Men

July 17, 2019

Group Answers Episode 109: Darrin Patrick

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On this episode of Group Answers, Chris and Brian talk to Darrin Patrick about community and accountability.

Darrin Patrick is a teaching pastor at Seacoast Church. He is the founding pastor of The Journey Church and is the author of multiple books including the Dude’s Guide to Marriage.

Darrin is the former chaplain to the St. Louis Cardinals and former vice-president of the Acts 29 church planting network. He has appeared in the New York Times, The Today Show and Fox and Friends for his innovative approach to reaching the un-reached.

Darrin is married to Amie and they have four children. He enjoys reading, writing and coaching his kid’s sports teams.

Questions:

From the outside, you were a very successful pastor, chaplain of the Cardinals, head of a church network. What was happening on the inside during all of this?
What did community and accountability look like for you when career and reputation were at the perceived peak?
What happened when those friendships were suddenly gone?
In the sense of accountability and community, is there a limit to the number of people you really want to be in contact with?
What role did having healthy community around you play in your eventual restoration?
What advice would you give to leaders who may be heading down the same path that you were on?

Quotes:

My ministry was growing, but my soul wasn’t growing.
What really brought me back was community, and I’ll never do ministry without that again.
Ultimately, I wasn’t willing to slow down the pace to develop those relationships.
Always err on the side of reaching out.
It was like God said, “I’m perfecting you through this imperfect process.”
You’re moving into that “sage” stage and having a hard time moving on from “warrior.”
A lot of leaders have failed to develop those soft-side leadership skills, and it’s mainly related to them not engaging their emotional life.
We’re really good at following Jesus as God, but we’re not good at following Jesus as man.

This Episode’s Sponsor: The Overcomer movie has inspired the creation of several resources. For small groups, there is the Overcomer Bible study. For individuals, there is a book called Defined. Both are based upon powerful insights from the Book of Ephesians. Learn more about all the resources at LifeWay.com/Overcomer

The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in LifeWay’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at LifeWay and author of Leading Small Groups.

Church Leadership

April 19, 2019

Kingdom Men Rising

By Group Ministry

On April 29th, the documentary film Kingdom Men Rising will hit theaters nationwide for a two night event with a message that our culture desperately needs right now. As the second theatrical release from LifeWay Films, Kingdom Men Rising offers a reorientation of masculinity – what it should be rather than how society has defined it. This theatrical release co-created with Tony Evans Films looks forward to a future for manhood, and I would hope a reboot of our understanding of how men can contribute to the world that we live in.

Early in Kingdom Men Rising Dr. Tony Evans clearly points out how culture has stripped men of their divine responsibility to be the Godly leader of the family. He says, “… men have made it easy for that to be stripped from them by how men have dishonored women, abused women … So we have facilitated it, but that means it’s time for change. The vision is to cause men to rise up. God asked Adam, ‘Adam, where are you?’ He didn’t ask, ‘Adam and Eve, where are y’all?’ He asked Adam, ‘Where are you?’ Unless the manhood issue gets straight, the culture can’t be saved because of God’s covenantal order. So it’s not only a manhood issue and it’s not only a family issue, it’s a cultural issue.

Each of the men featured in Kingdom Men Rising have had their trials and missteps and they bring it all into the conversation. Historically, I think a man has had a fairly clear understanding of his role. Yet over the course of the last few decades that understanding has dwindled. When you start letting culture define things like masculinity — which God created for good — that’s where the problem begin to emerge.

Kingdom Men Rising hones in on the importance of discipleship. It is vital that men have accountability and live alongside other Christian men to become who God called them to be. This film is the perfect opportunity to reignite a flame for men’s ministries to become a vital part of raising up men of God.

We need to challenged to lead lives of no more sitting on the sidelines, no more passivity, and no more excuses. Kingdom Men Rising is a film for everyone, believers and unbelievers alike, and all who see it will be encouraged and challenged. For more information, visit KingdomMenRising.com

Church Leadership

June 26, 2018

Six Obstacles Every Dad in Your Group Faces

By Group Ministry

by Ryan Sanders

I make money, try to be a decent husband, and I play with my kids. But as for my kids’ spiritual development, I expect my pastor to give them direction, the teacher to give them knowledge, and my spouse to shape their character. I just can’t do that with all the other stuff on my plate. Hey, at least I’m not just sitting back and letting the internet raise them.

Every Church-Going Dad

Most dads we work with at Manhood Journey might not say this aloud, but their actions show it. Many good dads believe the only discipleship duty they have is to drop their kid off at the right spots…with the right people…for the right amount of time…in the right environment. We wrongly think that’s biblical fatherhood—drop them of and let “the experts” give them Jesus. Maybe you know some guys in your group who have fallen into this trap. Maybe you only need to look in the mirror.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

For this post, I want to remind you of the six most common obstacles we see dads struggle with. I encourage you to lead the dads in your group with these six things in mind. Maybe you’re a dad yourself, and can use some help.

1. The Ignorance Obstacle

This dad says: “I didn’t know that was my job.”

Many well-meaning dads in your group simply don’t understand how vital it is for them to intentionally disciple their kids. If a dad believes his sole purpose is to drop his child off at the right spot at the right time—this dad misses the point.

You can help by teaching this dad to become aware, avoid self-pity, resist becoming the victim, and find mentors who will walk with him. Ask yourself: What does this dad need help with most? Then, start to connect others with this dad. You can do it. Need help? We have a book for helping find and be better mentors. Grab the sample here.

2. The Inertia Obstacle

This dad says: “I don’t know where to start.”

When we’re sitting still, we tend to keep on sitting still unless a force of change helps us get moving. YOU are that force for change! Here’s the best-kept secret to the dad in your group discipling his family: It doesn’t matter how or where he begins. It only matters that he starts. Get him started—the Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.

You can help this dad by encouraging him to ask his family for prayer requests or read a verse from Proverbs and spark conversation over dinner—JUST START. Encourage this dad to get accountable with you or a friend. Lastly, encourage him to say aloud to his wife, “I’m looking to be more engaged in our kids’ growth spiritually; do you have any ideas before I try a thing or two?”

3. The Delegation Obstacle

This dad says: “I’ll let someone else do it.”

This dad relies on two experts for help: his wife and “the professionals.” This approach tends to work well while the kids are young. Dad learns he can work and bring home the check. See where I’m going here?

As for the professionals, this dad expects the student or family pastor will guide his child spiritually. Your job is to show this dad his role as a father is his God-given assignment—even more than it is yours. Encourage this dad to ask his kids about the discussions he’s having with other leaders at school, church and so on. Get him and his kids talking.

You can help this dad by encouraging him to do what we call “audit the leadership” around his kids. Thankfully, I’m blessed to have a great school, large church, and helpful family. But it’s my role to regularly ask questions about content, directions, and talks they’re having. This only happens when you ask good questions early—and often.

Lastly, help this dad understand he doesn’t have to quit his day job to be a dad. He simply needs to take hold of the moments—the short windows he has with his family day in and day out can be more intentional for asking good questions and encouraging those around him.

4. The Guilt Obstacle

This dad says: “I’ve got my own issues. Who am I to talk?”

One of the most effective tools Satan uses against fathers is guilt. Guilt over how we’re living now, and guilt over how we’ve lived in the past.

You can help this dad understand God’s Word tells him there is no condemnation in Christ (Rom. 8:1). He can be freed from sin. Seriously, for some dads, this may mean actually accepting Christ’s work and grace for the first time.

Beyond salvation, you can help this dad own his faith. One last thing—help this dad know how to do the “gospel pivot.” If he’s made some mistakes in the past, teach him how to handle them properly per age and stage. Help him understand the importance of pointing to God—not himself—as the family hero.

Romans 8:1-2 is helpful here:

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.

5. The Procrastination Obstacle

This dad says: “I’ve got plenty of time.”

If you lead a dad of young kids, it’s nearly impossible to explain how little time he really has. The hours are long but the years are short, right?!

Encourage this dad to create margin in his calendar and simply carve out time to just be around—with no agenda. If he’s around and alert, teaching moments happen without being rehearsed or lectury.

6. The Despair Obstacle

This dad says: “My kid’s already too far gone.”

If you lead a dad of a teenager or older, you should help him see there’s still hope. God is the author of redemption and restoration. This dad needs to learn from you how to resist despair and be reassured that his situation can be restored. Encourage this dad to connect with his child in the simple things, and just be present.

Any of these obstacles sound like ones blocking dads you lead? Dads who get intentional about leading their family tend to lead the church better. There’s a Scripture about that somewhere.

Want to learn more and help the dads you serve do the same? Grab this free eBook and infographic called Identify and Destroy for more details on the six obstacles EVERY dad faces and how to remove them.

Ryan Sanders is the Director of Outreach at Manhood Journey, the fatherhood ministry helping dads build godly men. Ryan is married to Tonia and they have three children. He serves as Lay Pastor at McLean Bible Church in Washington, D.C. and is a diehard Redskins fan. Learn more about Ryan here and find him on Twitter @RyanSanders.

Church Leadership

June 13, 2018

Dads, Don’t Waste Your Summer

By Michael Kelley

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil – Ephesians 5:15-16

Nuance is everything in this passage. Depending on how you read these words, you can either find yourself emboldened or shrunken back. The hinge seems to be on the word carefully.

Since it’s in the context of walking, I think about how I go to check on my kids after bedtime. We live in an older house, and it seems like at night the wooden floors creak with every step. So I creep through the playroom down the hall—being very careful how I walk—to try and keep the creaks from waking them up. The thing about my walk in that instance is that it’s a defensive carefulness: I’m careful with every footfall, like I’m walking on eggshells, because I don’t want to step in the wrong place.

But I don’t think the verse above is meant to cause us to watch every footfall, our head swiveling back and forth and sweat beading on our foreheads to make sure we don’t step wrongly. It’s true that, as Christians, we are to be careful where we go, what we see, and what we do to make sure we avoid sin. And sin is everywhere, because, as the verse says, the days are evil.

In the context above, however, it seems to be more of an offensive carefulness that Paul wanted to inspire. We are to be careful in order to make the best use of time—literally, redeeming the time. When you redeem something, you trade it in for something better. You “buy back” the time you have been given to use for good. In that sense, our head is swiveling around, but it’s not fear that motivates us. It’s anticipation. We look in every direction to make sure we’re not missing any chance to do good by way of the gospel.

Here is where this truth hits the road right now: summer.

We typically think about the summer as a time to pull back. To take a break. To rest up for what will be a busy fall. So we go to the beach, sleep late, and lounge around. Maybe we even shut down our Bible study groups for a while.

In other words, we play defense against the pressures of life. But what if, instead of playing defense this summer, we chose to play offense? What if we had a redemptive mindset toward the time we have rather than a defensive one?

Summer could become something different. A time to walk boldly. A time to engage rather than pull back. A time to stride through life, looking this way and that, determined not to miss any opportunity.

So dads, the summer is coming, and it could be more than a time for mowing the lawn and sipping lemonade. Certainly it can be those things, too, but let’s not neglect the best for the good. Be on the offense when it comes to your family:

Reinforce the family discipline of church attendance.
Plan specific and intentional outings for each of your kids.
Lead your family to set goals for the summer, rather than let the season pass you by.
Don’t let the TV or computer use up all of the seasonal margin you have.

What a great season is before us. Together, let’s do what we can to buy back this time.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Church Leadership

June 12, 2018

An Old Testament Prayer for Dads to Pray Daily

By Michael Kelley

You can improve at almost anything in the world the more you do it. Whether it’s shooting hoops, playing the piano, or managing a budget, the more you do something the more comfortable you will feel doing it. And in almost every case, you can reach a reasonable level of proficiency.

Everything except parenting.

It seems to me that the more time I spend as a parent, the less confident I am that I am doing it correctly. I don’t think I’m alone; in fact, at the heart of most parents, I think there is a lurking fear. A nagging doubt. A still small voice that says, in various ways, I don’t know what I’m doing.

And the older the kids get, the more challenging things seem to become. Consequently, so also grows the sense of being out of your depth and over your head as a parent. And I don’t think I’m alone.

So how can you encourage the fathers in your Bible study groups this Father’s Day? How can you help a bunch of guys who don’t really know what they’re doing, but are trying the best they can?

One way is to encourage them to pray a prayer we find in the Old Testament. It’s the prayer Solomon prayed when the Lord told him that he could ask for anything. Now consider that for a moment.

What an offer: The God of the universe, He of infinite power and resources, gave this man a no-limit request to make. So what did Solomon ask for? He asked for wisdom. Here’s how it happened:

At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night. God said, “Ask. What should I give you?”

And Solomon replied, “You have shown great and faithful love to your servant, my father David, because he walked before you in faithfulness, righteousness, and integrity. You have continued this great and faithful love for him by giving him a son to sit on his throne, as it is today.

“Lord my God, you have now made your servant king in my father David’s place.Yet I am just a youth with no experience in leadership. Your servant is among your people you have chosen, a people too many to be numbered or counted. So give your servant a receptive heart to judge your people and to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of yours?”

Now it pleased the Lord that Solomon had requested this (1 Kings 3:5-10).

Solomon had watched his father, David, rule the kingdom. Perhaps he had even been in some introductory “ruler in training” classes. And yet when it came down to it, when the crown finally passed to him, he knew he was in over his head. He was, even at this moment, wise enough to know what he didn’t know.

So what did Solomon do when he sensed his great weakness? How did he respond when he knew how much he lacked? He didn’t fake his way through it. He didn’t remind himself of how talented he already was. He didn’t think positively. He asked the Lord for wisdom to steward well what had been given him.

As a father, this rings so true to me. God has entrusted me, along with all fathers, a great amount. The hearts and souls and education and emotions and everything else—this is what He has given us. And whether you have one child or 10, such a responsibility can be crushing when you consider its magnitude. When you consider what’s at stake. When you consider how deeply you love this small section of humanity.

But oh, the good news of the next verse. That when Solomon owned up to his weakness and asked for help, “it pleased the Lord that Solomon had requested this.”

It gives me great comfort to know that early almost every morning, when I confess my inadequacies as a dad, the Lord is pleased by this. When I ask for help in the middle of a conversation with my children, the Lord is pleased by this. When I tuck them in at night and feel the weight all over again, the Lord is pleased by this.

And then, how much better the news becomes when we, as fathers, know that we have a Father who does not lack. Who actually has wisdom. Who actually has good plans. And who actually has the resources to carry them out. And that because of the gospel, we can call God “Father” and know that He knows how to give better gifts to His children than we do.

Group Leadership, Uncategorized

November 28, 2017

Links We Love

By Group Ministry

Here are some of the top articles LifeWay Groups Ministry has been reading and sharing:

Michael Kelley: Christian, Discipline Yourself to Forgive

http://michaelkelley.co/2017/11/christian-discipline-yourself-to-forgive/

LifeWay Women: Learning From Leaders – Four Essentials When Bringing People on the Team

https://www.lifeway.com/womensministry/2017/11/20/learning-from-leaders-four-essentials-when-bringing-people-on-the-team/

LifeWay Men: How to Respond to Distractions to Your Productivity

http://blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen/2017/10/24/how-to-respond-to-distractions-to-your-productivity/

Eric Geiger: 4 Ways Leaders Can Express Gratitude to Those They Manage

https://ericgeiger.com/2017/11/4-ways-leaders-can-express-gratitude-to-those-they-manage/

LifeWay Leadership: Seven Costs to Being an Evangelistic Leader

https://www.lifeway.com/leadership/2017/11/10/seven-costs-evangelistic-leader/

What links have you been reading and sharing? Share your favorites in the comments below!

Group Leadership

October 3, 2017

Links We Love

By Group Ministry

Here are some of the top articles LifeWay Groups Ministry has been reading and sharing:

Thom S. Rainer: Seven Ways to Overcome the Overcommitted Church
http://thomrainer.com/2017/09/seven-ways-overcome-overcommitted-church/

LifeWay Women: Leading Well – Why All Leaders Can Benefit from Training
http://blog.lifeway.com/womenallaccess/2017/09/18/leading-well-leaders-can-benefit-training/

LifeWay Men: Why Following Jesus is Not a To-Do List
http://blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen/2017/09/07/following-jesus-is-not-a-to-do-list/#.Wb_eeNOGPUI

Eric Geiger: The Biggest Hindrance to a Leader’s Growth
https://ericgeiger.com/2017/09/the-biggest-hindrance-to-a-leaders-growth/

LifeWay Leadership: God’s Glorious Name Drives Our Prayers
https://www.lifeway.com/leadership/2017/09/15/gods-glorious-name-drives-prayers/

What links have you been reading and sharing? Share your favorites in the comments below!

Group Leadership

September 5, 2017

Links We Love

By Group Ministry

Here are some of the top articles LifeWay Groups Ministry has been reading and sharing:

Michael Kelley: One Way to Stoke the Fire of Gratitude in Prayer

http://michaelkelley.co/2017/08/one-way-to-stoke-the-fire-of-gratitude-in-prayer/

LifeWay Women: The Reference Desk: Trevin Wax on Studying the Bible

http://blog.lifeway.com/womenallaccess/2017/08/21/reference-desk-trevin-wax-studying-bible/

LifeWay Men: 5 Great Studies for Fall Groups

http://blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen/2017/08/14/5-great-studies-for-fall-groups/#.WZsAkpOGOfU

Eric Geiger: Your Greatest Strength Can Be Your Greatest Weakness

https://ericgeiger.com/2017/08/your-greatest-strength-can-be-your-greatest-weakness/

LifeWay Leadership: 8 Habits of Healthy Spiritual Leaders

https://www.lifeway.com/leadership/2017/08/18/8-habits-healthy-spiritual-leaders/

What links have you been reading and sharing? Share your favorites in the comments below!

Group Leadership

August 1, 2017

Links We Love

By Group Ministry

Here are some of the top articles LifeWay Groups Ministry has been reading and sharing:

Michael Kelley: 3 Things the Gospel Says When You’re Overwhelmed
http://michaelkelley.co/2017/07/3-things-the-gospel-says-when-youre-overwhelmed/

LifeWay Women: Living and Leading Authentically
https://www.lifeway.com/womensministry/2017/07/12/living-and-leading-authentically/

LifeWay Men: The Importance of Knowing God as Father
http://blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen/2017/07/10/the-importance-of-knowing-god-as-father/#.WWzMZVeq6Hc

LifeWay Pastors: Six Reasons Why Women May Be Leaving Your Church
https://www.lifeway.com/pastors/2017/07/13/six-reasons-women-may-leaving-church/

LifeWay Leadership: 5 Leadership Questions Podcast with Tony Merida
https://www.lifeway.com/leadership/2017/07/13/5lq-episode-178-tony-merida/

What links have you been reading and sharing? Share your favorites in the comments below!

Friday Features

June 30, 2017

Among Wolves

By Group Ministry

The Importance of Disciple Making

To be a disciple maker is to be a trainer of other people. Robert E. Coleman, in his book The Master Plan of Evangelism, writes:

When it is all boiled down, those of us who are seeking
to train people must be prepared to have them follow
us, even as we follow Christ. … We are the exhibit.1

Not only must we be actively engaged in disciple making for our own training, but we must also use the practice of disciple making as the very training grounds we use to raise up more disciples.

One of the saddest, most disturbing statistics I’ve ever read is that 95 percent of evangelical believers never intend to share their faith. Talking about fishing and planning for fishing are much easier than actually fishing. Making disciples is a spiritual discipline. It doesn’t occur through osmosis or philosophy; it occurs while we’re actively pursuing it.

In Matthew 14:13-21, Jesus called His disciples to feed the large crowd, but they replied, “We have only five loaves here and two fish” (v. 17). Jesus then took the loaves and fish, blessed them, and fed the crowd. The emphasis wasn’t on the size of the crowd. The people had no idea that Jesus didn’t have food to feed them. The focus in the passage was on the disciples’ witnessing a miracle, being trained for mission as they served alongside their leader.

While we’re laboring in service and prayer, Jesus also wants us to feed the crowd. We’re tempted to complain about lacking the resources we need, but God wants us to bring to Him the resources we have. He will take our lack, bless it, and multiply its impact. If you’re experiencing the abundant life Jesus promises to give us (see John 10:10), you’re probably engaging in all three of the following indicators of health.

• Growing in your understanding of the gospel
• Living life closely with a church family
• Living on mission where you are

The problem is that many of us think we can experience the first two, neglect the third, and still have an abundant life. But we weren’t created to be two-thirds Christian. We were created to experience life to the full.

1. Robert E. Coleman, The Master Plan of Evangelism, 2nd ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 1993), 77.

Group Answers Episode 109: Darrin Patrick

Kingdom Men Rising

Six Obstacles Every Dad in Your Group Faces

Dads, Don’t Waste Your Summer

An Old Testament Prayer for Dads to Pray Daily

Links We Love

Links We Love

Links We Love

Among Wolves

All Ministry Sites

Digital Resources

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