every question so that more people have the opportunity to jump in with their thoughts. An over-talker will dissuade a lot of people from answering.

4. BE THE FIRST TO OFFER TO READ SCRIPTURE.

Just like it’s awkward when no one answers a question right away, it’s the same when no one volunteers to read the Scripture passage. Most of us have the Bible on our phones now, so be that person who volunteers quickly. Treat it like a “sword drill” in Sunday School—fastest one to the passage wins a prize!

5. HELP HEAD OFF RABBIT TRAILS AND GOSSIP.

Some rabbit trails are inevitable in a discussion. The trick is getting it back on topic before the whole meeting is off the rails. Instead of waiting for the group leader to have to step in and bring everyone back, offer a helpful comment that gets the discussion back in the right direction.

The prayer time can also easily slip into gossip if we’re not careful. Help the group leader out by not going there yourself, and also help others see when it’s starting to take place. The leader hates always having to be the “bad guy” in those situations.

6. OFFER TO ORGANIZE THE NEXT GROUP OUTING.

Planning and preparing for normal group meetings is a big job in and of itself. There’s prepping for the Bible study, making sure everyone has the details for the meeting, cleaning the house, preparing food options, and many other varied details that help make it a great experience for group members.

One way to take some of the load off of the leader is by offering to organize a fun outing or a mission opportunity for the group to participate in. This can be a monthly or quarterly event. The leader will appreciate the initiative, and the group will be better for it.

7. OCCASIONALLY HOST THE GROUP MEETING.

Now that we understand how much work it is to host a group every week, it would be a big relief for someone to offer to take that responsibility occasionally. It’s also nice for the group to meet in a different environment. A new location can lead to a different perspective.

8. GO HOME ON TIME.

As a group leader, it’s always great to see the group engaged in discussions before and after the official meeting time. A lot of the time, the life-changing conversations happen outside of the group meeting. However, there has to be respect for the host’s personal time. The conversation may need to continue at a local coffee shop so the host family can go to bed.

9. PRAY FOR YOUR GROUP LEADER(S).

Stepping up to lead a group is no small task. Group leaders are asked to spiritually shepherd the people in their care. This responsibility comes with a lot of weight. Satan loves to attack those who are helping pull people out of darkness and into the light.

Group leaders also have the same struggles and stress that we all do. Consistent prayer is not only appreciated, but much needed. Remember that they are also praying for you.

10. OFFER TO START A NEW GROUP.

The only way we are going to fulfill Jesus’ Great Commission of making disciples is by starting new groups for new people. I know how hard it can be to step out of a successful group for something new, but the time is short, and the harvest is plentiful. We need new disciple makers to carry on the work that Jesus started.

Every small group needs great leaders and great members. Together, we can change the world with the message of the gospel through biblical community!

This article first appeared at lifewayvoices.com.

CHRIS SURRATT (@ChrisSurratt) is the discipleship and small groups specialist for Lifeway Christian Resources, a ministry consultant and coach with more than 20 years of experience, and the author of Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply Your Small Group.

Group Leadership

October 15, 2020

Sharing News With Your Group

By Group Ministry

by Jared Musgrove

Recent events have tuned the eyes and ears of Americans toward news sources in ways we have not seen for quite some time. As ceaseless reports of disease outbreak, brutal violence, and political fights plaster our screens, believers must be mindful of how we receive our news and what we choose to do with it.

How Do You Get Your News?

As a journalism student, I was told repeatedly that there is no such thing as objective reporting—an accurate assessment. Every person approaches events from a certain perspective—an existing worldview or set of assumptions that shape how they perceive and share those events. A reporter’s approach is no different. Because this is true, Christians must practice discernment when filtering through news updates.

Ask yourself: Am I reading that something happened (an event) or what someone thinks about something that happened (a commentary)? Most of the news we receive today is a mixture of both, if not heavier on the commentary side, with the expectation that you take a side. This kind of reporting often buries whatever truth it contains in conjecture and opinion.

Just as very human reporters craft news stories, very human editors make value judgments about which stories to feature and promote. The decision of what goes on the front page and what leads the evening newscast is a worldview decision.

Understand this when you consume news reports and ask yourself:

Why is this story the lead or on repeat?

Is this report concerned with facts?

Is there good research that solidly supports this report?

Am I being shown what is happening or being told what to think about it?

A journalist’s job is to ask questions, but that’s also our job as thinking Christians reading, hearing, or watching a report. Ask questions of the report, the reporter, yourself, your neighbor, and your worldview, and then make a decision about what to do.

What Do You Do With Your News?

Christians hear news reports through the filter of an objective standard of truth. Having answered the biggest question of all, “Whose world is it anyway?” we’re able to apply the lesser questions that sift fact from commentary—all with an eye toward discerning truth, or at least wisdom and kindness—as we navigate information.

While the bottom line for Christians is truth, the bottom line for networks and newspapers may not be. Journalism is a business, meaning the dollar is often a media corporation’s bottom line. This reality heavily influences reporting. Chasing scandals and political gaffes buffers the bottom line, sometimes at the cost of the truth. So, what should we do to ensure we’re well-informed?

Keep digging.

Steer clear of entertainment news traps and go to the sources most likely to bring you the bottom line of truth. These may feel few and far between and they probably aren’t trending on your Facebook feed. Begin to identify trusted sources by humbly engaging in several. Consult news sources across the liberal-conservative spectrum to better understand how stories are being shaped. How is one network, newspaper, podcast, or magazine reporting this story differently than another? Before reflexively sharing with others something that looks and sounds like a news story, check its source. If the source or the article itself is sensational, treat it with healthy suspicion.

We must also bear in love with compassion (and patience) those in our groups who may be sharing or posting news or “news.” Lead out in asking open-ended questions: What have you heard? What do you know? Where have you found good information on this? How does this align with what the Bible teaches? How will we honor the ‘one another’ commands as we discuss this piece of news?

Even more, we must pray as events scroll across the screen. Develop this discipline. Let your news intake lead you out of yourself and toward prayer, and then act as you are able. Let the news be a catalyst to get you involved in all that God is doing in this world that belongs—without hype, sensationalism, or slant—to Him.

Dr. Jared Steven Musgrove is Groups Pastor at The Village Church in Flower Mound, TX and co-founder and Executive Director of communityleadership.org. He is married to Jenny and father to Jordan and Joshua.

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