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Church Leadership
February 14, 2019

3 Ways to Approach Dating within Your Small Group

By Deborah Spooner

Imagine this: you’re single. You’re Christian. You’re not getting any younger. And you’re in a church small group.

Does such a scenario give you a little anxiety?

From asking someone out and then having to face them again at group, to feeling the pressure to be ready to marry the person before going on a second date, the waters are dangerous. As the average age for marriage in America continues to rise, the stakes are even higher. For Christians, we add the factor that we feel the need to find our perfect ministry partner to catalyze our own faith and change the world.

How do we deal with this elephant in the room of singleness within Christian small groups while not crushing our cherished community?

  1. Dive deeper

Recently, I’ve had conversations which have echoed each other: talks with Christian women in their mid-to-late twenties who are still single and feeling scared, tired, frustrated, and confused that their mingling hasn’t produced a ring. Panic ensues.

But it’s not just that they want a man and picket fence. There’s much more happening on a deeper level: shame. Sitting at a coffee shop doing a Bible study, we talked about “things in our life we wish were there” and skirted around the subject until someone came out and finally said it: “I wish I were married. And I know Jesus is enough, but if I’m real, I want more. And I’m starting to wonder if I’m even enough for anyone to want me.” This mirrored another situation in my small group as the subject was again avoided until someone said it: “Yeah, we’re talking about praying for big things, but many of us around this room have a prayer that hasn’t been answered. We’re still single. How do we deal with this?”

There’s also shame around talking about singleness and even admitting that, when single people walk into a room full of Christians, you can guess what’s one of the first things on their minds: the opposite sex. And since our minds are supposed to be fixed on Christ, no one wants to talk about how they’re prone to wander.

I could go on. There are also questions of what prayer really means in face of unanswered prayers. There’s the reality of ealousy of others who have something we want. There’s the nsecurity in the way we are. There’s the doubts because of seemingly irredeemable issues in the past..

There’s a lot beneath the surface. If we want to handle singleness well in our small groups, we need to be willing to go deep, to dig into what’s at the root of and tied to the word “single.”

  1. Do more

Often, when we feel awkward with a topic or know it’s delicate (or just flat out don’t want to deal with its depths), we start to do less. We don’t talk about it in group. We don’t talk about it with people in our groups when we’re meeting outside of the group time. We don’t even pray for it. If we minimize contact with the issue, we minimize the damage done, right? Not necessarily.

What would Christ do when he knew something mattered to the people around Him? Not avoid it. Instead, he’d seek to meet people where they were with this need they had. Often, this topic needs to be addressed in some way with your group. To do so, get to know the specifics of your group. How many are single? How many are married? And what are they feeling, thinking, and needing with this topic?

Handling this topic better in your small groups means doing more digging: digging into the individual concerns, pains, and joys. Then, you have options of what to do next. It could mean many different results: What would it look like to dedicate a specific night of small group to talk about singleness and marriage, or having a Q&A session between those married and not? What would it look like to dedicate time specifically to pray for the marriages of people in your group and to pray for the singles? What would it look like to ask more intentional questions to specific group members about the topic of singleness and marriage, and then build it into your small group schedule or have a separate night to talk through your group’s specific challenges?

Often through doing just a little more,, we can relieve the pressure and actually start making progress.

  1. Don’t be afraid (or selfish)

Singles need the group’s leadership to step out when it comes to this topic. They need leaders who first know the pulse of the group and can see how much or little may need to be said, but also leaders who are not afraid of diving into difficult and delicate topics. They need leaders of action and not just words. Do you see people in your small group that really maybe should go on a date, even if this could mean an awkward few weeks if things don’t work out? Try encouraging them to do so. Do some single people in your group really need mentorship around this topic right now, and maybe you see a married man or woman in your group who could step in and fill that role? Try asking if they’ll invest in others in this way. Has dating become the only focus of your group and you need to recenter your group back to a focus on Christ and not only on each other? Try bringing the focus back.

More deeply understanding your group and moving through the fear to action can be hard and takes time. As leaders, we sometimes don’t have much time and often have had not wonderful experiences ourselves. Maybe we’ve been burned in a dating relationship. Maybe we’ve been single, then married, then divorced and just feel too burnout or inadequate to speak into the topic. Maybe we think it’s not that big of a deal and people just overcomplicate things. But, we can’t stay silent and comfortable when we see a need. We just can’t take that selfish route, whether that means moving past pride or insecurity (or both).

Don’t be afraid of stepping on toes. Don’t be afraid that you have nothing to offer. Don’t be afraid that this is an over-talked about topic.

Have the courage to know your group and to know your group’s needs. Then, dive deep. And, do something.

Deborah Spooner is a Minnesota-born analytical creative serving as a Marketing Strategist for LifeWay’s Groups Ministry. As a pastor’s daughter with a background in Digital Communications and Media and Biblical & Theological Studies, you can find her at her local church, in deep conversation, or with a book or pen in hand as she seeks to know Christ more and make Him known.
Church Leadership
February 12, 2019

More Questions Every Small Group Leader Has

By Chris Surratt

It can be intimidating to take on the leadership of a group, but you can be assured that (almost) every small group leader has the same doubts, concerns, and questions you do. The moment we as leaders think we have it all figured out is when we should stop being leaders. I have discovered that the best leaders always have questions, and they’re not afraid to ask them.

You can read my top five questions here, but here are three more questions every small group leader has.

1. What do we do about childcare?

This is the number one question from parents, and the number one barrier to many people committing to a small group. If you are planning to invite married couples with young kids, have a solution for this issue before the group begins. Here are a few ideas I recommend to group leaders: 

  • Each family makes their own arrangements for childcare.
  • The group hires a babysitter, and the families split the cost.
  • Work with the student ministry to hire a female babysitter who is raising money for a summer missions trip.
  • Work out a co-op relationship with another group that meets on another night.
  • Make one night a month a game night where the kids are invited to take part.
  • Involve the older kids into the discussion and life of the group. My kids have been active members of our groups through the years.
  • Rotate childcare among the members of the group, putting two non-related adults in charge of babysitting for a given night, and rotating each week.

2. What if no one shows up for the group meeting?

It can be very disheartening to prepare for your group and then have no one show up. It’s sometimes worse if only one person comes! Here are a few factors to think about if no one signs up or shows up for the group:

  • Is the group being hosted in too remote of an area from the church? It will be more difficult to ask church members to attend a group that is over 15-20 minutes from their house.
  • Is the group’s focus too narrow? Targeting a specific cause for a group to form around can be beneficial, but it will take longer to gain traction.
  • Are you meeting on an unpopular night? Look for a day and time that works well for the demographic you are inviting to the group.
  • Are the meetings consistent enough? Groups that only meet once a month will never gain the relational equity it takes to build loyalty.
  • Is the group shrinking? It is always good to add new people during the life of the small group.

3. How do I stay healthy as a leader while helping others do the same?

It’s important that we as leaders take care of our spiritual, mental, and physical selves while helping others do the same thing. We can spend so much time pouring into our group members, and forget that leading yourself is the number one priority. An unhealthy leader will eventually burnout. 

If you find yourself on the edge of burning out spiritually, here is an outline for staying healthy from Pastor Peter Scazzero. He calls it the Rule of Life. “Rule” is from the Greek word “trellis.” You use a trellis in a garden to ensure the plants grow straight and healthy.

Pay attention to these four major categories in your daily routine:

  1. Prayer: this also involves time in the Scripture and using silence and solitude in your quiet times
  2. Rest: Taking a regular sabbath, simplifying your life as much as possible, and making time for play and recreation.
  3. Work/Activity: Including service and mission into your life, and regular care for your physical body
  4. Relationships: Taking care of your emotional health through life-giving relationships with your family and community
Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.
Church Leadership
February 1, 2019

3 Ways to Get Your Group Members to Stay

By Dwayne McCrary

What can we do to create a sticky group, one where people return and stay? If the research conducted by Dr. Rainer holds true (see that post here) there are a few big things we can do as Bible study leaders to get people to return and stay.

 Involve them.

First of all, we can involve them in the life of the group. Most groups have a core that does most of the work of planning the parties, making the coffee, and keeping up with absentees. I realize some may feel like they earned the role, but what keeps us from finding more ways of involving people in the work of the group? One way of involving new group members is allowing them to be greeters. This allows them to meet everyone who attends while still being aware of the needs of new people joining the group.

We can also be intentional about involving everyone in the actual study time. Allowing discussion to take place in smaller groups, crafting questions that don’t assume prior participation, and asking people prior to the group time to read a passage or lead a breakout discussion are actions that will go a long way toward creating a sticky group.

 Feed them.

Whatever you call your groups, everyone attending expects there to be Bible study. If the purpose of your group is not built around Bible study, then you may need to rethink what you call your group and why you meet. Most of us have been in groups that are focused on football scores, political debates, and personal stories. We could get that from most service organizations. If it is a Bible study group, then the Bible ought to be front and center.

Beyond studying the Bible, we can help our group members understand how to better use Bible study tools. We can show them how to use a Bible concordance or Bible dictionary as opposed to simply telling them what we found. Better yet, we could hand a Bible dictionary to a group member and walk them through the steps of using the resource. The way we lead the group time matters. 

 Treat them like people.

Most of us have attended a class or group where we felt more like an item than a person. We received a different kind of name tag, were asked to do things no one else was asked to do (like being the only one asked to introduce yourself to the group), or being the only one without a study guide. As the leader, we need to think of our group as a set of individuals who happen to be in a group. Groups tend to be viewed like an institution, losing individual personality in the process.

In effect, we are fostering an open group culture by the way we as the leaders treat all attendees of our groups. Groups easily become closed without even trying. We may allow new people to join us and still be closed by how we as a group treat them. Our treating each individual as a valued person will help move others to do the same. 

 What actions have you found helpful for getting people to stick in your group?

Dwayne McCrary is a project team leader for ongoing adult Bible study resources at LifeWay, including the adult Explore the Bible resources. He also teaches an adult group and preschool group every Sunday in the church he attends.
Church Leadership
January 29, 2019

Five Tips to Helping your New Group Last the Whole Year

By Chris Surratt

Stepping out to start a new small group can be a scary experience. All of us have the same questions starting out: Will anyone show up? Have I invited the right people? Have I picked the right study? How will I disciple everyone in my group? And the biggest question of all: Will my new group survive? Statistics say that around 70% of new businesses will eventually fail within five years. I would hazard a guess that it’s around the same for new small groups in the first year. We all have the best of intentions at the start, but life happens and good intentions get derailed.

However, there is hope! There are a few things that you can do now that will help your small group survive and thrive through the whole year. Here are five tips to starting and finishing strong.

  1. Consistency

Inconsistency can derail a small group from the start. There will be weeks where it is extremely tempting to just cancel. A few group members start dropping out early in the week, and now it seems easier to cancel and punt to the next week. After a few weeks of last minute canceling, most people will give up on showing up. Resist that urge to cancel, and stay consistent with your meetings. Some of the most impactful group meetings I have been a part of was with just a few people. Start the group off with a covenant or agreement stating that members will need to be consistent with their attendance throughout the semester, or join the group at another time when their schedules allow.

  1. Substance

Most people are already involved in a small group. There are smaller groups of people we interact with every day. We have groups at work, groups at school, groups at the football game, groups at the park, and on-and-on. For your small group to be compelling enough for someone to give another time slot to, it has to go beyond the surface and offer opportunities for people to grow deeper in their faith and love for Jesus. If your “study” time consists of 10-15  minutes of shallow conversation about the sermon from Sunday, or how their week was, that’s not enough.

To love God, we have to know God, and that will come from those deeper conversations inspired by a well written study of God’s Word. Check out lifeway.com/balanceddiscipleship for a robust Bible study plan.

  1. Care

Another difference in what you are offering and what people can get anywhere is genuine care. Your group members are needing more than a social time and a Bible study. The goal is to have your small group feel like family. Families care for one another and are there for each other when circumstances are great and not so great. We should celebrate and weep with our group members equally.

  1. Variety

Even the best experiences will get old when repeated too many times. If your small group meetings are always the same, the group will quickly become stale and group members will start to fade out. Change it up occasionally with the type of study you are doing. If you are consistently doing studies through books of the BIble, try a more topical study for a few weeks. If your group always uses a video driven study, change it up with discussion driven study for a semester. Also, build in nights where the group just does something fun.  Plan a night every six weeks that is a game night, or something fun outside of the normal meeting location.

  1. Empowerment

If you are a leader who has to do everything in the group – host, provide food, facilitate the discussion, handle the prayer request, schedule the activities, etc – then you are not empowering your members to discover their spiritual gifts and take ownership in the group. Consumers will feel the freedom to move on when the group no longer fills their needs. Owners have a stake and will feel the responsibility to help the group fill other’s needs. Start the group off with the expectation that everyone will eventually contribute to the life of the group. This will help create owners and not consumers.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.
Tuesday Thoughts
January 22, 2019

Tuesday Thoughts: Gospel-Centered Service

By Chris Surratt

One of the churches in which I serve sat in an interesting place geographically. Now on our side of the street it was beginning to change. There were homes being flipped, it was gentrifying, it was quickly becoming a place that you wanted to live. But directly across the street was a completely different story. There were a lot of gangs and drugs and violence and it was not a place that you wanted to be. Now a couple of our small groups decided to make a difference in that community. They begin to go over one time a month and just love on one block at a time. They took basic needs, batteries and light bulbs and toilet paper and just knocked on doors and just loved that community. And slowly over time that community began to change because of those small groups. Eventually that led to what we call a dream center, a 24/7 dream center that had legal services, had a food pantry, had ministries for single moms and became a bright light in that dark place.

So how do you help your small group get there? How do we eventually change our community and change our world? Let me give you four steps to help your group become a serving group.

Step one is you’ve got to serve your group first. If you expect your small group to become a serving group, you have to first model servant leadership for your group members. You know Paul gave these instructions to the church in Philippi. He said, do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should not look out only for his own interest, but also for the interest of others. Adopt the same attitude is that of Jesus Christ. Jesus left us the ultimate example of servanthood as he served his disciples and ultimately all of us on the cross, so serve your group first. Do it by a washing their car, watching their kids so they can go out for dinner, but look for tangible ways that you can serve your group, first.

Second step is empower group members to serve the group. You’re discipling your group members by helping them discover their spiritual gifts in order to utilize with them within the group. So look for opportunities for others to host the group or maybe provide the food or facilitate the discussion or maybe handle the prayer time or look for missional opportunities outside of the group, but find out where your group members are gifted, where their spiritual gifts are and then help them serve the group.

Step number three is served together in the church. You know, there’s always opportunities for us to serve at our church. Maybe it’s some landscaping or a wall needs to be painted in a classroom or maybe serve in a classroom to give those teachers a break on a Sunday, but look for somewhere that you can serve together in the church.

And then number four is serve together in the community. Just like our small groups saw need directly across the street from where we were, there are needs in your community. So look outside of the walls where you meet every single week. Maybe there is an elementary school that needs supplies in the fall, or maybe there’s a single mom that just simply needs her lawn mowed. Look around, there’s needs in your community and gather your group and let’s serve those needs.

So four steps. Serve your group first, empower your group members to serve, serve together in the church and serve together in the community. If you follow those, someday, your group will change the world.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.
Church Leadership
January 15, 2019

Best Small Group Ice Breakers for 2019

By Chris Surratt

Whether your small group will be brand new in 2019 or you have been meeting for awhile, a good icebreaker question or activity is a great way to get the conversation going at that first meeting in January. Icebreakers help everyone in the group feel more comfortable about entering the discussion before the Bible study starts. You can see our 2018 list here.

Here are a few more of my favorites.

M&M’s Game

Pass a bag of M&M’s around and tell everyone to take a few. Then, before they eat them ask them to share something for every M&M. For example, something about their family for every red one, something about their plans for the future for every green one, etc.

Life Catalysts

Pass out 3-5 sticky notes to each person in the group. Instruct group members to write one life catalyst that helped make them who they are today on each sticky note. It can be the name of an influential person or a life event. Then have each person share their sticky notes with the rest of the group as they stick them on a wall or on a large poster board.

My Life in Pictures

Bring a newspaper or magazine. Have each person tear out a picture, article or anything they think tells something about themselves. If there’s enough time they can make a collage that tells more about themselves.

Most Used Emoji

Ask group members to share their most used emoji and why they like it. As a bonus, have them show the the group the emoji on their phone.

Get To Know You Questions

  • What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
  • When you die, what do you want to be remembered for?
  • Describe your past week in weather terms. (Was it stormy, cloudy, foggy, mostly sunny…)
  • What is your favorite item you’ve bought this year?
  • What is your absolute dream job?
  • What would the title of your autobiography be?
  • Say you’re independently wealthy and don’t have to work, what would you do with your time?
  • If you had to delete all but 3 apps from your smartphone, which ones would you keep?
  • Who is your favorite Disney hero or heroine? Would you trade places with them?
  • Are you a morning or night person?
  • If you could add anyone to Mount Rushmore who would it be; why?
  • What fictional family would you be a member of?
Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.
Church Leadership
December 28, 2018

Caring for the 5 kinds of sheep in your group

By Ken Braddy

Jesus often referred to His people as sheep, and He a shepherd. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, instructed Peter to care for His sheep. After serving Peter and the other disciples breakfast in one of His post-resurrection appearances, Jesus gave Peter and the other disciples an important mandate: “Feed my sheep.” It is our mandate today as well. We must feed and shepherd the people Jesus sends to our churches. We must care for the people who are in our Bible study groups because they are our sheep.

Every Bible study group will have five different kinds of sheep for which they must provide protection, care, and nourishment. As you read the list below, ask yourself, “Which of the following kinds of sheep am I ministering to consistently? What kinds of sheep need more of my attention?”

  1. Absentees – every group has a certain percentage of people who are absent whenever the group gathers for Bible study. It is not uncommon for up to 50% of group members to be absent each time the group gets together for Bible study. An effective leader will not only rejoice over those who are in attendance, but he or she will feel compelled to reach out to absentees. A quick phone call, an e-mail, or a visit in a group member’s home can help reconnect this kind of sheep to the group.
  2. Prospects – unless the Bible study group is closed to new members, every group should have a prospect list. It is recommended that a group have one prospect for each member of the group. Prospects should always be invited to the social activities of the group, and they should be cared for just as if they were full-fledged members. Prospects, if properly cultivated, often become members of groups. They are a second kind of sheep we must care for.
  3. People in crisis – It’s a given that if you have a group of people coming together to study the Bible, things are going to get messy at some point. People will experience the ups and downs of life, and you may find yourself in the role of a “first responder.” A lost job, the sudden death of a loved one, or a wayward child may bring a group member to a moment of crisis, and you will be on the front line of ministry to that person, and even his or her family. People in crisis are a third kind of sheep that need our watchcare.
  4. Associate group members – These heroes deserve your group’s appreciation and remembrance when it’s time to get together and socialize. Associate group members have left your group to serve other people in your church’s various ministries, and they often miss adult fellowship. Keep these sheep on your ministry role and invite them to every fellowship your group has – especially around the holidays. Associate members need to know they haven’t been forgotten, and they need to be affirmed for using their spiritual gifts elsewhere in the church and community.
  5. Regular attenders – It’s easy to forget about these sheep, but don’t! Although the guest, the person in crisis, the associate member, and the absentee all need your time and attention, so do the loyal group members who are always present. It’s easy to let these “good” group members go un-thanked and unnoticed, but these are the kinds of people who need an encouraging word. Thank them for their regular attendance. Thank them for being a stabilizing factor in your group.

Being a teacher-shepherd isn’t an easy task. There are all kinds of people in your group who need you, the shepherd of the group, to care for them. The act of teaching can be fun and exhilarating, but don’t forget that the real work of shepherding a group happens in between group Bible studies!

Ken Braddy manages LifeWay’s ongoing adult Bible studies and blogs daily about group Bible study at kenbraddy.com

 

 

 

Church Leadership
November 23, 2018

When Group Members Leave

By Reid Patton

If you’ve led small groups longer than a little while, you’ve probably had people leave. Maybe they’re seeking a new church or a different kind of experience. Maybe your group was not a good fit for some reason. Maybe they want to launch their own group. Whatever the reason—people leaving is inevitable.

Even when people have good reasons, this process can be one of the more awkward parts of leadership. In the groups I’ve led, people have left for all of the reasons above and there is still some measure of awkwardness in each parting. So how should group leaders navigate this part of group life? Be gracious and encouraging.

Gracious

For many, this might be the most difficult part. When you share your life with someone, and they move on, it can be difficult to not take the leaving personally. Though it’s a natural feeling, resist the urge to feel wounded, and seek to be gracious. The goal of group life is move closer to the Christian life, and if people are stepping into a situation where they feel they will have a greater opportunity to grow, we should be happy for them.

But what if the people are leaving for no real reason at all? Still be gracious. People have their reasons, and even when you do not agree with them, you need to be gracious. Once again, the goal of group life is ultimately to lead people towards Christ. We want people to see him through our actions, so we need to treat people as He would treat them.

Encouraging 

Next, you need to be encouraging. Christians are not meant to walk through the Christian life alone. Particularly when people leave for seemingly no reason at all, we need to urge them to be involved somewhere else. If you find that people are leaving because they “want some time off”, ask questions to try and see what is behind that attitude. Church is not meant to be just another activity.

Recently, Thom Rainer wrote about Four Key Attitude That are Killing Church Attendance. You may be able to identify some attitudes of those around you in that helpful post. Dr. Rainer points out that often when people shrink back from involvement in church it is for unbiblical reasons. As a leader, you have an opportunity to have a conversation with these folks and help them evaluate some of their reasoning. We can still be gracious while encouraging people to consider their reasons. Naturally, some people will not be open to this kind of conversation, but in my experience, more people than you would think are open to talk.

If your group is simply not a good fit because demographics, focus, meeting time or some other reason, you can encourage people to be involved in another group. All group leaders would serve their churches well if they simply took the time to familiarize themselves with other leaders and other groups in the life of the church. That way, you can always be connecting people to community. Hopefully that’s why you began leading in the first place.

Leading has its ups and downs, people leaving (even for good reasons) can be a downer. Hopefully you now have some handles for navigating one of the trickier situations in group life.

Reid Patton is a Content Editor for the Short-Term Discipleship Team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the thankful husband of Kristen and proud father of Ceile and serves with the Life Group leadership team at the Church at Station Hill in Spring Hill, Tennessee. In his free time, Reid likes reading, watching NBA Basketball and Auburn Football, and going to record stores. You can find him on Twitter @jreidpatton.
Church Leadership
November 12, 2018

When You Disagree in Group

By Group Ministry

by Jared Musgrove

It is never “if” Christians disagree but “when”.

It’s important to lean into this as a small group leader. Lead your group to practice Christian unity before the conflict comes. Walk through how you will disagree before the disagreement happens. This is an opportunity to show the gospel to an unbelieving world, and be reminded of it all over again yourselves.

Francis Schaeffer has been so helpful to me in his approach to Christian disagreement. In The Mark of the Christian, he outlines just how Christians are to disagree in a way that honors God:

1. Have regret. Weep over the fact that there is disagreement. This is clearly not as it should be. So recognize this. Weep together if you are able that you are here. Look forward together to a day when disagreements will be no more.

2. Demonstrate visible love. “Not all differences among Christians are equal. There are some that are very minor. Others are overwhelmingly important,” writes Schaeffer. “The more serious the wrongness, the more important it is to exhibit the holiness of God… the more important it becomes that we look to the Holy Spirit to enable us to show true love to the true Christians with whom we must differ.” Spend time on your knees praying for, and perhaps even with, the one with whom you disagree. This is visible, tangible love began.

3. Practice demonstrations of love. Do whatever must be done to show love, outdoing each other in honor even in the midst of the disagreement. A way to start the conversation with practical love is to tell the person with whom you disagree how you see the Lord using them. If they are a fellow Christian, the Spirit is at work in them. Remind each other of this in the midst of the disagreement.

4. Desire to solve the problem, rather than win. Far too much of our history is a desire to win for ourselves rather than for all the brothers and sisters. Schaeffer writes, “But we should understand that what we are working for in the midst of our difference is a solution – a solution that will give God the glory, that will be true to the Bible, but will exhibit the love of God simultaneously with his holiness.”

5. Help one another remember to exhibit our oneness in Christ before the disagreement comes. It is easy to compromise and call what is wrong right, but it is just as easy to forget to exhibit our oneness in Jesus. If there is not a habit of practicing oneness in Christ, of reminding each other of gospel truth regularly, then it will feel foreign to do so when the conflict comes.

Jared Steven Musgrove serves as Groups Pastor and elder at The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas. He earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism from The University of Oklahoma, a Master of Divinity in preaching from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and a Doctorate of Ministry in leadership from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the husband of Jenny and the father of two sons, Jordan and Joshua. You can follow him on Twitter @jsmusgrove 
Group Answers Podcast, Uncategorized
November 7, 2018

Group Answers Episode 73: Dealing with Difficult People

By Group Ministry
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On today’s episode, Chris, Brian, and Brandon talk about how to deal with difficult people in your group.

Questions

  • What constitutes a difficult person in a group?
  • What steps should you take with that person?
  • At what point do you ask that person to leave the group?
  • What if you are dealing with a toxic small group?
  • When is it ok to disband a whole group?

Quotes

We can misconstrue what is difficult for someone who is just a strong personality.

You have to have an awareness and availability to deal with bigger issues.

The difficult member can be someone who confesses the same sin every week.

Ask the question: How are you growing in your joy in Jesus in this area that keeps coming up?

Always start with “Yes, I am a sinner.” There are no non-sinners in that conversation.

Ask the person to help you understand where they are coming from first.

Ask yourself if you’ve done a good job of establishing what the vision of the group is.

No one should feel like a hero and bear something they are not ready to bear.

The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in LifeWay’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at LifeWay and author of Small Groups for the Rest of Us.

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