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Five Potential Barriers to Discipleship

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In this season of social distancing, we must be able to distance ourselves from one another while still advancing the gospel and creating disciples. As if creating disciples was not a tough enough job already! The buzzword in the small groups world used to be “community.” We wanted everyone in our church to be in community together for great reasons. They were less likely to leave the church. They were more likely to serve in the church. They were being cared for by more than just the pastoral staff.

Now the word I hear often is “discipleship.” We have done a pretty good job of gathering people into community; now how do we turn that into making disciples? Great question. Here are five potential barriers to discipleship.

1. It’s really hard.

Helping someone become a fully devoted follower of Christ is not for the faint of heart. There will be times of elated joy and times of extreme frustration. People’s lives are messy, and walking this journey with them gives you a backstage pass to the ugliness.

2. It takes a long time.

Most of us are not very patient—especially when it comes to other people. We want to see immediate results, or we’re on to the next thing. Becoming a disciple of Jesus is a long road that takes time and patience. There is a lot to cultivate and refine. We didn’t get this messed up overnight.

3. It requires relationship.

If Jesus was our example, then we are not meant to take this journey on our own. Disciples are not created in a classroom or on a pew. Iron sharpens iron. The only way to help someone become more like Christ is to be a part of his or her life. All of the good and all of the bad.

4. There’s not a finish line.

By nature, we want to see the job finished. My favorite part of mowing my lawn is when it’s finally done. I can spend a couple of minutes admiring my mowing skills and then move on to the next conquest. That’s not the way it works with spiritual growth. We’re never finished until we’re standing in front of Jesus.

5. It causes growth.

What you may not realize is that when you decide to disciple someone else, you are going to grow as well. Growth is difficult. Growth means change. Every time we take another spiritual step, it requires more from us. It would be much easier to stay right where we are, but the fact is that living things grow.

While the task of discipling another person is daunting, the result of making a disciple who will make disciples is absolutely worth it. And Matthew 28:19 doesn’t actually give us a choice. Jesus left us one job to do—disciple all of the nations. Now let’s go do it.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with over 22 years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Team at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, and was on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC, for 15 years. He also manages SmallGroup.com for LifeWay Christian Resources. Chris’s first book, Small Groups For The Rest Of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, was just released by Thomas Nelson. You can follow his blog at chrissurratt.com or follow him on Twitter @chrissurrat

Group Leadership

Four Ways to Deal With Tricky Questions in Your Group

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If you teach a Bible study group long enough, someone is going to ask you a tricky question. It’s just bound to happen. It’s one of the most uncomfortable things that happen to group leaders. I’ve seen two categories of tricky questions in the groups I’ve taught. “Category 1 questions” are what I’m going to call “innocent” tricky questions. They are asked with pure motives, but can be hard for a group leader to answer. The second category of tricky questions is what I’m going to call “malevolent questions.” These tricky questions are not asked with pure motives. In fact, these are asked by group members when they are intentionally trying to stir up something in the group. Here are four ways to deal with each category of questions.

Four ways to deal with tricky, but innocent, questions:

  • ADMIT – Learn to use three powerful little words: “I don’t know.” It’s OK to admit that you don’t have an immediate response for the person. Use this when you really don’t care to address the question. You’ll earn people’s trust and respect by not simply making up an answer—because everyone knows when we do that.
  • AFFIRM – Say something to the person who’s asked the question like, “That’s a good question,” or, “You’ve helped me see this in a different way.” You can affirm their question, but you don’t necessarily have to stop to address it. Move on. Keep the lesson on track. Affirm the person by saying, “You’ve given me something to ponder.”
  • ASK – This is where it gets fun! Turn the tables, as Jesus did (Luke 20) and simply say, “Now that’s an interesting question—how would you answer it?” 9 times out of 10, the person is eager to share their insight. They asked you, but now you’ve asked them.
  • ACKNOWLEDGE – This is a cousin to the first solution above, Admit. The difference here is that you admit your lack of knowledge and you commit to do further study. You simply acknowledge that you don’t have an answer, but you also promise to do some further study and get back to the person and/or the group.

Four ways to deal with malevolent questions:

If you’ve ever been put on the spot intentionally by someone during a Bible study, don’t despair! This happened to Jesus at various times. In Luke 20 a group of men came to Him to trick Him, and He turned the tables on them. He wouldn’t respond to their question before they responded to a question He decided to throw at them. The result? They dared not ask Him any more questions! I think there is some humor in the Bible, and that’s one of the spots—I would have loved to have been there to see Jesus expertly handle a group of people with a malevolent question!

When you sense that a question has been asked to derail the study or to challenge you, take a deep breath, compose yourself, and choose one or more of the following ways to deal with that malevolent question:

  • DEFLECT – Deal with that potential barbed question by deflecting it. Say, “If I have time before the Bible study is over, I’ll get to that question. If not, I’ll visit with you after class. Let’s continue our study…” I never get to the person’s question (imagine that!). If I sense that the question was asked to do me or the group some level of harm, I always want to isolate the person and not give him or her a platform in front of the group. I always meet with the person afterwards.
  • DEFEND – On occasion, when I really do want to bring correction to the person asking the snarky question, I choose to respond. Jesus did this in Matthew 24 when He was asked an intentionally tricky question about which was the greatest command in the law. Sometimes the best course of action is to confront the person and give your response. Defend your position. Use Scripture. Stand your ground—but do it humbly and gently.
  • DIVIDE – This is a great response that normally puts the person in their place, and causes them not to ask challenging questions anymore. When asked one of those malevolent questions, say: “John has posed a hard question. Let’s divide into groups of 3 or 4 and work quickly to respond based on Scripture. Elect a spokesperson for you group. You have 5 minutes. Go!” What always happens is that the groups of people end up “policing” the person with the malevolent question. They put the questioner in their place using Scripture, and you don’t have to say a word. It also give you, the teacher, time to think about a response while the groups are doing their work.
  • DIG – Normally when you are asked a malevolent question, there’s a question behind the question. Do a little digging and find out the real issue. Say, “Wow—I didn’t anticipate that kind of question in our study today. Why do you ask that?” Continue probing with an even more pointed question, “Why is it important to you that we answer that right now?” or, “Help me see how that question connects to our study.” Just keep digging and ultimately the person will either back off, or that person will reveal the true reason he or she is putting you on the spot.

Ken manages the Ongoing Adult Bible Studies and Church Trainers at LifeWay. He has been a group leader for 6 years, and has over 20 years of church education ministry experience. He blogs daily about groups at kenbraddy.com.

Church Leadership

The Secret Weapon to Healing From Trauma

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by Evan Owens

After walking with hundreds of people through the valley of their trauma, I’ve found that there is one secret weapon, that if used properly can make the difference between them merely surviving and living life to the fullest…

There isn’t a shortage of emerging treatments to help people heal from trauma. There’s an eye chart of acronyms for therapies. EMDR, CBT, PET, Somatic Response Therapy and the list goes on. There are apps to help you manage symptoms, books to read, and mountains of medications all designed to help you cope or heal from painful experiences. But in all of my experience, there is one secret weapon that is often the key factor which determines if someone heals or just exists. It is the weapon of community. 

I have learned over the past nine years that the leading factor which determines long term health is a person’s level of participation in authentic, loving, trusting relationships. What if the key to trauma healing is found in one of the most time-honored traditions of the human species – friendship? 

But trauma and mental health challenges make finding community difficult because those around us just don’t get it. They push when they should be patient. They give advice when they should listen and they over-simplify instead of seeking to understand. 

For many trauma survivors or those with mental health challenges, finding a loving, trusting community is a difficult challenge. Trauma often causes us to distrust people, it causes us to avoid crowds and it makes us want to draw inward into our shells. In fact, trauma makes us isolate and pull away. But overcoming trauma or mental health challenges isn’t easily done alone. It is a team effort. 

Community Defeats Isolation

Trauma makes us pull away from the source that may be most likely to help us heal – our friends and family. Satan would love to make us think that our diagnosis or experience is the final word on our lives. Like a nail in the coffin – trauma has defined our future. The further he can push us into isolation, the more power that trauma has until it controls our entire life. He knows that a warrior by themselves is more easily defeated than one with covering fire and support. 

Community Silences Destructive Voices

You know you’ve been apart from God and others for too long when you start hearing voices that contradict what God says about you and your situation. Isolation is a breeding ground for depression and fear. Alone, it can be all too easy to listen to the voices in our head rather than those of God and the people who care about us. These voices only want to bring more pain, loneliness, destruction and defeat into our lives. 

The more we listen to them, the more familiar and louder they become. Like ringing in our ears, if we zero in on the ringing it can become deafening, overpowering all other noises. 

We can’t be the best version of ourselves, by ourselves. It takes others to help us tune out the noise and hear the truth before we can even begin to overcome our trauma.

Community Helps Discovery Purpose

Finding purpose through your pain doesn’t happen when you are alone. Purpose after trauma is often discovered when you let down your walls and let other people in. Not only do you have a chance to release some of the weight you’ve been carrying, but you also allow the light in your heart to seep out through the cracks caused by trauma. As you engage in community, you’ll find you have a positive impact on people. Because of your testimony, they’ll rid themselves of attitudes, mindsets or beliefs that aren’t of God because they get a front row seat to your journey. You’ll find ways for your story to help others who are hurting. Purpose is most readily discovered in the service of others.

How To Find Healthy Community

Depending on your diagnosis or experiences, it may not be as simple as just showing up to a small group at church. So what does a healthy, helpful community look like and how do you find one? 

A healthy community is one in which you feel safe, challenged and valued. In a social media world, this isn’t an easy task for anyone, whether you’ve experienced trauma or not. It takes intentionality on all parties. As my wife teaches our boys, sometimes you have to be a friend to make a friend. This means getting out of your comfort zone, approaching someone and entering into their world. 

Like it or not, most people are afraid to enter your world for fear that they may say the wrong thing or trigger your symptoms. So you may have to take the first step and give them permission to come into the cave you’ve constructed around yourself. While it may be scary, it doesn’t have to be complicated. 

1 – Write down a list of people who care about you.
For some of us, this list may be 10 names long and for others it might be 2 or 3. The length doesn’t matter at this point. Take this list and ask yourself, do I feel safe and challenged by these people? Are they showing they value me by helping me become the best version of myself or are they enabling bad behaviors? 

You see, some of you have the wrong community. You’re surrounded by people who are going nowhere and they are keeping you from getting anywhere. They enjoy being stuck with you. 

They talk about all the reasons they can’t move forward. As long as you are in the passenger seat of a parked car, you’re not going to make progress.  Or even worse, they may be continuing to traumatize you over and over again by their actions. So-called friends that want to take you on a road trip that doesn’t go anywhere aren’t real friends. Find a new road tripping crew and hop in their car. 

2- Go to those people and tell them that you are wanting to move forward.
A friend of mine named Lara always talks about learning to function forward in spite of her chronic pain. Tell them that you’d like them to help you function forward. Ask them to check in on you and to challenge you. Give them permission to ask you the hard questions. 

3 – Find ways to make deposits into the friendship. 

Friendship isn’t a bank where you just withdraw – you contribute. Give back to them. Challenge them and ask them the hard questions. Over time, invite others into your community and soon you will have created a place where even people will want to belong. 

Community is the secret weapon to overcoming trauma and mental health challenges. It is free to use and doesn’t require a PhD to offer. What if your breakthrough after trauma or from your mental health challenge isn’t found in some emerging therapy or pharmaceutical innovation? What if it is found in authentic friendship? What if the healing you desire is found through others investing in your life and you investing in theirs? 

You’ll never have a more awkward conversation in your life, but taking the first steps toward building a healthy community will be worth it. You’ll be moving forward – together. 

Evan Owens currently serves as the Executive Director of REBOOT Recovery. He is certified in military ministry and has personally facilitated trauma recovery groups for over 350 combat veterans and military spouses. REBOOT is a non-profit that helps veterans, first responders and their loved ones to heal from the moral and spiritual wounds associated with service-related trauma.

 

Church Leadership

Sunday School and Small Groups Side-by-Side?

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My wife and I recently enjoyed an excursion to a local ice cream parlor. As I
contemplated my many choices, I opted for a chocolate and vanilla swirled cone. I thought it would give me the best of both worlds. I was right. The ice cream was wonderful, rich, and creamy – plus I didn’t have to settle for just one flavor.

Then I realized the swirled cone could represent something else – something that many churches are trying with success: Sunday School groups and small groups “side-by-side.”

The Goal of Groups

Whether you’re in a small group (a group that typically meets off-campus) or a Sunday School group, the goal is the same – to make disciples (Matthew 28:19). Both models for discipleship are valid and effective. You and I may have a preference based on past experiences, but both models can serve a church well in its disciple-making process. Each philosophy has its pros and cons.

Not Mutually Exclusive Ministries

There is no need to see Sunday School and small groups as “either-or” or an “Us VS. Them” ministries. The two can co-exist and work side-by-side in a church’s strategy to reach and disciple people. Sunday School isn’t necessarily better than a small group ministry, and a small group ministry isn’t necessarily better than a Sunday School ministry. Both have strengths and weaknesses, and both can reach people the other one can’t. Sunday School tends to reach people who have a history with the church. Small groups may do a better job reaching those with little or no history with the church.

The big decision you and your church’s leaders must consider is this:

  • Is it Sunday School and small groups (you expect people to attend both).
  • Is it Sunday School or small groups (you expect people to pick only one to attend).

Options for time-compressed people

A Sunday School ministry gives busy families a great way to experience Bible study and group life. This ministry is normally adjacent to a church’s worship service on the church calendar, and is very convenient for families with young children or teenagers. Families can experience worship and Bible study in a three-hour window on Sunday mornings. There’s a group for every member of the family. For time-compressed families, Sunday School may be the best option rather than venturing out on a weeknight for Bible study in a home (when you’re battling kids’ homework, sports, and general fatigue).

Small groups can reach a different kind of time-compressed person or family. According statistics, 21-25% of people in our cities cannot attend a Sunday morning worship service or Bible study because they are at work. Small groups provide an alternative for these kinds of time-compressed people who are busy working and serving the people of their communities on Sunday mornings.

Small groups: a good option when you’re out of space

Some churches are out of space to start new Sunday School classes. One option is to launch off-campus groups that require no classroom space on campus. It’s an affordable way to launch new groups and a way to be missional – those off-campus groups can be encouraged to reach new people who live in proximity to the host home.

A Sunday School of small groups?

Perhaps starting off-campus groups isn’t right for your church, but you feel that the church would benefit from the kind of environment often created in home groups. Why not ask your Sunday School teachers to make incremental moves toward becoming a Sunday School of small groups? A few changes and you could have a small group feel in Sunday School:

  • Place people in circles, not rows.
  • Create more opportunities for discussion within groups. This often begins with the choices you make regarding curriculum – some are specifically designed to generate conversation (like LifeWay’s Bible Studies For Life series).
  • Divide groups into smaller ones to create a more intimate environment. Groups should have approximately 12 people, plus or minus 4.

Ken Braddy manages LifeWay’s Ongoing Bible studies, leads his church’s groups ministry, and blogs daily on Sunday School and small groups at kenbraddy.com.

Group Leadership

3 Ways to Use Silence in Your Group

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We are afraid of silence, especially as small group leaders. If there is silence in the room, then that means no one is talking. And if no one is talking, then we are surely failing as facilitators. But I believe we are missing out on an effective tool if we completely eliminate silence from a group meeting. There is something powerful about creating intentional space in a group meeting. In fact, there are examples throughout the Bible where silence and solitude are commended:

“After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper.” – 1 Kings 19:12
“a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak” – Ecclesiastes 3:7
“My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” – James 1:19
“I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him.” – Psalms 62:1

So how do we plan for and best utilize the power of silence in our small groups? Here are three ways to take advantage of silence in your group.

1. Use silence to encourage group members to speak.
It seems like an oxymoron to use silence as a tool for participation, but it works. An effective facilitator should only be talking 30 percent of the time. Remember that you have read the questions ahead of time. It will take everyone else a few moments to process the material before they are ready to answer. It’s uncomfortable to let a question sit there for a few beats, but if you can let the awkwardness go, that silence will eventually be broken by someone. You can miss a great conversation by speaking too quickly.

2. Use silence to allow a moment to sink in.
There will be moments during a Bible study where the group needs a few seconds to take in what was just read or said. Effective speakers use pauses in their speeches to make important points resonate. It’s the same thing with a group discussion. Next time a powerful verse is read or someone makes a thought-provoking comment, pause a second or two before moving on. Those two seconds of silence will make the moment stickier.

3. Use silence to meditate on Scripture.
Before launching right into prayer time at the end of the discussion, take a few moments to allow the group to meditate on the Scripture from the Bible study. Ask someone read a key verse or two aloud and then be silent as you allow God’s Word to prepare your hearts for prayer. This time doesn’t have to be long—maybe two to three minutes—but fight the temptation to break in too soon. Meditation can help lead to application.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.

 

Church Leadership

The 3 Hardest People to Disciple

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You’re channel surfing late one night and you happen to stop on a channel with a show that is just beginning. A father and son walk side by side with fishing poles slung over their shoulders. The images are in black and white, and the theme song is being whistled by a person off camera. What have you stumbled into? There are pine trees, a dirt path, and what appears to be a father-son fishing trip to the lake. You’ve just found a re-run of one of the most iconic shows in history – The Andy Griffith Show. Full of memorable characters like Opie, Aunt Bee, and of course Barney Fife.  The real star of the show, Andy Griffith, had a way of dealing with difficult people. His wit and wisdom allowed him to carefully navigate the most difficult of relationships. Andy knew just how to help people see his point of view, do his will, and create harmonious situations out of chaotic ones. Sheriff Andy always knew how to deal with the hardest kinds of people – the kinds of difficult people most of us would write off. He found ways to help them overcome their shortcomings – all in 30 minute episodes.

If you lead a Bible study group long enough, you’re going to run into some people who are hard to disciple. That doesn’t mean that you write them off, of course. It does mean that you may have to be savvy in how you disciple them, just like the way Andy Griffith was careful in how he dealt with the difficult people he encountered. What kinds of people might you encounter who are going to be harder to disciple? In my experience, there are at least 3 kinds of people that will prove challenging:

  1. The know-it-all disciple. People who are intellectually proud about spiritual matters have an arrogance that is difficult to get past in a discipling relationship. The Apostle Paul was like this before coming to Christ. He was full of knowledge about the Old Testament, proud of his cultural heritage and education, and he was absolutely convinced he was right in his denouncement of Christianity. It was not until his Damascus Road encounter that his self-assuredness was broken and he became dependent upon Christ to teach him the things he’d overlooked in his arrogant, pre-conversion state. If you are in a discipling relationship with a Christian who believes they have all the answers and can unlock the deep mysteries of God, you’re going to have a challenge on your hands. This know-it-all disciple can be hard to bring along the road to maturity, but don’t give up. To help this kind of disciple, you’ll want to challenge their false beliefs and incomplete understandings of spiritual things. The best thing you can do for this person is to show them how much they have to learn; help them see the lifetime it will take to even mature a little toward Christ-likeness. Help them by showing them how you haven’t arrived yet – and how you are still discovering new truths about the Bible daily.
  2. The time-compressed disciple. Just a few years ago, sociologists began using the term “time compressed” to describe people’s lifestyles. This observation demonstrates that more and more people run from one situation to the next, in spite of all the time-saving technologies available to us. The urgent tends to crowd out the significant things in life that should be the center of our time and attention. Growth as a disciple is partially influenced by the time you spend reading the Bible, praying, serving others, and relating to individuals who have a maturity and wisdom you aspire to have. A time-compressed schedule will always work against a disciple becoming fully mature in Christ. When you have this difficult disciple in your group and you seek to help them grow beyond their current circumstances. Call attention to their fast-paced lifestyle and sit with them as they review their calendar, helping them to find margin in their schedule. Lead them to say no to come things in their life that have crowded out “God and me” time. This kind of growing disciple needs accountability – so give it to them!
  3. The spiritually myopic disciple. In my experience, this is the hardest kind of disciple with whom I have to deal with from time to time. While they have a desire to grow in Christ and have begun to practice spiritual disciplines that lead toward maturity, they may not see just how far they have to grow. Although they are Christ’s ambassadors, they don’t fully realize, or care, how their behavior and actions hurt others around them when they fall short of Christ’s standards. A misspoken word, a fit of anger, a course joke, or a seemingly indifferent attitude can set them back lightyears with people they might otherwise influence for Christ. Those people might be a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or an acquaintance. The sad thing is, the disciple with whom you are working may not realize how they accidentally damage their relationship with others and how they make Christ less attractive to those who watch their lifestyle. In the case of the myopic disciple, you have to be blunt. Not blunt force trauma blunt, but blunt. It is far worse to let this disciple go on blindly hurting their opportunities to represent Christ than it is to call their attention to their shortcomings. Yes, there is potential that a discipling relationship might end if they become offended, but the stakes are too serious to let this kind of thing go unchecked.

Yes, Andy Griffith had a way of dealing with difficult people that is admirable. He confronted them when he needed to. He backed off when the timing was right. He ultimately found a way to achieve his goal, and the other person was usually better for it. “Good mornin’ ladies. My goodness, don’t you look happy! Must be cuttin’ somebody up real good” Andy said in an episode about the perils of gossiping. I pray for that kind of boldness and wisdom as I lead a group of growing disciples myself! He could step on people’s shoes and not mess up their shine. That’s what I want to do as I lead others to study the Bible and grow as disciples.

The one thing I’ll always want to remind myself is this: I am most likely someone’s difficult person – so I must be quick to extend grace for I need it as well. As I go through life I must remember the words of the Apostle Paul who mentored and discipled his younger protégé, Timothy when he said, “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness.” (2 Timothy 2:24-25, CSB).

Ken Braddy manages LifeWay’s Ongoing Bible studies, leads his church’s groups ministry, and blogs daily on Sunday School and small groups at kenbraddy.com.
Church Leadership

10 Ways to Re-engage Group Dropouts

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“Absent Without Leave,” or “AWOL” for short, is a serious offense if you’re in the military. It is a term used to describe
someone who is a member of a group, but drops out of sight and leaves their post unattended. It’s also a serious infraction if you’re a member of a Bible study group! I’ve taught an ongoing Bible study for over seven years now, and I’ve had my fair share of people who went AWOL. Some were absent for a few weeks, then returned. Others dropped out for longer periods of time. As a group leader, you can’t control who is in your group each week; you do have control over what you do about the group members who drop out.

In a typical group, about 45-50% of group members will be absent any time the group meets (this is especially true in a Sunday school ministry). Therefore, if you have 20 people on your group ministry role, you can be confident that around 10 of them will be absent the next time the group meets. This leaves group leaders in a slight quandary – what should you do about the dropouts between group meetings? The tendency may be to say, “Well, they know where and when we meet – they’ll show back up.” But is that the best approach? Here are some ideas for dealing with people who become group dropouts.

  1. Pray for them. This is an important first step in helping dropouts reconnect with your group. As a group leader, you should pray for the AWOL people in your group. But you can lead your group members to pray for them as well. Consider focusing the group’s prayer efforts on one or two people, or one or two couples each week. This will raise the group’s awareness that people are absent and need to be cared for.
  2. Encourage them. Because electronic mail is so prevalent today, why not try something a little old fashioned? A handwritten note is a nice, personal touch in an overly electronic world. Tell the group dropout they are missed, and that your Bible study group isn’t the same without them. Remind them they contribute in significant ways when they are present. Ask if they need ministry from the group. Keep things positive. Don’t chastise them for being gone.
  3. Understand them. It’s easy to judge someone and label them as “non-committed” or a “slacker.” But resist hanging a label around their neck. Instead, get to know their situation. They may be under significant stress at work, they could be traveling to care for an aging parent on the weekends, or some other significant reason that explains their absence. In those cases, your group now has opportunities to minister to the absentee and to serve them.
  4. Visit them. Yes, home visitation is on the decline today, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t occasionally get in your car and stop by the group dropout’s home for a quick “porch visit.” Dropping off your group’s Bible study materials to the absentee can remind them about your group and their need to belong to it. If nothing else, a heartfelt “We sure miss you in Bible study” can melt the ice and help a person or a couple feel better about reconnecting to the group after a prolonged absence. It also helps them get over those awkward feelings if they’ve simply ducked out of church because they are tired, allowed kids’ sports to interfere with Sunday worship and Bible study, or some other reason.
  5. Don’t give up on them. This is perhaps the most important one. Don’t just focus your attention on the “99 sheep” you have. Jesus told a parable in which the owner of sheep left 99 of them in search of 1 lost sheep. The parable demonstrated the value of people to the Lord, and the extreme measures He went to in order to provide salvation for them. Those AWOL members of your group are precious to the Lord – He died for them – and it grieves the Holy Spirit when people choose to disconnect from the church. Don’t write off the group dropout, and certainly don’t remove them from your group’s ministry list.
  6. Invite them to a party. People who’ve been absent for a long time feel awkward about showing back up suddenly. Everyone likes a party, though, so plan a fellowship and reach out to every group dropout. It will be easier for them to reconnect with the group at a party away from the church. Help them take baby steps toward regular attendance.
  7. Call them. I prefer that you call, not email or text, any long-term group dropouts. You may have to start the conversation with something like, “I’ve not done a great job keeping up with you” or “Forgive me for not calling sooner…” This transfers the responsibility to you, and doesn’t make the absentee feel put upon. Let them know you care, want to pray for them, and desire them to come back to your group.
  8. Downsize the group. I’m not a big fan of large groups for making disciples. Jesus’ ministry was primarily to a group of 12 disciples, and an inner group of 3 disciples. The larger the group, the harder it is for the group leader to act like a Teacher-Shepherd and care for all of the group dropouts. A smaller group will be easier to lead, and it will certainly be easier to follow up with a few dropouts than trying to care for many group dropouts.
  9. Organize the group. One of the best practices a group could have is to divide the members among several Care Group Leaders. Each care group leader is responsible for reaching out every week to any dropout under their watchcare. In doing so, Care Group leaders share the load of ministry with the group’s leader, allowing him or her to focus on studying and guiding the group’s Bible study.
  10. Take advantage of natural “on ramps.” If your group has dropouts, there will be times of the year that provide natural and easier ways to get them to reengage with your group. Some are related to timing: it’s easier to invite people to reengage at the first of the year, the beginning of summer, and the start of the school year. It’s also easier to invite a person to reengage when the group begins a new Bible study. A quick message like, “Hey, we miss you, and want you to know we’re starting a new study next week” gives the absentee a good reason to jump back in and reengage with the group.

If you’re going to lead a Bible study group, you’re going to have dropouts. Commit to not only prepare your group’s Bible study experience, prayer, and fellowship experiences, but also to have a strategy for quickly and effectively reaching out to those who drop out of group life. You’ll come to learn, as I have, that the quicker you reach out to an absentee, the easier it is. When people go AWOL, don’t leave them in that state. Just a little encouragement can help them reengage with you and your group members.

Ken Braddy manages LifeWay’s Ongoing Bible studies, leads his church’s groups ministry, and blogs daily on Sunday School and small groups at kenbraddy.com.
Church Leadership

The Recipe for a Small Group Disaster

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by Scarlet Hiltibidal 

My house was so tiny and so lacking air conditioning and so full of so many kinds of bugs. And my hair was so bright red. And my necklaces were so cheap they turned my neck green. I was 22. I had plenty to learn and needed much maturity, but I really wanted to love Jesus. So, while I lived life with the hair dye and the bugs, once a week, I crammed 15-20 high school girls into my stuffy little living room to talk about Jesus.

A lot of great moments happened in that little warm room. And a lot of foolish ones, too. A stand-out, “seriously—I can’t believe that just happened” memory for me was when this group I co-led got into a full-blown fight, complete with semi-shouting and soft-glaring and possibly the passive questioning of people’s salvation.

I’m not even kidding you right now. We were really riled, and I can still picture the faces of the younger, impressionable girls in the room as they whipped their heads back and forth while I, in a full Pharisaical moment, bellowed, “If speeding is against the law, doing it is wrong! And if you know you’re doing something wrong and you don’t change, you’re in sin!”

Yep. Thank you, ladies and gentleman! This small group meltdown peaked with me passionately preaching condemnation on all the speeders in my life.

It was a disaster.

I’ve learned a lot from the mistakes I made while leading that group, and hopefully, God’s grace overcame my foolishness and reached the hearts of those young girls. But, if you’re a first-time disciple-maker, or if you’re just a young group leader, here are three ways you can avoid setting yourself up for small group disaster.

1. Don’t Co-lead with Someone When You’re Lacking Unity

This is something I could have easily avoided. You’ll probably never find another human that you agree with about every little thing 100% of the time. But, if you’re co-leading a small group, which is always wise if you want to be ready to multiply, you need to be pretty unified. Since you will differ on some things, even biblical interpretations, it’s so important to pow-wow about issues privately BEFORE they arise publicly.

If you know that your group is supposed to talk about something divisive like speaking in tongues or how the Bible speaks about politics, or, you know, how many miles over the speed limit constitutes unpardonable sinning, make sure you and your co-leader are on the same page before your group meets.

If you don’t agree, hash it all out in private, or just agree to facilitate that question for the group members without weighing in in a divisive way.

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” —Ephesians 4:3 (NIV)

2. Don’t Meet Without a Study Plan

Many groups these days don’t have a content plan with a curriculum designed to help disciples grow. Studying the Bible by itself is awesome, but if you get a group together without any plan to facilitate a discussion, you’re setting yourself up for unexpected detours that could lead to unhealthy conflict.

I’m pretty sure the high school group I led was going through a book together. Going through books is wonderful too, but if you’re reading Scripture, or reading an author, and then setting up a discussion with the can-of-worms phrase, “Tell me what you think about…,” your conversation is very likely to take turns into places you are unprepared to handle or places that lead to little spiritual growth.

Have nothing to do with pointless and silly myths. Rather, train yourself in godliness.” —1 Timothy 4:7 (CSB)

Be ready to train. If you don’t have a plan, you could have a problem.

3. Establish a Culture of Grace

Any group of believers should go into their small group ready to talk in a gracious way. Groups that don’t lay the groundwork of grace are bound to go sour.

If Co-Leader and I had started from the beginning of the group saying things such as, “We share the same spirit…we speak the truth in love…we fill in the gaps with trust…,”  the tone of conflict could have been vastly different. We could have disagreed in a more respectful way. We could have sought to understand instead of overstate.

If those girls and I were in a room together today, having that same discussion, we might have the same differing opinions we had then, but I hope I would communicate my thoughts in a way that displayed the grace of Jesus.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” —Ephesians 4:32 (CSB)

Scarlet Hiltibidal is a writer living in Nashville, Tennessee. Scarlet has a degree in biblical counseling and worked as a Christian schoolteacher before she started writing. She has written for and managed several online publications. Currently, she does freelance writing for various Christian publishers and produces small group curriculum for children. Scarlet is wife to Brandon, who is part of the Groups Ministry Team at LifeWay, and Mommy to her daughters, Ever Grace, Brooklyn Hope, and Sawyer Joy. Visit her blog at scarlethiltibidal.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram @ScarletEH.

Church Leadership

7 Lies About Your Small Group

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Although church-sponsored small groups have been around for awhile, there are still misconceptions about what they are—or are not. With that in mind, here are seven popular myths that I hear about small groups.

1. Groups are for everyone—all of the time.

It’s okay for people to take breaks from group life occasionally. Even Jesus retreated from His small group from time to time. A semester system can give group members and leaders time to catch their breath in between studies.

2. Off-campus groups are more effective than on-campus groups.

Both approaches to groups have pluses and minuses. A church leader has to decide what the end goal for a group experience is, and then decide where that best takes place. It may actually be both.

3. Group leaders have to be fully trained before starting a group.

Some initial training is necessary, but most training will be more effective after the group starts and leaders begin to have their own real world examples. The church should consider providing ongoing, as-needed online training.

4. Small groups are not weird.

I can almost guarantee that for most people, attending a small group in someone’s home for the first time is a strange experience. It was for me, but then again, so was eating sushi. Make sure to set the expectations for a group experience at the beginning. A good groups connection event can help ease people into group life.

5. Small groups will solve everyone’s discipleship needs.

An ongoing small group of 8-12 believers is a great environment to begin a discipleship journey, but most people will need something smaller and more focused in order to continue that journey. A 3-1 or 4-1 same-sex “D-group” (discipleship group) can offer better accountability and more open conversations.

6. There is a perfect small groups system.

Every church has its own DNA and approach to ministry. A wise small group pastor will take good practices from other churches and shape them to work in their context. Also, don’t be afraid to experiment. Every established practice once started with a crazy idea.

7. A good small group can exist without good food.

This one may just be about me.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with over 23 years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Team at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, and was on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC, for 15 years. He is also the Small Group Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. Chris’s first book, Small Groups For The Rest Of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes, was recently released by Thomas Nelson. You can follow his blog at chrissurratt.com or follow him on Twitter @chrissurratt.
Group Answers Podcast

Group Answers Episode 136: Derek Olson

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 22:36 — 31.2MB) | Embed

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On this episode of Group Answers, Brian and Chris talk to Derek Olson. Derek loves espresso, the outdoors and is passionate about building biblical community! He has been active in small group ministry since 2004 and is honored to serve as Pastor of Small Group Network Development at Saddleback Church.

Questions Discussed:

  • What started your passion for coffee and community?
  • How did you end up at Saddleback Church and The Small Group Network?
  • What does The Small Group Network do?
  • Why is it important for small group point people to network?
  • Who are you learning from now?

Resources Mentioned:

www.smallgroupnetwork.com

The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in LifeWay’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at LifeWay and author of Leading Small Groups.

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