Small Groups Archives - Group Ministry

October 18, 2019

Four Ways We are to Shepherd our Groups

The elders of the church were put in place to shepherd the congregation in the same way we as small group leaders are to shepherd our portion of the church. Although we are not that familiar with shepherds in today’s society, God chose shepherds throughout the Bible to lead His people. Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and David were all shepherds chosen as leaders by God. Jesus even referred to Himself as a shepherd: “I am the good shepherd. I know my own, and my own know me” (John 10:14).

Here are four ways we are to lead as shepherds for our groups:

From the heart

They know each sheep in their care and will work hard to get them to their destination. The small group leader’s role is to help the people in their group take the next spiritual step to get them from where they are to where they need to be. A shepherd leader will work hard to make sure no one is left behind on their spiritual journey.

With compassion

Jesus (the ultimate shepherd) set the example as a leader who always had compassion for His followers—even when it was most inconvenient.

We see in the book of Matthew Jesus withdrawing for time alone to grieve immediately after receiving the news of the death of John the Baptist, but He still could not escape the crowds.

When Jesus heard about it, he withdrew from there by boat to a remote place to be alone. When the crowds heard this, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore, he saw a large crowd, had compassion on them, and healed their sick. (Matt. 14:13–14)

Even though Jesus had every right to not care for another person at that moment, He saw sheep without a shepherd and had compassion for them. There will be many times as a small group leader where a member of your group will have a need at the most inopportune moment. It may be a phone call late at night. It may be someone who wants to stay after group to talk. It may be someone at church who needs to grab time in the lobby during the service you are about to attend. While inconvenient, it’s at those times where we have to remember the compassionate example of Jesus.

From the front

“When he has brought all his own outside, he goes ahead of them. The sheep follow him because they know his voice” (John 10:4). A leader that people will follow is a leader willing to go first. This may mean sharing a vulnerable story with the group to set the example of authenticity. The group will model the behavior you display. If you want your group to be open, open your heart first. If you want the group to serve, serve them first. Leading from the front does not mean dictating direction. It means setting the example for others to follow.

Sacrificially

There will be times when leading your group will be a sacrifice. Jesus said, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11). While your sacrifices will probably not involve laying your life down for someone, opening your home to a group of people weekly is a sacrifice. You have to keep the house clean, put up the pets, pull out all the extra chairs, make sure there is food, etc. It’s exhausting to host a group! You will need occasional breaks to not burn out, but that sacrifice of time and effort will lead to a group that bonds through consistency.

At the end of our time as leaders, we want to know we led our flock well. We can look to Jesus, the Good Shepherd, and follow His example of shepherding His flock. Though we will not be perfect, we want to lead from the heart, lead with compassion, lead from the front, and lead sacrificially.

Chris Surratt (@ChrisSurratt) is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience. He served on church staffs prior to becoming the discipleship and small groups specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply Your Small Group, from which this is excerpted and adapted with permission from B&H Publishing Group. You can follow his blog at ChrisSurratt.com.

Group Answers Podcast

October 16, 2019

Group Answers Episode 122: Ben Mandrell

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Brian and Chris talk with LifeWay’s newly elected 10th President, Ben Mandrell. Ben had served as lead pastor of Storyline Fellowship in Arvada, CO since its founding in 2014. A native of Tampico, Ill. , Mandrell graduated from Anderson (Ind.) University in 1998. He also holds a Master of Divinity degree from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky. , and a Doctor of Ministry degree from Union University. Mandrell and his wife, Lynley, have been married 18 years. The couple has four children: Ava (15), Max (14), Miles (12) and Jack (11).

Quotes:

Our lives are a blank check, and God can rewrite that check at any moment.

It’s when I step off the cliff and trust God that I have grown the most.

Let’s talk about health, because healthy things grow.

Invite people into your life and not into a location.

Evangelism is friendship and caring for people at a deeper level.

We just tried to listen to culture and respond to it.

There are a lot of different ways to do small groups.

In Denver, people loved the authenticity of being in people’s homes.

The practical side of ministry is what younger people are longing to be taught in.

How do we create more life-on-life, with solid content, where people can learn and grow together?

When you set a group free to have conversation around the Bible, it’s going to get messy.

The relationship between our Groups Pastor and group leaders was super important.

Process eliminates the need for heroics.

There are moments in my life where I have allowed fear to overwhelm me.

I am learning more-and-more to embrace fear. Hard is the normal in the Christian life.

Books Mentioned:

Accidental Creative by Todd Henry

Getting Things Done by David Allen

This Episode’s Sponsor: Every church must be equipped to respond well in the initial stages of learning about instances of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. That is why the Southern Baptist Convention, LifeWay, and ERLC partnered together to create Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused. This training curriculum of a handbook and 13 videos brings together top experts from various fields to help volunteers and leaders understand and implement the best practices for handling the variety of abuse scenarios at church, school, or ministry. You can access this free training at ChurchCares.com.

The Group Answers Podcast is a weekly show designed to resource, train, and encourage small group leaders. Each episode considers current trends and resources as well as timeless truths and methods of discipleship. It is hosted by Brian Daniel, a Bible study and discipleship expert in LifeWay’s Groups Ministry, and Chris Surratt, the small group and discipleship specialist at LifeWay and author of Leading Small Groups.

Church Leadership

October 15, 2019

Selecting and Developing Co-leaders

By Group Ministry

by Reid Smith

One of the greatest preventable mistakes made by group leaders is when they try to carry too much – the “I’ll just do it myself” syndrome. If we follow the examples of Jesus and the Apostle Paul, we will purposefully develop others as they serve alongside us (Luke 6:12–13; 2 Timothy 2:2).

Your health and balance as a leader – not to mention the overall health of the group – is dependent on others who will serve alongside you. Having someone to co-lead your group will enhance how you connect with the diversity of people circled up with you. Your co-leader will strengthen how people are cared for in your group and can provide feedback that you would not have otherwise received (Proverbs 27:17). The impact of your leadership will be increased exponentially with the support of one or more co-leaders.

We can find guidance on how to select co-leaders in Luke 6:12-13: “One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles.” In this passage, Jesus gives us a four-step process for choosing a co-leader:

He prayed – Earnestly seek the Lord for clear direction and wait until you get it.
He called – Initiate a time to personally connect with who He places on your heart.
He chose – Tell prospective co-leaders what you see in them and why you’re choosing them to partner with you (cf. Mt 16:16-19).
He designated – Empower them to champion specific aspects of group life in keeping with how God has graced them. For practical ways on how you can go about this, see my post entitled: “Leveraging Spiritual Gifts to Build Community.”

In the process of selecting your co-leader, let them know how you’ll work with them, what it looks like and what they can expect. Start with the end in mind and share a vision for how their leadership will help grow biblical community. Ultimately, experienced co-leaders multiply options for handling numerical growth so new groups can branch out and more people can connect to Christ and the community of His Church.

Groups that have more members taking on more responsibilities are better at making disciples who grow deep and impact wide. Now let’s turn our attention to some tips and tactics for developing your co-leader:

Give your co-leader smaller tasks at first and look for opportunities to celebrate their accomplishments. After a period of time, let the group know how this person is helping the group in this role of service (Matthew 23:11-12; Mark 10:42-45). In other words, don’t announce that somebody is your co-leader before they’ve started as if it’s a position, but rather affirm the difference their support is already making for the group.

In the beginning, be sure to shower your co-leader with encouragement. As the relationship grows, you can address areas where they need further development. Be sure to end your coaching times on a positive note, and pray together.

As co-leaders progress, increase their level of responsibility by preparing for meetings and taking the lead with special events and outreaches. Don’t just delegate tasks to them, but empower them to succeed with greater assignments by applying the following developmental model:
- I do, you watch
- I do, you help
- You do, I help
- You do, I watch

Find ways to share your life with your co-leader outside of regular meeting times. Meet them on their home turf. Discover what’s in their heart and what outcomes they want to achieve in the next season of your group.

Know their birthday, anniversary, and what makes them smile, e.g. a specialty coffee, dessert, handwritten note, etc. Then deliver on it!

Pray for them by name each day. Keep notes on needs and answers to prayer that you can revisit with them.

Take time with your co-leader to informally debrief group meetings while the experience is still fresh. Ask them to share their observations: What did they feel good about? What observations or questions do they have?

Make your relationship a priority by listening to their questions, empathizing with their anxiety, and sharing helpful resources that will build their leadership competency.

Share the frequency with which you’d like to communicate, but do it using methods they prefer, e.g. text, phone, FaceTime/Zoom, email, social media, etc. (See my post entitled “Leadership Investment Rhythms” for more on how you can organize for this.)

Make an encouraging deposit into their leadership at least once a month with Scripture, quotes, an excerpt or executive summary of a book, video or podcast.

Loop them into the larger network of leaders you know so they glean from their wisdom and grow in confidence.

Don’t limit yourself to just one co-leader: Invite group members to take on more responsibility when you sense they are ready for it! People can serve in a variety of ways that will create full-bodied group life and develop their leadership through outreach, communications, coordinating meals or childcare, social outings, etc.

It is never too early to appoint co-leaders! The Apostle Paul knew this. He usually had dozens of people around him who were friends and “fellow-workers” (Philemon 1:24). Several from his missionary band led house churches that were instrumental with the initial spread of the Gospel! Then and now, the multiplication of healthy leaders and groups depend on the kind of missional partnership that is forged with co-leaders (Philippians 1:3-6).

Reid Smith has been equipping leaders in churches of all sizes and stages of growth for effective disciple-making since 1996. He currently serves as a Pastor of Groups at Christ Fellowship in Palm Beach County, FL and has been a contributing author for various publications, including LifeWay’s Ministry Grid. Learn more about how to start and multiply healthy groups throughout your church at www.reidsmith.org.

Church Leadership

October 14, 2019

5 Steps to Developing a Secondary Leader

By Chris Surratt

The first step toward launching a new group for new people is identifying someone in your group to be a secondary leader or apprentice. This will be someone who is developing into a mature believer and is showing signs of taking ownership in the group. He may not recognize the leadership potential in himself yet, so you will need to affirm those gifts you see.

I use these five steps to develop secondary leaders in my groups

Step 1: I do. You watch. We talk.

After I have approached my potential secondary leader and asked him to pray about taking more ownership in the group, I will encourage him to watch how I facilitate the next group meeting. We then arrange time (possibly after the meeting) to connect and talk about his observations. This begins the process of modeling what I want him to do.

Step 2: I do. You help. We talk.

If my potential secondary leader is ready to move on, I ask him to facilitate a portion of the discussion at the next group meeting. I give him the questions several days ahead of time so he can be prepared to navigate through the transitions and potential answers. We again meet afterward to discuss the experience and next steps.

Step 3: You do. I help. We talk.

The next step for my secondary leader is to facilitate a majority of the discussion while I help where needed. I may still lead through the prayer time at this stage until he is comfortable handling it himself. We again meet afterward to discuss the experience. If this step goes well, he should be ready to own the next one.

Step 4: You do. I watch. We talk.

It is now time for my secondary leader to facilitate the entire group experience while I observe as a participant in the group. This can be a difficult experience for me as a leader because that secondary leader will probably lead differently than I would. That’s okay and, in fact, it’s healthy. It’s now time to turn over the reins and begin the process with someone new.

Step 5: You do. Someone else watches.

This process will eventually lead to birthing a new group. The secondary leader can either step out of the current group to lead a new group for new people, or I can turn the leadership of the current group over to him as I step out to launch the new group. The latter scenario can set the secondary leader up for success quicker. He is already comfortable with the current group, and I will be more prepared than him to start over.

Chris Surratt (@ChrisSurratt) is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience. He served on church staffs prior to becoming the discipleship and small groups specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply Your Small Group. You can follow his blog at ChrisSurratt.com.

Church Leadership

October 11, 2019

Three Things to Share with a Suffering Group Member

By Brandon Hiltibidal

I’ll never forget the first time someone called me looking for comfort in a tragedy. I was a 19-year-old student pastor, and my primary ministerial gifts at that point were ordering pizza and playing Halo. I was actually playing video games when the call came. It was the mom of one of my middle school students, and when I answered she was already scream-crying. It took her several minutes to tell me her daughter had run away from home. She sobbed, “Brandon, I don’t know what to do.”

My heart stopped. My brain shut down. I didn’t know what to do either. Nor did I know what to say. I tried to talk, but no one has ever mumbled so many syllables without any actual words coming out. All I remember was the mother asking me for answers and having nothing to offer. I had nothing to share with her but stutters and awkward silence.

If you disciple others, you likely have had phone calls like that in your past or will have them in the future. The people you disciple will experience pain. They will undoubtedly suffer dark moments. And you have the awesome opportunity to be ready for the moments your brothers and sisters come to you for help. When they call, you have the privilege of pointing them toward comfort.

There are passages all over the Bible that can bring hope to hurting hearts, but one great example is the powerful psalm King David used to preach to his own heart during perhaps his darkest moment of suffering. When David was betrayed and hunted by his own son and in danger of losing everything he had, he knew what to say to his soul in Psalm 3. This Psalm can be a powerful message for those you love when they are seeking comfort in their suffering.

But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head.” —Psalm 3:3

Here are three things to share with your people when they come to you for comfort:

1. The Lord is your shield.

When those you lead are suffering, remind them God is their sovereign protector. “Lord” means “the Existing One.” Everything else exists secondarily to Him. That means everything that has power only has power to the degree that God allows it to exist. He is sovereign AND He is a shield all around us. Nothing gets to the crying mother or the group member you love without getting through God. When a suffering brother or sister calls, you can tell them they are surrounded on all sides by the sovereign Lord of the universe.

2. The Lord is your significance.

David reminded himself in his suffering that the Lord was his glory. The word “glory” means “weightiness” or “significance.” To desire glory is to desire significance. I’m sure David wanted to be significant. He was the king of the nation of Israel, but when that was being taken from him, he knew where true significance rested. Compared to the glory of God, everything else is weightless. You and the people you disciple will be tempted to find your glory in a career, or a bank statement, or a waist size, but when those sources of false significance are shaken we can remember that we matter at all only because we matter to God. The fact that we matter to Him is stunning. It is a weightiness beyond anything we could hope to scrape together on our own. When you group members suffer, remind them that God is their significance.

3. The Lord is your hope.

The Lord is the lifter of your head. In Psalm 3, David’s life was wrecked. He lost his job. He lost his family. He was homeless. Most of us probably can’t even imagine a moment that dark. But David knew who he belonged to. David had been known to sing of God’s faithfulness and unfailing love. He trusted that the heart of God was filled with love for him, so even as his head hung in suffering, he could say with hope that his sorrow would not last forever. He knew the comforting hand of the Lord would ultimately lift him up. David knew God always lifts the heads of His hurting children. And the suffering souls you shepherd have that hope, too. Our dark moments will never have the last word.

Brandon Hiltibidal is a former church planter and multi-site pastor, and he is now part of the Groups Ministry team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He and his wife have two little girls. You can read about his group ministry and his girls on Twitter: @bmhiltibidal.

Church Leadership

October 7, 2019

Praying for Your Small Group

By Group Ministry

by: Tyler Quillet

Person 1: Shares a prayer request.

Person 2: Says they will be praying for person 1 this week.

Person 2: Doesn’t pray for person 1 this week.

I don’t think I’m the only person who has failed miserably at saying I’ll pray for someone and then forgetting to do so. Ashamed as I am of this, I hear from so many others that struggle with this same thing. As we do life alongside those in our groups, we must be faithful to pray for them.

This will be as simple a blog as you’ll read this week, but I want to do nothing more than get us praying for our group members. Colossians 1:9-14 has been a great model of prayer for me over the years, especially when I don’t know the specifics of what to pray for a person. I’ve simply added their name to this prayer. So, below, you’ll see Colossians 1:9-14, CSB. Beneath that, I’ll write this out as a more personalized prayer for the people in your group with blanks where you can say their name as you pray.

Instead of reading something that you’ll chew on throughout the day today, I pray that you’d be reminded and encouraged to pray for your group members. If you need a guide to do so, use this. If not, simply go to the Lord on their behalf. And, they’ll be incredibly blessed to receive a text from you today that simply says, “I’m praying for you today”.

Go and pray fervently for your group today.

9 For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven’t stopped praying for you. We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, 10 so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. 13 He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son he loves. 14 In him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

God, today I ask that you fill _______________ with the knowledge of Your will. Give _______________ wisdom and spiritual understanding today as they make decisions that would glorify Your Name. May _______________ walk worthy of You, fully pleasing you. Bear fruit in _______________ in every good work and grow _______________ in the knowledge of You, God. Strengthen _______________ with all of Your power, according to Your glorious might, so that _______________ would have great endurance and patience, and that _______________ would joyfully give thanks to You, Father. You have enabled _______________ to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. You have rescued _______________ from the domain of darkness and transferred _______________ into the kingdom of the Son you love. In You, _______________ has redemption and the forgiveness of sins. Thank you, Father, for my friend, _______________.

Tyler Quillet is the Discipleship Strategist for the Custom Bible Study team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He lives in the Nashville, TN area with his incredible wife, Cathie, and two boys, Cylas and Bowen. Tyler also speaks, writes, and coaches alongside Cathie as they pour into and love on the infertile community through Cathie’s “The Missing Peace Project”. Tyler previously spent 15 years as a pastor and is passionate about serving churches and pouring into church leaders in a variety of ways.

Church Leadership

September 26, 2019

The Signposts of a Growing Disciple – Part 2

By Lynn Pryor

What does a mature disciple of Christ look like? Over the past decade LifeWay Research has delved into this with thousands of pastors and church leaders. Culling through the data, we discovered that strong discipleship ministries and practices could be put in eight categories. We call these eight categories the signposts along the discipleship pathway. One sign of growing disciples is that they build relationships with others.

We were built for relationships. I know that doesn’t sound as poetic as John Donne’s “No man is an island entire of itself,” but it captures the same truth. God wired us to live in community with others.

In the opening chapters of Genesis, an incredible picture of God’s creative power is revealed. Each day of creation closes with “God saw that it was good.” In fact, at the end of it all, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good indeed” (Gen. 1:31).

The only thing God observed that was not good was the man living alone. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him’” (2:18). The context was the creation of the woman and the introduction of the God-ordained marriage relationship, but it points to an overarching principle: We were created to live in relationships.

The ultimate relationship we’re called to is a personal relationship with Christ. But when we come to Christ, we also come to His body: the church. As we walk with Christ, we don’t walk alone. We walk alongside others. Community—living and interacting with other believers—is a central part of a believer’s discipleship and growth.

From the earliest days of the church, this idea of community was central. “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer” (Acts 2:42). Do you hear the “togetherness” in that passage?

The New Testament has close to sixty passages with the phrase “one another.”

Love one another (John 13:34).
Live in harmony with one another (Rom. 12:16).
Instruct one another (15:14).
Have equal concern for one another (1 Cor. 12:25).
Serve one another (Gal. 5:13).

You help me in my walk with Christ; I help you in your walk. We’re in this together.

Scripture contains only one explicit command telling us why we must be involved in a community of believers.

“And let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Heb. 10:24-25, emphasis added).

Yes, we gather together for worship … for prayer … to hear and study God’s Word, but in all these things, we encourage each other. I’ve heard the excuse—and you probably have too: “I don’t need to go to church to worship God … to pray … to study the Bible.” While we can do these things privately (and we should), we miss the rich element of doing it with other believers. We are hard-wired for community, and there’s no greater place to do that than in relationship with other believers.

As we mature in Christ, we see the value of community more and more. Consequently, we will seek to build and strengthen those relationships. But maturing believers don’t just build relationships with other believers; they seek to build relationships with those outside the faith too. They do this with intentionality; they want to build a relationship in order to show the love of Christ and share the gospel.

Ways the Church Can Foster Believers Who Build Relationships.

Promote Bible study groups. Corporate worship with the whole body is great, but the ideal way to build relationships is within the smaller setting of Bible study groups. Whether you call it Sunday School, Small Groups, Life Groups, or whatever, a group of 8-16 people gathered to discuss the Bible together can’t help but build relationships within the group.

Some group leaders love a larger group, but the larger the group gets, the dynamic for relationships within the group can lessen. Introverts are far more likely to participate and thrive in a smaller group—and 1/3 to 1/2 of the congregation is filled with introverts! So when a group is regularly reaching 16 or more people, start a new group.

Create opportunities for relationship building. Encourage the Bible study groups to do more than just study the Bible together. Parties, mission projects, and ministry opportunities bring people together.

Consider intergenerational opportunities as well. Let a get-together or ministry project involve two or more generations. For example, as younger adults build relationships with senior adults, they can be mentored and disciple by someone with more life experience.

Model building relationships. As a church leader, you have many occasions you interact with outsiders. When appropriate, take someone with you. Let him learn how you start and build a relationship. Open the door for him to build a relationship with the other person. Our relationship-building habits can be contagious.

We’d love to hear from you. What are some ways your church is helping believers build relationships?

Lynn Pryor (@lynnpryor) is a team leader in LifeWay’s ongoing adult Bible study department. He also serves as an interim pastor in the Nashville area. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.

Group Answers Podcast

September 25, 2019

Group Answers Episode 119: Heather Zempel and Amanda Seidler

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Chris and Brian talk with Heather Zempel and Amanda Seidler about untraditional groups in Washington, D.C.

Heather Zempel leads the discipleship efforts at National Community Church in Washington, D.C. Heather oversees small groups, directs leadership development training, and serves on the weekend teaching team. Heather can be found on Capitol Hill enjoying the adventures of parenting with her husband Ryan as they raise Sawyer, their fun-loving and energetic daughter. Heather is the author of Sacred Roads, Community is Messy, and Amazed and Confused.

Amanda Seidler loves to help people build meaningful relationships with one another, grow in Christlikeness, and discover how to impact the world around them. As Groups Pastor, she gets to do that through leading the vision, strategy, and implementation of community environments for growth and discipleship at National Community Church.

Questions:

D.C. is such a transient, busy city. How difficult is it to convince people to be a part of a small group?
Other than the traditional group in someone’s home, what other types of groups do you offer?
What does it take to have a successful workplace environment group?
What counsel would you give a leader wanting to launch untraditional groups?
What are the most significant challenges you’re seeing in group ministry today?
What single decision from your time in leadership, if given the chance, would you change?

Quotes:

People are most likely to give groups a shot when they’re in a season of life change.
If I can pray for someone on the other side of the aisle at 7 AM in a coffee house, that doesn’t have to change when I go into my office two hours later.
You never want to take a system that was designed specifically for another demographic, another church, and try to make it work in your unique location.
You have to be constantly reevaluating your system because culture is changing.
Jesus taught at synagogues, but he also taught at wells.
As a leader of leaders, how do I leverage who my people already are?
We want people to get a vision from God and run with it.

This Episode’s Sponsor: You’ve probably heard about the movie OVERCOMER. But you may not know there are a few books and Bible studies inspired by the film. One is called Defined by Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick, which is a book and Bible study based on insights from the Book of Ephesians. You can find these books and Bible studies at LifeWay.com/Overcomer.

Free Bible Teaching

September 24, 2019

The Discipleship Group That Changed My Life

By Group Ministry

by Scarlet Hiltibidal

I was twenty-something. My husband had recently become an ordained pastor. It felt fast and scary and wrong to me. We were babies. We were supposed to be wild and free. We were supposed to go to church or sleep too late and miss church, not be IN CHARGE of a church. As an act of semi-rebellion I, with my husband’s approval, got two tattoos (both Bible verses) within one week of him being ordained. Okay, I guess that’s not very rebellious, but kind of it was.

I was a bit of a mess those years early years of church ministry. During a few of them, I was a closeted bulimic. During a few of them, I was an uninvolved hider. During some months in there, I suffered a miscarriage and turned away from God — telling Him I did not have anything to say to Him. I did a lot of things wrong during those first years.

But, I never left the faith. I was held together by the body of Christ, who prayed FOR me when I wouldn’t, who discipled me when I was more immature and foolish than I am today.

And I can think back to one particular discipleship group I was in when I was some season of my twenty-something messiness, that extraordinarily changed my life.

Because we were part of a large, multi-site church, there was a ministry specifically for the pastor’s wives there. One weekend, our group was scheduled to stay in a borrowed beach house in the Florida Keys for a “Pastor’s Wives Retreat.”

After eating crab cakes and settling in our rooms in the big house, we all congregated in the living room area. One of the older women said she thought it would be a good idea for each more seasoned mother to share their best advice with the younger mothers in the group.

I was trying so hard to have it together at that point in my life. I had a BABY. I wanted to be the perfect wife and mother. I wanted to make up for all my ministry mistakes and failures. I wanted God to approve of me and I always felt like He didn’t.

So, I listened. I listened so intently as each woman shared her sleep training tips and disciplinary strategies. It all felt overwhelming until it got to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was the newest pastor’s wife. I didn’t know her. She was really pretty and really blonde and seemed confident and relaxed. She said something like, “My goal in my home isn’t to have perfect children or to be a perfect mother. That’s not even possible anyway… My goal is to live the gospel out in my home.”

She went on to explain that she failed her family all the time, but when she did, she apologized and asked for forgiveness. She said he prayed, out loud, prayers of repentance with her children. She said her goal was to live a life that displayed her need for Jesus and Jesus’ sufficiency in her, and if she was able to give that to her kids, then she’d consider her parenting a success.

She wasn’t saying, “do,” she was saying, “done.” She wasn’t saying, “you,” she was saying “Jesus.” And it’s not like I’d never heard His name before, but it had never sounded so sweet. His work had never sounded so complete.

That moment in that group with Elizabeth changed my life. It changed my family. It grew my faith and gave me hope for ministry, as I began to base my approved status on Jesus’ perfection, not my own attempts to be good enough.

Whatever your group is — whether it’s a sermon-based group or a book-study group or a group for Christian musicians or an outreach for preschool moms — if the gospel is lifted up, if the already done, amazing work of Jesus is made central and beautiful, hearts and lives will change.

Preach the gospel in your group. Be repetitive and ask your people to preach it back to you. We are rebels and hiders and bulimics. We are scared and tired and in over our heads. But Jesus has already died and risen and won. He forgives and saves and leads us out of hiding and fear and self-imposed exhaustion. Our hearts need to be reminded that we are loved and safe and free because of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Discipleship groups that highlight that are the ones that will change the world, one broken heart at a time.

“Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” — Jesus, Matthew 28:19-20

Scarlet Hiltibidal is the author of Afraid of All the Things and He Numbered the Pores on My Face. She also writes a regular column for ParentLife Magazine and enjoys speaking to women around the country about the freedom and rest available in Jesus. Scarlet lives in Middle Tennessee, where she loves sign language with her daughters, nachos by herself, writing for her friends, and learning how to raise ducks with her husband for no reason other than cuteness.

Group Answers Podcast

September 18, 2019

Group Answers Episode 118: Steve Gladen on Group Trends

By Group Ministry

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On this episode of Group Answers, Chris and Brian talk with Steve Gladen about current trends in small groups.

Steve Gladen (M Div., Fuller Theological Seminary) has been Executive Pastor of Small Groups at Saddleback Church since 1998 and serves as an elder of the church. He oversees the strategic launch and spiritual development of more than 7,000 adult small groups on multiple campuses. He is the author of Small Groups with Purpose, which has been translated into eleven languages, and Planning Small Groups with Purpose. He has a driving passion to see each church attendee connected to a qualified shepherd and become an integral part of their church body, living purposefully for Christ. Steve and his wife, Lisa, have been married for nearly 30 years, have two children, Erika and Ethan, and reside in Orange County, California. Learn more at www.stevegladen.com.

Questions:

You host a lot of conferences and spend time with a ton of churches, what are some of the group trends that you are seeing out there?
What counsel would you give a church planter establishing a groups ministry?
What are the most significant challenges you’re seeing in group ministry today?
Saddleback has been successful with virtual, online groups, is that a viable strategy for most churches?
Who has been the most influential leader — your “go to” — throughout your ministry in the groups space?
What single decision from your time in leadership, if given the chance, would you change?

Quotes:

The economy of churches is relationship, relationship, relationship.
You build a church crowd to core.
You need a relationship and you need a responsibility.
The greatest value that distinguishes a group is that it fills the void that you feel spiritually.
It’s the content that brings people; they stay because of the community.
Your driving force has to be “change lives.”
You want to meet people where they’re at and take them to where you want them.
When God lays something on your heart, the toughest thing to do is be obedient to it.

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Brandon Hiltibidal is a former church planter and multi-site pastor, and he is now part of the Groups Ministry team at LifeWay Christian Resources. He and his wife have two little girls. You can read about his group ministry and his girls on Twitter: @bmhiltibidal.

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The Signposts of a Growing Disciple – Part 2

Lynn Pryor (@lynnpryor) is a team leader in LifeWay’s ongoing adult Bible study department. He also serves as an interim pastor in the Nashville area. Read more from his blog at lynnhpryor.com.

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